Help understanding depressed GF
My GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way. We are on a break now and I am waiting for her to be ready to talk. I am respecting her space. She told that I have been the perfect boyfriend.
Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.
She says she wants to see me but I haven't heard from her. It's hard waiting for her.
My friends think that she is crazy about me but she has issues. I love her and I want to support her. What can I do?
I think maybe she's just insecure and don't understand how someone can love her if she doesn't even love herself. She feels as though she's holding you back, rather than accepting the fact that you WANT to be with her. In her mind she can't comprehend anyone actually WANTING to be with her at all.
You accepting the break, and leaving her and not calling, is really what she is asking for, but you agreeing to it, is in her mind adding to her paranoia of "he never wanted me anyway, that's why he's not calling".
She's confused, and I think the best thing is to NOT give her her space, to NOT leave her alone (all the time - but sometimes yes) and to tell her you're there for her, whether she likes it or not. That way, she can know you WANT to be with her.
She's pushing you away, to see if you come back - and thus far you haven't. If you let a bird go free, and it comes back on it's own - you know it's yours forever.
Go to her - and tell her you're there for her through whatever she's going through - and you're not backing off because she's too important to you. Tell her a relationship cannot be built by one person, but by two together and that's what you're doing.
Anyway - that's my 2 cents worth. Good luck - L
Thanks lovelace for your response. I have told her several times that I don\'t want us to break up and that I miss her and that I want to be with her. When she called me that night, I said that I wanted to be with her. Do you still think I should chase her? I don\'t want to come across as too pushy. Thanks again for your response.