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Caught in the middle of what I love the most

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Relationship advice My girlfriend and I were together months before breaking up. The main cause for the breakup was because of stress between my kids who are older (23, 21 and 17) and my girl. I separated/divorced from the kids Mom after a 23 year relationship shortly before meeting my girlfriend. The separation/divorce had nothing to do with my current girlfriend, but my kids were a little reluctant about being around my new girlfriend who was more than welcoming and loving to my children. I thought I would help things along by having my kids my girlfriend and her 7 year old Son get together on a few occasions. This didn’t go how I planned, my kids were looking to spend some one on one time with me and felt that whenever I asked to see them my girlfriend would be right there. They even felt that she may have been doing it on purpose. To add to the tension, my girlfriend’s son calls me Dad.
When all of this became an issue my girlfriend suggested I try doing things alone with the kids sometimes and sometimes together as a group. I tried this and after a few times my girlfriend began to get upset saying that I was doing more separate outings and no group outings and this put a strain on our relationship. It had gotten to the point where my kids felt that “I had a new life” and resolved to not seeing Dad, which bothered me a lot because I’m very close to them and love them. This also prevented me from really seeing or getting to know my newborn Granddaughter. My girlfriend had gotten to the point where she felt “I tried, and have been nothing but nice to your kids” but now didn’t want anything to do with them. This further strained our relationship because she felt that I was not valuing her feelings and opinions. My children felt that their Dad no longer cared about them because he did whatever his new girlfriend said.
I obviously love my children and am madly in love with my girlfriend BUT the last chain of events has left me wondering. My Granddaughter first Birthday is on the way, and the party is at her(granddaughter) Dads house. My girlfriend feels that I should not go to the birthday party because she is not welcomed by my kids and my Ex will be there. My kids have said repeatedly that they don’t have an issue with my girlfriend but feel like she doesn’t have to be around every time I see them and that she does it to control me.
I want to go to the Birthday party for two people ME and my Granddaughter who I love very much. I have just within the past couple of weeks been able to keep her and begin bonding with her. As a result of my wanting to go to the Birthday party, my girlfriend tearfully has said she can’t do this anymore and has ended our relationship. I do love my girlfriend and know that I don’t want to lose her, but it would break my heart and spirit not to be at my Granddaughters first Birthday party. Please give me your opinions and or advice, am I wrong or is there room for compromise.
Sincerely
Hurting Grand Dad

Caught in the middle of what I love the most

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Okay. One, Family is family. I don't care if you are the pope, my family comes before anyone. Your new Girlfriend should understand that your kids and grandchild come before her WANTS. She does sound controlling, but all people are to a certain extent. it also sounds like there is resentment from the kids as well and your girlfriend is not willing to compromise. If i were in your shoes I'd let her go. Clearly her and your kids are not getting along well and its affecting your relationship with your kids and granddaughter.

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