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Is He Into Me Or Am I Misreading?

Posted by
DIVORCEE'89
on Nov 22 2013 at 21:33
Member since: 22 November 2013
Other advice I just got out of a fairly ugly divorce. I was with my ex-husband for 5 years, and he was my first. So I am COMPLETELY new to his whole dating/flirtation thing. I recently started a new job in a restaurant. One of the cooks befriended me right away. We sat and drank a few after our shifts one night, he asked if I was single and I just vaguely mentioned that I was divorced. He said that the reason he broke up with his last girlfriend was because she wanted to get married and he wasn't ready. Equating to single right? Anyways, from there he constantly 'accidentally' bumps into me in the kitchen (in a teasing way), throws french fries at me to make me laugh, compliments me, asks me what I am doing after work/the coming weekend,etc. He just happened to mention that he gets off early tomorrow night, when I have the night off. He said I should come out and have some drinks with him and another guy that works with us. I said I'd think about it. Then the other night, one of our co-workers was teasing him and mentioned that he'd better get home before his 'old lady' killed him. So not so single? So now I don't know if I was just misreading the flirtation or if he is really into me. I don't know if I should go out for drinks with him tomorrow night. Thoughts? And remember-- I haven't dated for 5 years AND I'm not looking for anything serious anytime soon... so I don't really feel like I'm rushing. I am just confused.
Is He Into Me or Am I Misreading?
Reply from
GDEWD
on Nov 22 2013 at 23:48
Member since: 22 November 2013
This could be a difficult one. It sounds as though he may be in and out of a relationship currently. He may not be happy with it and is testing the waters to see who else is out there and available.

If you like him and you guys get along, go out for drinks, don't overdo it. Make sure that others are around and include everyone in your conversations. Since dating is new to you, it will be good to go out and socialize with co-workers. Even if you don't end up with him, you'll be getting yourself out there and have fun at the same time.

Agree with yourself to set boundaries before going. Your ultimate goal (if it is your ultimate goal) is to just socialize and have some fun. If he steers things into going home with him, or your place, or his friend suddenly has to go, that's an indication he wants more than to just hang out. That's when you'll kindly request or say you need to get going, too, or make it known that you're just out to get to know people.

If you know someone who will be straight forward with you, you may ask them if they know if he is seeing someone currently.

If that does not yield results, then, when you go out for drinks, just ask him. Start off by saying you're not interested in dating just yet, but want to know if he is or is not actually dating right now. Mention you overheard the conversation where he has to get back home to his 'old lady.' Don't talk down to him, just sound very curious and try to show him some empathy. Explain that you understand if he just doesn't feel happy in the relationship and that's how you felt during your marriage. That will help open him up to speaking about whether he's in a relationship or not.

If he admits that he is but has an interest in you, at least now you'll know. From there, let your own thoughts guide you. At this point, you know he's involved and if that doesn't sit right with you, just say you're glad to know and if he needs advice you can offer it and that you'd be happy staying friends.

Depending on your future goals, it sounds like he may be less interested in marriage and just having fun for now. Let that determine if that's the kind of lifestyle and relationship you want in the end.

Not sure if any of that helps. Good luck.

Is He Into Me or Am I Misreading?
Reply from
on Nov 23 2013 at 00:24
Member since: 22 November 2013
This advice may not be particularly useful to you but I shall try my best.

Being in a relationship for five years may not seem long to some people however it is enough time to build a relationship with someone and get to know them fully - I am sorry that this relationship did not work out but at least now you are independent and free to date again when you feel you are ready.

It's not uncommon to feel strange and that the world of dating will be completely foreign - you've been with someone for a few years and so it will take some getting used to. What I would recommend is taking some time to yourself first and foremost- focus on yourself for a while and figure out what you want from dating or relationships before throwing yourself in at the deep end. You need to re-discover what you want from life as your own entity and gain your own independence back; being co-dependent on a partner for so long, it will be a while before you are comfortable in your own company. But when you learn to love yourself - then you are ready to love someone new!

However, there's nothing to stop you from getting to know this man in the mean time - by the sounds of things he seems nice enough and he's being pretty casual about things but I suppose you would still be in a vulnerable state - and you do not want to be getting involved with him if you are not 100% certain that he is not single - you don't want to be in a situation like that. Trust me, it will just add to your stress if you've recently gotten out of a marriage! I would suggest keeping him at arm's length for the time being. Continue being friendly and see where it takes you - but if the co-worker made that remark he may not be letting on as much as you think he has... you're not looking for anything serious and, odds are, this man isn't either...so in the mean time figure out what you want and get to know this guy as a friend. Go out for drinks but don't expect anything of it - don't rush yourself and have a good night!

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?