Is he into me or am I misreading?
I just got out of a fairly ugly divorce. I was with my ex-husband for 5 years, and he was my first. So I am COMPLETELY new to his whole dating/flirtation thing. I recently started a new job in a restaurant. One of the cooks befriended me right away. We sat and drank a few after our shifts one night, he asked if I was single and I just vaguely mentioned that I was divorced. He said that the reason he broke up with his last girlfriend was because she wanted to get married and he wasn't ready. Equating to single right? Anyways, from there he constantly 'accidentally' bumps into me in the kitchen (in a teasing way), throws french fries at me to make me laugh, compliments me, asks me what I am doing after work/the coming weekend,etc. He just happened to mention that he gets off early tomorrow night, when I have the night off. He said I should come out and have some drinks with him and another guy that works with us. I said I'd think about it. Then the other night, one of our co-workers was teasing him and mentioned that he'd better get home before his 'old lady' killed him. So not so single? So now I don't know if I was just misreading the flirtation or if he is really into me. I don't know if I should go out for drinks with him tomorrow night. Thoughts? And remember-- I haven't dated for 5 years AND I'm not looking for anything serious anytime soon... so I don't really feel like I'm rushing. I am just confused.
This could be a difficult one. It sounds as though he may be in and out of a relationship currently. He may not be happy with it and is testing the waters to see who else is out there and available.
If you like him and you guys get along, go out for drinks, don't overdo it. Make sure that others are around and include everyone in your conversations. Since dating is new to you, it will be good to go out and socialize with co-workers. Even if you don't end up with him, you'll be getting yourself out there and have fun at the same time.
Agree with yourself to set boundaries before going. Your ultimate goal (if it is your ultimate goal) is to just socialize and have some fun. If he steers things into going home with him, or your place, or his friend suddenly has to go, that's an indication he wants more than to just hang out. That's when you'll kindly request or say you need to get going, too, or make it known that you're just out to get to know people.
If you know someone who will be straight forward with you, you may ask them if they know if he is seeing someone currently.
If that does not yield results, then, when you go out for drinks, just ask him. Start off by saying you're not interested in dating just yet, but want to know if he is or is not actually dating right now. Mention you overheard the conversation where he has to get back home to his 'old lady.' Don't talk down to him, just sound very curious and try to show him some empathy. Explain that you understand if he just doesn't feel happy in the relationship and that's how you felt during your marriage. That will help open him up to speaking about whether he's in a relationship or not.
If he admits that he is but has an interest in you, at least now you'll know. From there, let your own thoughts guide you. At this point, you know he's involved and if that doesn't sit right with you, just say you're glad to know and if he needs advice you can offer it and that you'd be happy staying friends.
Depending on your future goals, it sounds like he may be less interested in marriage and just having fun for now. Let that determine if that's the kind of lifestyle and relationship you want in the end.
Not sure if any of that helps. Good luck.
This thread has expired - why not start your own?