Can't get out of denial
Im a 15 year old boy and have always 'fantasized' about men. I still find some girls attractive but i couldn't "be intimate" with any woman, but would love to go out with them, as where i could never date a man but like i said, i prefer men. I dont know if its because id be ashamed of being with a man or what, but i just cant get a boyfriend, but i am gay! Also, i have a very homophobic family, and i feel that is playing a part in my phobia of being seen as gay. Any tips on coming out of denial or coming out to family and friends will be greatly appreciated.
So I'm not great at helping people but I'll try. First you need to accept it before you even think about coming out. This might help you for when you are ready, when one of my friends came out she basically just blurted it out one day, granted we were shocked but nobody treated her any different. I obviously don't know what like your friends are but we are all extremely close so maybe just come straight out and telling them might be a good idea. Normally when I have an issue with my family my best friend and I brainstorm and tackle it together I can honestly say having him help me with my parents has been wonderful especially since they love him. (I know that sounds super geeky but it helps) Of course that's difficult for us just now but maybe that could be a way of dealing with your family. Hopefully this helps you a lil
If you can't accept yourself then how can you expect others to?
Just give it time...
You are who you are. I had the exact same issues. I wanted to be more attracted to girls but when it came to the intimacy, stuff did not work too well. I understand the feeling of feeling a bit ashamed. That is to be expected. Some people exhibit signs of being gay and some do not so I do not know what your situation is. You may be surprised to find out some people already know. Those who do not accept you as you are are not really friends. Period. You may find that you may make new friends if you do come out. I feel that you do not have to make any announcements to the world. I think it is a good idea to do it slowly, first to people who you trust. Some will not understand because they can't relate. Some will not care and others will tell you they already knew. In my case, nobody flipped out. Everyone was supportive. One thing I told people is that I am the same person I was 5 minutes before I told them. This is just about preferences. Not too much difference that liking vanilla or chocolate. It is just your preference. Having said that, not everyone needs to know your business. You don't go around telling people what your favorite food is or what your favorite color is so what do you need to tell everyone what your preferences are as far as intimate and sexual stuff goes? It is your business. Close friends and family is the way to go first. You have to be discreet because of the reality that some people will judge you unfairly. Your friends and family love you and that will not change just because you prefer guys. When you are fairly comfortable then tell who you want, especially if you find yourself hiding behind the secret. You need to be yourself. Also, when people see you are comfortable with yourself and accept who and what you are, they will also tend to accept you more as well. I have a friend who is gay and in my opinion it is obvious. I could tell he was gay and I was attracted to him, partially because I thought he was gay. I show zero outward sings of being gay so he had no idea...until we finally talked and I finally initiated some physical activity. He told me that when people ask him or try to figure out if he is gay, he just tells them they can think what they want. His close friends know. Others just have to wonder. Remember, once you come out to someone, there is no going back so feel free to go slowly and there is no pressure to tell the world all at the same time. If you want to PM in the chat room, no problem.
You are who u are and nothing can change it no matter how much some ppl wish it to be different ur gonna have to accept n learn to deal with it but ur still young no rush take ur time
wishing ya all the best
and just so u know there is NOTHING wrong with being gay so dont make other ppl make u feel ashamed over it if they have a problem its THIER problem not urs
Thankyou everyone! And thanks bobby for your detailed answer. I have to admit i do feel more comfortable about it, so thanks