Need some outside advice
Hello to all im new here was just reading through some posts and i liked the advice. Long story short my girlfriend of nine years started a relationship outside of ours about eight months ago. About two months ago she moved out and told me she had to go to another state that she previously lived in to face some legal matters. She made a pact with me to stay faithful to one another while we went through this , but she would understand if i couldnt wait. This all turned out to be a huge lie. We maintained phone calls and email the whole time. I thought the whole time we were working on our issues we even started counseling. Then the week of christmas she moved back home and everything seemed ok. The monday after i got a call from the guy she had been seeing the whole time and he told me everything i guess he was mad she came home. Anyway i threw her out that day and she has been confessing her love and mistake after the fact of course. Sadly i still love this woman but boy was i burned. I guess im asking should i just be done with this woman and move on with my life. Thanks for any answers.
Well, nine years is a long time - but an 8 month affair?? And you didn't know anything about it? How could YOU have been so unaware?
She sought out reality with him and it didn't turn out so she has realized her mistake and is back. But I have a feeling things were not in A-1 shape anyway.
Your level of betrayal is probably off the charts and I get a sense that you don't know what to do.
So . . . do nothing.
In the meantime, continue counseling. You are going to need it.
If there's no trust, there's no relationship and she has betrayed it big time regardless if the relationship is 9 years old or 9 days old.
Her actions have shown you what sort of a person she really is because you both made a pact to stay faithful.
Deceit, dishonesty, betrayal and disrespect are no recipe for a successful relationship.
You said you still love her but you have thrown her out, then leave her there. She has no real love to confess to you otherwise she would have been faithful.
It's amazing just how much of a hold a partner can have on you but it should be for the right reasons. You will end up more vulnerable and miserable than you are now, if that hold dictates you to stay with an unfaithful partner.
Get on with your life and forget this woman, I know there's a lot of history in 9 years, but it's been trashed, so put in the trash with her and move on.
You need to remember, she has caused untold damage to the other guy she was seeing as well....think about it.
be brave and be well