hope someone can help me. lately ive been having a lot of problems with my boyfriend of two years. there has been a few girls on the scene trying to cause problems and trying it on with him, which i found out about - he was completely innocent and hadnt cheated at all, but i think coz ive been hurt in the past, i always think the worse and doubt him, even though i know deep down he wouldnt do anything. this has happened alot, we then argue and i ALWAYS end up crying..in fact im so tired of crying its untrue.
anyway, we our very serious in our relationship, have said that we want to be married and are more or less married as it is, we live together in a lovely apartment. but although there are lots of good times, i feel we argue alot. he says i go on and on and wont drop things (which i know can be true) but he doesnt see WHY i go on, and on...because some things he does are really thoughtless and hurtful that i cant understand why he would be like it. Tonight is a perfect example... after going through a really bad patch, (following on from what i said in the first paragraph) and a big heart to heart last nite (which i ended up crying..again) we told each other how much we meant to each other and loved one another. so wen i woke this morning i thought i would arrange a really romantic evening - cook a really lovely dinner from a recipe, have wine..and i got us commitment rings!!!!! he got home, and i told him that i had bought lots of ingredients to cook his fave meal..and he went to the gym "for an hour", so i thought i could prepare while he was there...2 1/2 hours later he comes home..he did nt even think to call me to say he would b late or anything. if it were me, i would have got back as soon as possible for him.. he didnt even seem to see why i was upset, i tried explaining how it was meant to be for us, to draw a line under everything..then after a while, i got the ring out i got him and just said..i was going to give u this... after about 10mins, he said "im sorry bout tonight, i really am, and that ring means alot to me" - but i just felt deflated. it was 10pm.. the evening was ruined. i admit i couldnt drop it, coz the atmosphere felt weird.. thing is im very romantic and he isnt really like that.. he was VERY tired after work all day so he fixed himself somethin to eat then went to play on his playstation!!! i went in the room..coz i thought maybe we could forget it all and i would give him the ring..wen i asked if i could talk to him quickly he said "no.. coz you will just keep going on and on and on.."..this hurt me as that wasnt wot i intended. wen he did sit up he looked disinterested and he just kept ruining the moment. as always, i got bloody upset again and the tears came on..again!!! he then said how i had ruined the evening as it could hav been fine but i ruin it by going on at him all the time..he made me feel like crap..so i just apologised and left the room...now im writing this.
i just love him so much, i know he loves me, but we seem to drive each other crazy at times, i know i should stop going on at him and should know wen to shut up, but i feel its mainly me making the effort - he doesnt think to do romantic things for me.. if this whole evening had been the other way round, i would have behaved so differently. i just dont know wot to do? how can i stop feeling so sad and quit crying at every argument - its embarassing. i just wish he would change and make effort but i spose u cant drag a horse to water and make it drink can u.
what would anyone else do? i jsut want the arguments to stop and be happy. i want him to make me feel like a princess, at least sometimes. dont get me wrong, he can be lovely, this is a bad time.. i just get so disappointed...
sorry that was so long..hope u didnt fall asleep reading it.
any help would be REALLY appreciated.. thank u
So much misunderstanding, miscommunication, and hurtful actions being done. The thing that sticks out to me is that he KNEW you were making a special dinner for the two of you and he failed to show the least bit of consideration by calling or texting to say he'd be late, and then turning around and blaming you.
It sounds like he needs to seriously be sat down and told to listen and hear what you have to say. Maybe couples counseling?
maybe also he has issues he's dealing with and not communicating about.
You might also have to accept the possibility that you are not right for each other. You deserve happiness; he deserves happiness. Sometimes we just can't be, with the person we thought we loved.
Hope you feel better!
Yes, you should be very concerned about his actions and his lack of interest after he knew about your efforts of making a romantic evening together. Words mean nothing, actions say it all. Forget about the horse not drinking, instead focus on the old saying of flogging a dead horse.