I have had a problem for quite a while now. I feel like my boyfriend is being extremely selfish. He has a tendency to say harsh things sometimes like calling me a spastic, telling me to fuck off and things along those lines. Anyways, we nearly broke up completely about a month ago and I told him that if we were to make this relationship work he would please have to stop saying that stuff to me cause I don't like it - it is disrespectful and what girl wants to be spoken to like that by their boyfriend? Tonight he called me a spastic again and I got annoyed at him and told him to stop - he said to me that he will never stop calling me it because he calls everyone that. I feel like he is being so selfish - he doesnt realise that this comes down to more than him just saying the word. I feel like he has no respect for me and wont compromise to make me happy. I am forever trying to make him happy - last year he had a problem with how I spoke to him and told me I had to change - I respected that he didnt like it so I stopped talking to him that way - yet he cannot see how this is the same for me! I sent him a quote "sometimes we have to bend a little and compromise for a loving relationship" - to which his reply was "so why dont you bend a little accept my habit?" He doesnt seem to understand, no matter how much I tell him that he is breaking my heart and completely tearing me apart. I do so much for him and fight for this relationship - when he has a problem with me I accept it and try and change or stop it, but when I have a problem with him, thats my problem and not his - it is my problem - im too sensitive he says. PLEASE WILL SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE
I would love to give you some advice - but I'm going through the same thing - he gets mad, calls me names, tells me everything is my fault and round-and-round we go. Only its not 'spastic' - I am called 'worthless', 'usless', dramatic, etc. So, I looked up verbal abuse - google - and it helped me understand WHY he did this and how to take my power back. Maybe that will work for you too - lots of great info out there for this - whether its destroying you or you simply want to know how to stop the name-calling. I'm going to tell you something you won't want to hear - it WILL ONLY GET WORSE - look that info up, do NOT tell him about reading it - start to take your power back now!!
The main problem is you. You choose to stay in a relationship with an immature, disrespectful and very selfish boyfriend.
The fact that he calls everyone names could possibly mean that he's been bought up in a similar environment, and therefore his ignorance comes to the fore. He may not know any different... but I somehow doubt that.
When you meet someone who attracts you, you look for common ground and values and not just common interests, looks, body shape etc.
Your values and standards should be reflected by him and vice versa. We don't have the right to change someone, instead, we should accept them as they are. If we get the mix right at the beginning, then there's no need to change anything.
He doesn't need to compromise to make you happy, and you don't need to compromise to make him happy. If you were right for each other, then, there is no need!
A successful relationship thrives on trust and respect. Respect is a two way street. The golden rule basically says do unto others as you would expect them to do unto you.
Verbal abuse means disrespect...it's that simple.
Why would you want to be with a person who continually puts you down verbally? This alone should tell you what sort of a person he really is....and it will also tell you what sort of a person you are.
Accept his habit? if you do, then you're allowing yourself to be open to further abuse. Any love you have for him will eventually dissolve and by that time, you will be a very tired soul because abuse of any kind, slowly but surely grinds you down.
You are causing yourself to be damaged by staying and fighting for a relationship with this man. You are trying to put it right by getting his name calling to stop. You are in a sense "flogging a dead horse."
The choice is yours whether you need/want to stay with him...the demeaning and hurtful abuse only adds to it.
Hi 387 -
This guy is BS! Struthio has some sound advice. Educate yourself. The first thing I thought when reading your post was "Wow, this is abuse."
I'm not sure this behavior will change...I suppose it could...after all any thing is possible.
I hate to say it but looking to get out may be the only real change that will matter.