Hi, first off I am 31. Never been married, have no kids. I do however have some experience as i did raise my sisters two boys. I have been dating a girl a few years older (35) than me for a little over a year. She has been married twice. She has a daughter who just recently turned 10, this child has never met her biological father btw. So...i have a pretty solid relationship with gf although like any relationship it has its moments! My issue though is the child. She is so rude and selfish and will not listen to anyone about anything...ever.. She is totally unresponsive to any authority or discipline. Has no responsibility and is super lazy. I have tried on multiple occasions to talk to the kid like a friend and as a "father figure", I have made so many suggestions to gf about trying different methods and she says she has tried them all and nothing works. She has taken the kid to counselors and psychiatrists and they tell her that she (mom) is the problem. I agree. She has spoiled this kid so bad that she cant/wont bathe without mommy running her water(when you can actually get her to bathe), she wont get her own drink, she needs help finding her shoes, her backpack, doesnt know where to look for her underwear at, cant/wont do anything for herself. She is cruel to the dog to the point it hates and bites her and hates all kids. She is a master manipulator, she will not go to bed. She stays up watching TV until 2-3 am even on school nights. She wont wake up in the mornings and makes her mother late for work. Infact her mom got fired from her last job(shes a nurse btw) because she had been late so many times due to the kid being so difficult in the mornings. Gf drinks up to 6 beers every night "to deal with it all" gets very defensive when i say anything about the drinking. Gf is very clingy and needy, but a super fun person most of the time. She asks me to help her with the kid and i try try try but if the kid doesnt respect/fear her mom, im not sure she will be receptive to anyone. I am so discouraged and discusted, and the longer this goes on the less attractive the whole scene is to me. Now..gf is single parent, has always worked in healthcare, she has almost always worked 12 hr shifts (as do I) and i know there isnt much left after 12 hours of critical patient care. I also know other moms who face the same struggles and have better results with their children...I feel like im too committed somehow to end the relationship, but what am i looking at in the future..is my life going to be complete hell with this kid? An unruly, self-centered teenage hormonal female with no respect or discipline? Is it my responsibility to tackle the kids behavior? If you were me you would.......???
No, it's not your responsibility to raise this child. You're right, this child has been spoilt rotten.
Your girlfriend is her mother and she's done the wrong thing by letting this child get the way she is.
It doesn't matter if she worked 12 hour shifts, when your a parent, you have responsibility. How well you handle this responsibility will determine the outcome of what/who your children will grow into.
Either level headed adults or head on car accidents.
Sadly, this child will learn the hard way in life.
Your input is worthless unless her mother supports you when you try and discipline her child..and I'm sorry, but you're wasting your time trying to assist to help this child unless you have that support...and I doubt if you do.
If you stay in the relationship, you will either become heartless or be stomped on continually by the disrespect from this child.
You'll eventually walk away. You state you're disgusted now, then ask yourself what you will be like later on. And if you feel like you're too committed now to a woman who has given up and has started drinking to cope, who berates you when you comment on this behavior???...
You've come across as a caring, decent man but what awaits you in this relationship, you have already stated here....complete hell.
Yes, this is extreme behavior from a 10 year old - girls that age can be selfish and self-centered, but yes, this is off the chart.
So is your GE's response. - drinking away her problems.
Imagine yourself in 5 years. That ought to give you your answer.
Don't blame the child.
Her mother probably brought other men into her life and this is hard on a child.
She may have been molested.
If I were you I would not marry this woman, she will eat you up alive.
I have pity on the child with such a mother.
She will rue it one day when the child turns to drugs.
Get our if you don't understand and help the child instead of blaming her for her behavior, what do you expect..
If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen, you have no love.