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My boyfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do

Posted by
on Jan 6 2014 at 21:56
Member since: 06 January 2014
Emotional advice I don't know what to do. I've grown very close to my boyfriend and I've always been skeptical of using the L word, but I feel like it sometimes (I've never said anything to him). We have a great time when we go out. I can be myself around him and everything. But if I have a problem and I try to talk it out with him... he completely blows it up worse than I make it and just blames it on me and I end up feeling terrible. He's opened up to me about himself, and he's talked about how he's suicidal and all the problems he faces and it scares me so bad. We've been friends for years but only recently become this close. I want him to know that I care about him and that he doesn't need to feel this way... and I know that I can't cure anything or make him feel completely fine but I try my hardest to be there for him and let him know that I care. And he's stuck with me for awhile so I know he must feel something for me. But if we ever fight and we try to talk about it later, he makes it like it's entirely my fault and he hasn't been talking to me about anything. He ignored me to play this video game and when I told him it felt a bit shitty to be ignored like that he just turned it around on me, once again. And I feel like I can't get mad (even though I have) because I don't want to hurt him or make him feel even worse about himself. He doesn't have a very high self esteem and with everything that's going on his head I just don't know how to talk to him. I don't know if there's any way to help this situation, but I would appreciate anything you have to say. I'm hurt, and I cry myself to sleep many nights because I have no other outlet and I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I don't usually do anything like this and usually something like this would seem really silly and pointless to me, but I'm desperate. He's depressed and I feel like I'm the one who makes it worse. I don't know if he would be better off without me or what. I have no idea what to do or how to handle anything, and of course I can't talk to him, because every single time it has turned out worse than how it was before.
My boyfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do
Reply from
on Jan 6 2014 at 23:43
Member since: 27 December 2013
Sad - your fella has ISSUES that you did NOT cause and you can NOT cure.

Why can't you accept this?

Perhaps it's because you are a rescuer,and feel as though you are responsible for this guy's life. This is going to cause you to feel depressed and helpless, which is how you are feeling right now.

I hope you get enough self esteem to realize that he is not healthy for you in any way.

My boyfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do
Reply from
on Jan 8 2014 at 00:30
Member since: 29 December 2013
In other words, this guy blames you for his issues and you take the blame for them.

You're desperate in a situation where you really have no right to be in.

Whatever you do or say will make no difference to this guy. He needs to sort his own issues out, not you.

And if you feel you're the one making it worse, then the whole situation is dragging you down to his level.

It's not so much the case of if he would be better off without you... it's a bell ringer that you ARE better off without him!!

My boyfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do
Reply from
on Jan 8 2014 at 02:27
Member since: 08 January 2014
Yes, you need to let him sort himself out...on his own...don't help. You aren't helping him or yourself.

You can be there if his car breaks down and needs a ride.

You can help him move into his new place.

But for the love of yourself, please get out of this situation. He will figure things out, in due time. He will grow tired of being lonely, and sad, and he will do something about it.

Sometimes change does people a lot of good, and if that change is you, he will realize what he's doing. If you were ever worth it to him, he will give you space and be honest about his issues and that he needs to work on himself.

And if you never meant all that much except for someone on which to place blame, he will continue to place blame on you, and never change...and you know you cannot stay in a relationship like that

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