He doesn't feel the same anymore...
In a few months it will be our two year anniversary, we have been talking for two years prior to that. I recently gave birth to our baby girl a month ago and we both love her more than anything. (My issue has nothing to do with our newborn.) ok so it's been for a few months now that things just don't feel the same as they were when we first started dating. We both used to be so close, blowing up each others phone throughout the day, constantly kissing & hugging and just so affectionate and things have been the total opposite. We used to be very physical and attracted to each other. Not anymore. Me, I love him more than ever, I feel so happy with him, he's so gorgeous and perfect in my eyes, i still want him just as much as I did in the very beginning. If anything I probably want him more each day. But him, the physical attraction to me decreased around my third trimester, we went from having sex 3-4 times a week to once a week if I got lucky. He isn't all over me anymore and doesn't make me feel good about myself or anything to bring up my confidence or to help me forget about my insecurities. He used to make me feel so special, like as if I had everything I wanted and needed in my life. Now my heart just feels so empty at the end of every night. It's gotten so bad to where I feel that I'm only staying for the baby. I feel like just moving on. Everytime I bring it to his attention he says it will change but next day everything is back to the way it was the day before. I am tired of begging for attention and love from him. Everytime I'm about to leave, the old him comes along and I change my mind. But I'm already starting to get over that phase. Because he's like this with me, my insecurities bother me so much more and it's like I don't even wanna go out anywhere cause I feel like his eyes are wandering around everywhere and I don't wanna actually catch him cause it will really crush me. I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. He's never cheated, he doesn't talk to any girls, and he doesn't really go anywhere without me (btw not one of those things were my choice, they were all his and it goes both ways). I'm starting to feel like I love our baby more than him, more than our relationship, more than anything. Is that bad? My issue is, why be with someone who doesn't make you feel sexy/attractive? Why be with someone who doesn't treat you the same as he once did? I try doing so many things to get his attention but nothing works. I'm about to really give up. Clearly I love him more than he lives me bit he won't admit it. Every night when he's asleep, I just stare at his face, everything I love about him and cry and think to myself, I'm really gonna miss him when we are over, but feeling this way at the end of every single day is NOT worth it.
When any relationship becomes an obligation, it's over.
If you really feel you're only staying for the baby's sake then it's become an obligation.
Please bear in mind, there are plenty of couples/people who stay in a relationship that's become an obligation for very real reasons but the choice is theirs to make....just as it's yours.
You're a Mom, so you now need to focus on that responsibility....there's nothing wrong with putting your daughter first.
VINNIE - all the things you feel are VERY common/normal for a new mother. Heck, your hormones aren't even leveled out to normal yet. Your body is not the same. You have a little one that needs you 24/7. That may be why you are feeling a little depressed.
Right now, you and your husband should bond around the needs to your baby. You are still in a fragile state.
In another month or so, all that crazy love feelings for him will come back and you can even have another honeymoon period in your marriage.
Be patient and count your blessings. It sounds like you have a devoted husband and a healthy baby.
If you feel this way after 9 weeks, return to your Dr. for another checkup.
Thank you both very much for advice. Sorry about the confusion, I meant that it\'s him that is acting differently. And has been for a while, before our baby was born. There\'s nothing wrong or different with me despite recently giving birth, if anything has changed, I just have a lot more love and affection for both him and my baby. I\'m experiencing all the positive effects. So I\'m more confused as to why if I\'ve been putting in so much effort in making sure he knows how I feel, why isn\'t had doing the same and why has it stopped? His affection, attention and attraction to me has done nothing but drop drastically in the past 6+ months. So I\'m debating whether I should just move on and leave it alone or not.
My advice doesn't change. A couple that has had a baby often goes thru an upheaval and you are in the middle of it.
He's a new dad and feeling lost. Time will help here as he gets used to his new role.
You have not given any reasons why you should leave him except he is not paying enough attention to you. At this time, he may be feeling a little lost and shoved to the side.
Give this some time.
I get you! He is denying that your feelings are real. He is denying that he is having a problem.
Are you able to take care of the baby by yourself?
Maybe a sabbatical would do you both some good?
I have to agree with you, why beat a dead horse? Maybe bring that up and see the reaction? I hope things will change but....
Good luck, Whatsup
Thank you guys, I really appreciate the comments. Well things have been going a bit better for us. But he's been being very nice and sweet out of no where. Maybe I'm just a little paranoid. And I guess I was feeling a little too sentimental and attention craved because I'm not used to being at home cooped up all the time just waiting for him to come home from work. My maternity leave was amazing, but I've always been devoted to working, I just returned to work last Sunday and I can really say it keeps me busy and keeps my mind of things sometimes. I don't really have time to be texting him as much or wonder what he's doing, so the day goes by quicker and next thing you know, I'm back at home with my babies! and to WHATSUP: I would agree with you on him denying my feelings but I have done way too much for him to be blinded and think that. I have given up a lot of friends, (who maybe weren't good to be hanging around with in the first place), I don't go clubbing, (never did). I work, work, work, I don't talk to guys or go hang out with friends, never have. I am a good mom, I put my babies first over any club or hangout, so I know for a fact he isn't worried about me meeting other people, or feeling less affectionate, or not caring at all because of how much I've done to prove what I do feel. And yes I can take very good care of my baby, I also have a 7 year old daughter as well, so I know that surely isn't the case. The first thing I do when I come home from work is run to my newborn to see if she's awake (since she's always sleeping.) I am a very good mom and girlfriend, but I think it's me that's the problem. I always wanted to be single, alone, so that I wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt, or even having drama or worries on my mind at all. I just wanted to be carefree. But we kinda just fell for eachother and couldn't help staying away. I forgot to mention in my original post, I have a very bad insecurity issue with my weight, I am extremely petite and I hate it more than anything. Please don't give the speech about eating more bs, I've heard that everywhere and trust me, this hurts me every minute of every single day how tiny I am. I have a very high metabolism so now matter how much I eat, I do not gain an ounce, so if I knew of a solution to gain weight, I would have jumped on that right away years ago. Anywho, before we dated, he used to point out specific body times in which he admired, (we were only friends at the time, nothing else.) and what he pointed out what always the complete OPPOSITE of me, curvy. So I knew what he liked already but now he denies it and I feel so low because I can't give him what he truly desires, I don't feel comfortable anywhere we go, in anything I wear, it's just depressing and has literally taken over my happiness. Trust me, I'm not sick either, every doctor I've seen has recommended eating more or just waiting a few more years to put some weight on, umm yeah, not happening. So, my question is, should I be with him if I don't feel like I 100% satisfy him? or if I'm as attractive to him as he wished? He's never done or said anything to make me have doubts, but I know what his type was before we got together, it can't just change right? I honestly love him dearly, but I do not want him to feel like he's stuck with me cause of new baby, I'd rather us both go separate ways and find our happiness. But everytime I mention it he tells me I'm stupid for thinking all of that and we need to stay together as a family, he wants to be together. I feel like I don't want to get involved with him or anyone else because of my weight issues/insecurities. I worry more about it when I'm in a relationship. My weight isn't changing, neither is my depression over it, I feel like everytime we go somewhere he's looking at every other beautiful girl with a better body wishing he had her or something similar. I just hate wearing shorts and spaghetti strap shirts and going anywhere in general now. It sucks
I'm sorry so long but like I said, I have no one I can trust to talk to about my problems, I need you guys help... lol