Long distance girlfriend of 5 years wont reciprocate intimacy
My long distance girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years. She is 25, and I am 24. We are both full time students who live with our respective parents, and have gotten to spend 5 months out of the year physically together for the last couple years (month for Christmas, 3 for summer, a week or so at a time a couple times in between), with most of it being at her house. She is a virgin, and had never been in a relationship before me. I love her very much, and would love to spend my life with her, but there is one problem that is more and more bothering me every day. Since early on, she was able to become comfortable being naked around me, and has had no problem receiving intimacy from me to orgasm every night or so in the form of clitoral stimulation. While I have no problem taking care of her, in the 5 years we've been together she has only ever reciprocated 3 times, with 2 of them being just recently. I have done all I can to help make her more comfortable with things. I compliment her regularly, give her foot rubs every night, and often times several times during the day. I clean up for her, take generally good care of her, and am always happy to be close. I have also made a point not to push things on her too much, as I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. This time up, though, it had been bothering me so much that not only was she not okay touching, but so much as seeing my naked body, that I talked to her about it. She seemed receptive, and generally felt bad, and has since been able to become comfortable with my body, but still cant reciprocate intimacy. When I asked why, as I had even purchased condoms at her request to avoid mess, all she could say was that it was just the thought of the action that made her uncomfortable, and not the touching itself. All I'm asking for is a handjob, as she cant have sex due to scar tissue from a surgery from her childhood (or so she has told me). It has gotten to where she is avoiding intimacy all together to avoid having to touch me, or leave me feeling disappointed, which is only making things harder for me. I really do love her, and would hate for this to be the reason for ending a 5 year relationship that in just about every other way I'm happy with. I have just reached the end of my rope on this and have no clue what to do. Talking hasn't helped at all, and I'm starting to believe she may never be able to get over this, let alone have sex. tl;dr - GF of 5 years wont give a hand job even after being ok getting her sexual needs met, and I have no clue where to go with things.
Intimacy is an important part of a successful relationship...so is communication.
If she really wanted to have sex with you, then she wouldn't be withdrawing from you. She would be doing her utmost to address the issue...including counseling and seeking medical advice.
You do all you can to make her comfortable etc ...you're contributing, but if she is avoiding the issue completely now, then she isn't.. and after 5 years in a long distance relationship, and given her age, she should be mature enough to make decisions about sex and her inability to address/discuss the issue.
Her actions are speaking. And if she withdraws from you about this important issue now, what will it be like later in life when other issues arise?
Your relationship is out of balance. She does not enjoy your body or touching you, yet she takes all the pleasure you offer.
Does she want to stay a virgin? Is there a cultural or religious reason for this inability to reciprocate sexual actions? Are you sure she likes men?
What if you marry and she STILL does not like sex with you?
You need to have an honest talk to her about this.
There is nothing cultural or religious keeping her from returning intimacy. There is also no history of abuse either. She cant have sexual intercourse for medical reasons at the moment, which I am completely understanding of. We have had two serious discussions about things, and all she can come up with is that the thought of the act in and of itself is what makes her uncomfortable, due to squeamishness more or less. Though she says she WANTS to be comfortable with it, for some reason she just cant get over it. I've decided to stop initiating intimacy and start becoming more dominant in the relationship as I have always been incredibly submissive until now, and perhaps that's what has caused her to enter a state of complacency.
Please consider couples counseling. You are not equipped or qualified to handle an issue like this.
You must get a professional to help you two through this. Good luck.