I don't know what to do about my marriage
I am 33 yrs. old, and my wife is 30. We got married 2 yrs. ago but we have lived together for about 4 years. I love her, she is a great woman, she is got a great heart, she is very sweet, she is very beautiful, and most important she is very faithful. We enjoy our time together very much. But when is about spending time with my family or friends she just doesn't like it. I also believe I am a very good husband, even though I make mistakes that most men do like going out with a friend for a few beers at the bar and coming back at 2 am. (this has happened 3 times during our time together). I always called her to let her know that I would stay a little longer. Then went I got home I will start feeling the sickness of the alcohol and try to go to sleep but she turns into someone I don't know. And, while I am really sick in bed she starts pushing me back and forth, she will sit on top of me and start asking me the same question over and over again: why did you do it? why? why? etc. she will do this for even 3 hours. Also, since I am not a drinker, I get the next-day headache/vomit, etc. and she can see me dying of sick and she won't even give me a glass of water. No food, no medicine, nothing. This is only the beginning. In addition, she doesn't like to share with me and the people I know. If get invited to some reunion or party, she won't go because she says she doesn't know anybody. Instead, I go with her to almost every invitation we get from her friends, her parents, anywhere. I try to please her as much as possible. I got a great relationship with her parents. But she doesn't with my mother. She has never try to talk to her and maybe try to get things better. But her worst defect is her jealousy. She will question me if I am watching an action movie where some nude scene comes up... she will start asking me if that's why I'm watching this movie and the subject will be on for at least hours. But the main reason why I'm here is because our marriage is in a break or fix point and I need to make a decision. I am a very nice guy, I really care about my wife and I try to please her in everything. We were just planning to buy our first house. I am very down to earth, I don't smoke, only drink socially, and I love sports, I play soccer my whole life. But I also have my defects and I also make mistakes. Where I'm I going?: Well since I have been with my wife, I have fallen in the temptation of looking at porn only a few times. Nothing major, I'm not addicted to it and I know that is not right. She went into my phone and checked my history and saw it. She has come over me and started attacking me, hitting me as much as she can, she lost her self-control, she went crazy. It got me really really scared to see her like this. This has happened three times in our 8 year relationship. And I don't think this is right. I also know that I messed up really bad by doing that and promise to myself that I will never do it again because I know is not correct and because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I asked with tears in my eyes to forgive me and until today's date she hasn't accepted my apologies. It has been 2 weeks since we had this fight and she still hasn't forgiven me because she says she is hurt and that it make take months for her to forgive me. But, then I ask myself: Is this okay to be in a marriage like this? My wife also told me that if this happens ever again she will leave me. No matter if it happens in 10 years she won't care and she will leave me. And I think, the point is not that I do it again or not in the next 10 years. But is this something a reason to break a marriage??? Like I said, I don't plan to do it again, and I am not sick or addicted to it. But I am a man and I may, one day, fall again. All I want is for you guys to look at the big picture. There are a lot of issues in my marriage. We have talk about it but nothing gets fix. I am very scare to think of breaking my marriage but sometimes I think that there is no way out and that maybe we are better going our on ways. What do you guys think? I will really appreciate some advice. Thanks in advance.
Your wife has some serious issues.
It's dangerous behavior for her to check your phone. It's her insecurity talking when she questions you about nude scenes in action movies.
She is exhibiting controlling behavior when she refuses to go to events with you because she doesn't know anybody.
You go out of your way to make her comfortable, happy etc but all you're doing is pandering to her.
You admit your mistakes but she won't admit hers. It may be a no-no to look at porn in your opinion, but her reaction is over the top. Legally, that's assault and it's most defiantly extreme.
Insecurity in personal relationships often leads to one partner trying to control the other partner.
It means there is little or no trust in the relationship. Any successful relationship needs trust, first and foremost to survive. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. And all relationships need a 2 way flow of communication.
If your wife can't trust you, no matter how hard you try to be a loving, caring, faithful husband, then you're basically married 'on paper' only.
If you stay with your wife, unless she realizes her issues and seeks professional advice, then you will eventually tire your very soul out running around and forever trying to make her happy and at the same time, you'll be miserable because she won't allow you to be YOU.
She has severe insecurity issues. I suffer from this and it comes and goes with how you feel that day. It could be a lot of reason why she is. For me personally medications messed my hormones up and my weight went up as well so it was a double punch in the gut. Could her past relationships have caused her insecurity? Before you are totally done I would recommend a marriage counselor if she is willing and if not counseling for just yourself. Because of her insecurity it is making a hostile environment for the both of you and that is abusive to you and not healthy for her or anybody else in the house. As far as the porn thing goes as a woman in my marriage I don't care if he looks at it as long as he isn't choosing it over sex with me. One of us is out of town or I am sick type of situation.. BUT this issue needs to be decided between each couple on what is ok. I would advise therapy and have an agreement to visit the issue. Her not seeing your friends or family is because she is insecure and likely doesn't feel comfortable no matter what you say or do to help.. until she gets therapy I wouldn't push this issue for her and understand you going out without her will put her in a mood.. being insecure means you want to go but are uneasy about it for whatever reason.. so when you go or do anyways she will be salty when you get home. Staying out drinking until 2...... darling you are married. I know you call and that's nice of you but no good comes out of staying out past midnight unless you are single we all know it.