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Have I Truly Messed It Up?

Posted by
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 24 2014 at 02:29
Member since: 11 January 2014
Relationship advice So my gf recently broke up with me about 2-3 weeks ago. Everything was going perfect she said how she's never felt this loved before or that a guy could ever do this much for her and how that she wants to be together forever and to never leave and stay with her she's said that on multiple occasions while we were together and how I was her dream guy her perfect boyfriend how I would drop everything for her and how i did everything and anything for her . Then she said how she just wants to have fun and mess around and she suddenly bored of me and lack of interest and she said I depended on her and how I was insecure and would get jealous easy even though I became insecure because of her as she said we were together she would talk to old exes and crushes and she said how an old crush made her forget me even though that old crush hated her and how we had to talk everyday and stuff which wasn't true we didn't but she never told me so I didn't know she felt like that.so I got really depressed and really drunk and I self harmed and ended up In the hospital for a day my family got angry and blamed her for it and my brother drunk at the time made it out to be so much worse when he spoke to her. So she got mad at me and said it was over and she never wants to get back together and stuff. So I apologised to her said I'm getting counselling to better myself for me and for her I've tried to apologise on so many occasions to her so I decided to leave her alone for a while. We started talking like 4 days later she messaged me she started telling me all the guys she has now and how she has a nice selection and how she flirts constantly with them all and how the don't act like a bitch when they get jealous which I did obviously as I'm still very much Inlove with her and hearing her tell me this stuff hurt me and got to me so I responded not so gentlemenly and we argued and she told me to go away I'm harassing her. I spent the next day apologising for my actions and how I wasn't thinking straight and how I'm still Inlove with her and I'd do anything for another chance she really is the only one for me. She hasn't replied to my messages I know if I called it would make things worse. Have I ruined everything? I'm giving her space and time it just I'm driving myself crazy and the counselling only helps so much I miss her so much I don't know what to do. Sorry for the long message and its wording again I'm not thinking straight.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
MANALONE
on Jan 24 2014 at 03:17
Member since: 29 December 2013
Poopyhead, if I was you, I seriously wouldn't waste my time on her.

Why do you think one of her ex crushes hates her?

She's using everything in the book to control you, use you and then discard you.

You haven't ruined anything other than yourself by self harming etc..Your family has every right to blame her but you're responsible for your own actions.

You state, she made you insecure...then there's your answer to your issue...if the respect and love you gave her was reciprocated back to you then you wouldn't be here on this forum. Her actions would not have made you feel insecure, instead if she was sincere, then her actions should have made you happy and SECURE.

You are going to do your head in if you continue to pursue this woman..better to find someone who respects you for who you are.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 24 2014 at 03:42
Member since: 11 January 2014
To manalone it's just she has a lot of guy friends and she would talk to them constantly when we were together like messaging and stuff and I'm a care free kind of guy and it wouldn't get to me what so ever as I knew she loved me so I was ok it was just after that thing with her ex crush that made me lose a bit of faith and later on she tried to pursue that guy while we were together she told me that and how he didn't care for her and how she had me loving her the whole time and I'm all she needs and wants so it dented my confidence and I became insecure afterwards. Then she tells me all the guys she has and how she only likes one and that she's more serious with him cuz he's better looking the dude works out alot and I work out on occasion so I'm a lil chubby but I'm working out alot more now but that's besides the point so she tells me all this and that she has a guy over at hers keeping her company the guy has a gf but he thought about cheating cuz of the way she was acting but she stated they weren't fooling around or messing around. So she gets upset with my reaction to this as I get upset and hurt and jealous to hear all of this and I say she has little to no morals and I thought she was better then that I said that out of anger she tells me to get over it and that I'm harassing her so I spent the next day apologising I get no reply still havnt aswell I know I wronged her by self harming and wrongfully saying she had feelings for someone else while we were together but I was only going by what had happened previous and the way she was with the other person. I gave her everything I did everything she said I was needy and clingy yet she would always tell me to stay with her never leave and when ever she needed me I would drop everything for her. It's just depressing I went from being her everything to nothing and she has no remorse she told me to get over it. I feel as I've lost her for good to some dude who wouldn't apreciate her as much as I did and still do I love her so much.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 24 2014 at 04:23
Member since: 11 January 2014
Also I didn't put it now cuz of what's been said she thinks everything I say is a lie and it's not I would never lie to her as she has trust issues so I try to tell her stuff and she's like no you liar your full of shit I just don't know what to do. It's just the thought that she's with someone else kills me as she moved so fast and quick like I meant nothing to her. I stopped her from killing her self but that means fuck all I spent 3 days without sleep just to watch over her make sure she's ok and that someone's there for her loving her but no if you have looks all that shit becomes meaningless.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
NEWTOCHAT
on Jan 24 2014 at 04:46
Member since: 23 April 2013
Hay Poopy -

I think you are being to hard on yourself. I don't think this situation was all your fault. It seems to me like a set up...push and see how far he can be pushed. Else why would anyone say the things she said to you? The only reason I can figure is she wanted a reaction. I'm sorry she was able to hurt you so much and she didn't feel any pain herself! She sounds like a sociopath."ME, I"M SO IMPORTANT, ME, ME, ME."

If you are able talk to a professional about this relationship. I don't blame your family for holding her responsible.

Would you honestly talk to a a lover you respected the way she talked to you and feel no pain? I can't imagine doing it myself.

Rest, recuperate and take care of yourself - even let your family take care of you some.

I hope you are feeling better soon...let us know. Remember, 'what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander'...find someone who can love and care for you the same way YOU are able to love and care for them; not be so shallow and superficial!

Whatsup

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 24 2014 at 05:39
Member since: 11 January 2014
To whatsup

Thank you for the kind words my brothers said she was trying to provoke me. It's just I did everything for her she would go on how she's never had a guy been this nice to her or cared for her as much as I have and how she use to cry when we would talk as she was so happy and felt so loved and cared for and how everything was perfect and she said even though she can be cold at times and be a moody person she still truly loves me and will always love me and those were her true feelings then now I mean absolutely nothing to her she's like new year fresh start she just wants to have fun and mess around but like a week before her saying that she was all I love you don't leave stay with me I'd miss you our jokes your laugh your smile and all that and now she's just flirts with any guy that will give her attention.

I honestly thought we would be together forever like she was the girl of my dreams she was just perfect she's so beautiful I know it doesn't look it now but she was so kind caring sweet loving innocent sexy sensual funny smart just perfect and I was just like wow I met my dream girl and she loves me wow I'll devote my life to make her happy just for her to go yawn I'm bored NEXT I just want to get back with her but I think I've burnt my bridge and my chances I'm such an idiot it's eating at me I sit here depressed while she's doing everything she wants to and is having her fun and doesn't even care about me anymore but as long as she's happy that's all that matters to me.

She called me selfish and that I use to go on about my self and stuff....I don't care for myself I would rarely mention anything to do about me yeah I would be hard on myself and say stuff like I don't deserve you your too good for me how could you be with a monster like me but that's because I have little to no confidence. She use to allways go on about her self though but I didn't care as I loved her and just put up with it for her as it was a way for get to get her problems of her chest. I just want her back

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
MANALONE
on Jan 24 2014 at 05:54
Member since: 29 December 2013
Poopy, she can have all the male friends in the world...who cares?..as long as she treats YOU as her man and treats YOU right.

She hasn't treated you the way you deserve. Instead she's discarded you.

Who cares what you look like?..so what if the other fool pumps iron....it's whats inside a person that counts.

This woman doesn't understand this,.. she's immature and remorseless and it shows.

She's pushed your 'insecure buttons' to control you just to show you she's capable of it.

That's unacceptable behavior and you are a victim, so for your own good, bro, move on from her.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 25 2014 at 00:21
Member since: 11 January 2014
To manalone the male friends didn't bug me I really don't care about stuff like that it never bothered me and I was never the jealous type as I'm more understanding and accepting.

Tbh when we were together she never cheated or did anything with any other guy except that one time I mentioned about trying to pursue him even though he never liked her. I'm at fault aswell as I tend to over think and sweat the small stuff and she said that it was pushing her away and stuff all this drama I caused but I didn't do it for no good reason.

She said that she didn't feel like my gf just someone there to make me happy which wasn't true and that I depended on her which again wasn't true she never told me any of this until she was breaking up with me. I'm not a mind reader if I knew I would of made sure to change those thoughts as it wasn't true she used to allways say don't leave stay with me and stuff.

She did push my buttons as she messaged me about her boy toys and would ask what's the average penis size and that her boy toy has a big dick and all this stuff like wtf would I want to know or hear that. Her response was "just get over it" it had only been a few days after breaking up she said that to me so I obviously was still hurt angry and upset jealous and depressed so I responded the way I did.

Yeah she said she knew she was shallow but she didn't need looks or muscles cuz she had me and I was just as good looking to her and I gave her love she's never felt before.

Then she said she was bored lack of excitement blah blah but like a day before saying that she was all I love you stay with me don't leave.

I still love her as she really is my dream girl and I would do anything to win her back as I'm slowly getting my self better with counselling and working out more I'm trying to be a better me for her idk why I can't get over her I truly love her and she went on how I threw everything back in her face but she threw all my love my time my affection everything I did for her back I to mine and shows no remorse as she says " I just wanna have fun and I am so everything's going perfectly" why can't I be enough I was at one point. It's just frustrating sorry I feel like I'm ranting.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 25 2014 at 00:30
Member since: 27 December 2013
This girl is toxic to you. I don't see one good thing you two do for each other.

You have a big job in front of you: get yourself emotionally healthy. Try to do this without any influence from this or any other girl.

When you have strengthened yourself, then you can have a healthy relationship. I have a feeling you will not pick a lady like this one. She just is not good for you.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 26 2014 at 00:16
Member since: 11 January 2014
Sorry I don't believe she is toxic to me it's just I still love her and care for her deeply as she did wonders for me and my confidence she helped me so much it's just I truly think she's the one as I can't imagine anyone more perfect then her and I would love to get back but I feel as though I've burnt all my bridges as she is not talking to me and she says she moves on very quick like a week or a day or two I'm just depressed I've lost my chance with her now or in the future like I would do anything to get her back or to be back together and show her I can be the man she loved and wanted she's very stubborn and when her mind is set that's it but she's changed her mind in the past because of me. I just want a chance again I just don't know what to do its killing me slowly the thought of never being with her is driving me crazy and she doesn't reply to my messages even though I know she sees them I know she's cutting all communication hoping I'll get over her or forget her but its impossible I can't I've tried so fucking hard and I just end up at the same conclusion that I love her. Idk what to do anymore I just sit here hoping she doesn't atleast forget about me or will be willing to here me out. I fucked it all up
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
NEWTOCHAT
on Jan 26 2014 at 00:58
Member since: 23 April 2013
Hey Poopy -

Its been what 4 wks now. It may take a long time to get over this BUT you will because you don't have any choice! Do something: you really like to do...fishing, hunting, skiing, ride motorcycles, anything. Do something you've never done before...sky diving, diving, camping, take a trip. Keep yourself busy esp with things the two of you never did. And keep open to new people...you never know what's around the next corner! Keep in touch, Whatsup.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 26 2014 at 01:43
Member since: 11 January 2014
Hey whatsup

Yeah I've been doing stuff like I'm an artist and while we were together that sort of stopped as she use to ask for me to stay or be with her so I would stop painting and cancel my art shows and exhibitions to be with her as I found she was more important then my art. It's just she really is my dream girl so to speak like I find her to be perfect just the way she is I feel like she was the one and I found her early and I said I wouldn't do anything to ruin it and be the best person possible and I was able to as she's said I've been her best boyfriend and friend she's ever had I'd do anything for her. I know she said she doesn't want a relationship now it's just I guess what plagues my mind as I over think is if meets someone or goes for someone I know it's out of my control I understand but it's just I feel as though I've blew it with her my friend said if its true love she'll come back regardless after she's had all her fun give her space and time to see if she's made a mistake or not like she would always say that I've done stuff for her that she thought most guys would never do and how I appreciated her more then any guy ever has i just feel as though my attempts at getting back together or trying to salvage anything has just pushed her further away like all I do is try I'm nice to her if though she hasn't been as pleasent to me I told her I will always be here for her if she needed help its just she thinks everything I say is a lie which it isn't ive never lied to her so its just frustrating its like anything I do is wrong

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
EXSQUAD
on Jan 26 2014 at 09:41
Member since: 20 January 2014
listen mate it seems your not willing 2 accept what some good people on here are telling you!!!!!

STAY AWAY From this girl !

Listen, she blatantly has no respect for you whatsoever, and guess what man? SHE NEVER WILL !

She is taking pleasure from actually succeeding in destroying you!!! Not a nice person, and she never will be either.

Forget her, never look back, no matter how hard that May be, trust me it's not gonna be as hard as trying 2 maintain some kind of relationship with her ! This girl will never make you happy, she will cause you nothing but eternal pain and heartbreak - she thrives from giving u these negative feelings.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
NEWTOCHAT
on Jan 26 2014 at 19:52
Member since: 23 April 2013
Hi Poopy -

There is a great idea...put these feelings into your art! Use the pain and anguish, use the joy and love in your art! It almost sounds like the 'breakup' could be better for your art than she was!

Don't give up on yourself!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, don't give up at all BUT do stay away.

Keep your head up! Keep in touch. Whatsup

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 26 2014 at 20:44
Member since: 27 December 2013
You gave up your art for HER?

She is bored with you and wants to have fun and mess around, and you are still hanging on to having a meaningful relationship with HER?

You are frustrated and then you yourself and ended up in the hospital, upsetting your family and you still worry about HER?

Please read the book, "Co-Dependent No More.'

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 26 2014 at 22:48
Member since: 11 January 2014
Hello whatsup and DQ

Yeah I have I put it into my art work my feelings and stuff and it helps.

I hear what everyone is saying to stay away she's no good and stuff I understand even though you think I don't I do. It's just when we were together before this happened it was perfect we were both happy together we both made each other happy. I just miss her I had a chance to atleast be her friend but that's when she provoked me and hasn't spoken to me since 17th jan I just want to atleast make things right so even if we depart it wasn't on bad grounds or bad blood I'm just that kind of person I guess that wants to make sure it ended well. I'm just angry at her reasons to break up yeah I understand about the self halming as she said the moment I did that I was dead to her as she thinks I did it as a guilt trip which again wasn't true I did it as I felt like I had no option and had nothing left. Just the Bordem and saying I was insecure and needed her there all the time which isn't fucking true. I did absolutely everything for her I stopped my art for her I alienated my self from everyone so I could spend time with her I stopped her from killing herself I made her more confident I gave her self essteam she was the clingy one I would wake up literally to 50 messages saying how she misses me and loves me and I'm all she thinks about then this shit happens oh I'm bored just wanna have fun blah blah it just took me by surprise I know I should of respected her wishes from the beginning and just been there for her like she's said this before and I did that and we got together because of it she said she still likes me it's just she doesn't want a relationship. I just love her guys and want to get back or atleast have done sort of contact with her. I just miss her.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
MANALONE
on Jan 26 2014 at 23:12
Member since: 29 December 2013
Poopy, you gave up everything for her, but it wasn't enough. There's not much else you could have done for her. You spread yourself pretty thin...but it didn't come back.

When we read between your lines, you, personally, will never depart from this woman on bad grounds, you won't allow that. It's one of your ways of dealing with it.

But don't blame yourself..you gave it your best shot, you put the effort in, you can't do anymore than that.

Poopy, you come across as a kind and considerate person, but now is the time you need to start being kind and considerate to yourself.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 27 2014 at 04:01
Member since: 11 January 2014
To manalone

I know I did everything I made mistakes and I did everything to correct them but she won't either listen or acknowledge that I'm doing everything in my power to make up for hurting her I think she's truly forgotten about me or hates me as she thinks I've betrayed her with my selfishness but wasn't she being a lil selfish in not letting me try to make things work after she told me she was bored and felt like I threw everything in her face I just wanted one chance to make things right as she is the love of my life you can say you only think that move on forget it and stuff but its just how I feel I just want to make things right with her you know? I should of respected her wishes and we would at least still be in contact and she wouldn't hate me that's what hurts as its gone from love to I still like you to hate and it's killing me as she was my best friend and I havnt only lost my love but my best friend she knows I'm not a bad guy or an arsehole and I don't mean to do any of this to her or to upset her I just panicked and didn't know what to do so I self harmed I never blamed her nor lied to her it's just she's incredibly stubborn and changes her mind alot and when it's changed it's hard to make her think or see differently but I've done it in the past that's how we were together anyway she said she didn't want a relationship but she still went with me cuz I was Ryan that's my name XD I just want to talk to her again to atleast know she's doing well I just want my friend back I lost cuz I got stubborn and depressed that I was going to lose my love and just for her to go with some guy that won't appreciate her as much as I did and do and I doubt most guys would do the stuff and put up with the stuff I did and have for her. it's so frustrating I feel like she's ignoring me not cuz she hates me but on purpose or to make me feel bad or depressed as revenge for me betraying her with my self harming I just want to have one final talk with her but it won't ever happen so It just feels like I havnt got closure but she did cuz I was a insecure dick that would fuck stuff up but try his hardest to make up and apologise for so she's like fuck him I tried to be friends but she just went on about all her boy toys....I'm just going in circles sorry I'm just frustrated

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
NEWTOCHAT
on Jan 27 2014 at 06:43
Member since: 23 April 2013
Hey Poopy -

Then write her a letter...send a telegram...leave a message on her phone...And then give it up! You are only hurting yourself and she will never even know about it. Be strong! Get some counseling or join a support group for the brokenhearted!

Keep your chin up, Whatsup

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 27 2014 at 19:14
Member since: 11 January 2014
To whatsup I've left her messages on her Facebook but I know she doesn't look at them. It's killing me how she just doesn't give a fuck about me anymore I did everything I could possibly do for her I atleast just want her in my life. I just want one chance you know? She said she's given me multiple chances but she hasn't I'm just dieing over here I just want to make things right I just idk I just can't seem to live without her all I do now is counselling and sleep I have no drive no energy to do anything and I know she's having the time of her life which just makes me feel like I was a hindrance to her life I feel so bad enough now I have that to contend with I just want one final talk and that's it one chance it could be literally one conversation and that's it but she's so fucking stubborn as I am aswell I didn't mean to do any of this to her I fucking love her why would I upset her? I just feel like I'm better of dead as I won't have to feel or worry about any of this shit I really can't survive without her in my life I need her or need to atleast know she's there. It's too much I can't take it anymore I can't breathe I can't eat I can't get an erection I don't even leave the house my counsellor comes to me I don't even leave my bed I just lie here waiting for death I just can't do it anymore ive lost all motivation to survive what's the point to living when the only thing that made you want to live wont even hear you out her "fun" is more important. I can't go on without here there call me a fucking idiot idc anymore I've lost all reason to care I'll just wait for death or speed things up I just want to fucking talk to her.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 27 2014 at 19:30
Member since: 27 December 2013
What would you say at that one final talk?
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 27 2014 at 20:26
Member since: 11 January 2014
I would say or ask for one chance to make things right and to prove to her and show her I can be a better man and I would do anything for her I would give up on everything but not her I would sacrifice everything for her and I'll make sure history doesn't repeat it's self I'd do everything and anything in my power to do so. I'd make it work. That she wouldn't have to do a thing she can carry on what's she's doing and I'll do all the work I'll do it I'll do everything for her for one chance to be in her life again that she's my motivation my inspiration for everything I'd drop my insecurities my jealousy my problems for her I'm going to counselling so I can better myself for her. I'm working out so I can look better for her. I'd tell her how much I love her and appreciate her and how I'd do everything to make it right between us and make sure she doesn't regret it or reconsider it how she's my everything and how I'm lost without her and how she makes everything better how much I miss her and treasure our time we had together how she got rid of my depression in the beginning and how she made me feel love that I havnt felt in a long Time and how she made me feel complete how I'd spend the rest of my life trying my hardest to make her happy have all the fun and love she needs I'd do anything I just want one last chance and if she thinks I'm fucking up I'd end it or I'd go away forever.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 28 2014 at 23:32
Member since: 11 January 2014
Should I just give her space and time so she can have her "fun" and try again when the dust settles I'm just scared that if I vanish from her life completely then there's no chance in the future.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 29 2014 at 22:23
Member since: 11 January 2014
So I messaged her on FB apologising for calling her the names I did and stuff she didn't reply and she blocked me. Should I just give her space and time as I also messaged her through the week as I got drunk and sent multiple messages ._. So should I just give it time fôr her to cool down again.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 29 2014 at 22:27
Member since: 27 December 2013
Can't you take the hint???? This is OVER.

Move on.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 29 2014 at 22:36
Member since: 11 January 2014
Im sorry DQ but I can't as she said she still had feelings for me after the break up so I can't I should of let things cool down so I am NC I am going to better myself now I'm sorry I'm stubborn and she's the love of my life so I can't just let it go so easily I will win her back I've done it before I just need to give her time and space.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 29 2014 at 22:45
Member since: 11 January 2014
I asked a friend of ours about it she said she did it to piss me off and to see if I still care and to annoy me she's done stuff like this in the past and said stuff like this out of anger like she tried to kill herself then we had a lil argument and she said I made her regret her decision. Also she said that she's still angry at me and she still has some feelings for me but my messaging was annoying her so she blocked me.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
POOPYHEAD
on Jan 30 2014 at 23:45
Member since: 11 January 2014
Errr she sent me an email of a dude with his top off I don't understand why she's being like this or doing this to me while all I've been is pleasant to her I know she's trying to make me jealous and shit but fuck her she's so fucking shallow it's beyond the point of caring fuck her he's just a muscle bound idiot fucking he can have her fuck the whore I did everything for her and she treats me like shit. Fuck it fuck her I'm done the thing is the dude lives in fucking Germany so I just fuck it I'm done this was the push to get over her fucking whore.
Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 30 2014 at 23:49
Member since: 27 December 2013
You are having temper tantrums because this did not end the way YOU wanted it to.

Suck it up and be a man. Your posts are escalating with hysteria and mean language.

Get over this so you can find another woman - with you a little more wiser.

Have I truly messed it up?
Reply from
MANALONE
on Jan 30 2014 at 23:56
Member since: 29 December 2013
Poopy, you are enabling her to damage you again while you insist on staying in contact with this woman. She is goading you and doing it just to prove she's capable of it.

Don't give her the satisfaction.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?