Should we still be together?
Okay, so I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost three months now. We became friends two months before deciding to start a relationship. He is my first, but he has an ex. We’ve been having more downs lately than I could imagine. It started before he went on holidays. So around two months ago. But we realised that things were getting bad once he went on holidays. He left for three and a half weeks and we found it really difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. However, we got through that. But now, we’re going through other problems. He started feeling subpar not long ago, compared to everyone else. He never trusts me, nor believes my words. He thinks I prefer other guys over him. But I don't. I honestly love him with all my heart. And I've never thought about anyone else but him. But he doesn't believe me. He feels really bad. So bad that he feels like killing himself. I feel so guilty. He’s really insecure, gets jealous easily, has a really short temper, and can sometimes be a real smartass. But I don’t blame him. But everytime we have an argument, he pushes all the blame onto me. And he always accuses me of cheating on him. He says I used to have intercourse with some guys from my old school. He says I don’t find him as hot and as tall as others in our school. He always makes me swear on my family, my friends, and myself on things that shouldn’t matter. But it does to him. Things such as, I’ve never liked anyone in my life except him, I’ve never talked about other guys to my friends, and so on. We even have fights about tumblr. I barely ever start arguments. I’m a very forgiving person. The type to forgive and forget. But he isn’t. He can’t forgive. Nor can he forget. He keeps bringing back old mistakes of mine into new arguments. I really hate that. I know I’ve been in the wrong, but he doesn’t have to continue to make me feel guilt. He always argues with me over boys.
We’re currently on a break. School is starting soon, so we decided to shorten the break to just two days (including today). I want to have a long and deep think about this. I know I want to stay with him. I know I want him in my life. I know he’s the only one I can imagine myself with him. But is him being with me ruining his life? Can I really make him happy? Am I the one for him? When it comes to relationships.. I’m serious. I’m very serious about my feelings. I don’t ever want to play on people’s feelings. Just like how I wouldn’t want to be played on. He’s my first ever. And I don’t mind if he is my only one. I don’t care if people talk about how I married my first love. My first boyfriend. I can honestly see a future with him. I don’t know if this changes anything, but we’ve been doing some foreplay every now and then. I find it helps me feel closer to him. It feels really intimate. It feels good and it reassures me that he’s mine. It was both of our first times doing foreplay. But recently, he told me that he thinks I’m only with him for that stuff. I’m not.. I’d stop if he feels like that. But it just hurts me to hear how he thinks of me. Everytime we fight, he calls me names. Heaps. So many I can’t even list them all if I wanted to.
What I want to know from everyone is what should I do? What are my choices? Is staying with him a good or bad choice? I love him with all my heart.. But I find that I can’t provide him with everything he needs. He told me he doesn’t feel appreciated by me. He feels like I’m not his number 1. Everytime I try to reassure him, he never believes me. even if I swear on my life about something, he never does. He never has trusted me. and he’s 100% possessive. It’s obvious. But I don’t mind. He’s fairly controlling but I don’t mind. I don’t blame him. I find that he treats me like a princess but I treat him like I do with everyone else. Like he’s not special.
Should I separate from him? I love him.. but being with me isn’t doing him any goodness. I would never take him for granted. I'm sorry if my details are all over the place. But thank you in advance. Any advice is welcome! Thank you
You treat him as you should...but he doesn't treat you as he should.
Instead he is a controller, a person who controls their partner.
You're correct when you state he's insecure and he is controlling you by making you swear on this and that. He is manipulating you. You may be forgiving but his behavior will grind you down eventually.
You can reassure him until you're blue in the face but insecure people need constant reassuring and unless he matures and realizes he has a problem, then this will be a lifetime trait.
Insecure people eventually isolate their partners from their friends and family and can cause untold damage to their partners well being.
I'm sorry, he'll ruin his own life without your input and it's far better that you distance yourself from this guy asap.
Hi there. All these things you are saying only lead me to the conclusion that your boyfriend is very insecure and has a huge self-esteem problem. You say that you love him and you are a very forgiving person, but let me tell you that everything has its own limits, even your patience and forgiveness. Imagine, you are having such problems now, after just 3 months. It's only the beginning and it will get much worse. About what you said, that treat him like everyone else.. I am not so sure about that. Do you kiss and have intimate moments with everyone else? No. Well then obviously he is special. Listen, you don't have to do anything to prove your love. It's just obvious. Besides, if someone really loves you, they wouldn't need a proof of your love to them. That would be just an expression of how selfish they really are.
His insecurities will ruin not only his, but also your life. I have no idea how old are you, but trust me, there is no point being with someone who makes you miserable and stressed. Considering that you said you really loved him, my advice to you is to talk this through with him. Tell him how you feel, tell him that his trust issues are killing you (because if u love someone you choose to trust them), tell him that it hurts you when he is calling you names and when he needs a proof of your love, but cannot see it in the way you love being with him. Be firm and confident. Tell him that he needs to change his attite towards you because he is hurting you and you can't take it anymore. Just push him a little bit by telling him that if these drama scenes don't stop your relationship will end. If he really loves you he will change.
I was in the same situation with my ex boyfriend. He was just like this, always so possessive, always in need of proof of my love. I stopped talking to all of my male friends because of him, because he was so jelous. And to what end? He never appreciated it anyway. Trust me, whatever you do, if your guy has a problem with himself, there is nothing that you can do to change his behaviour. Just try to talk these things out and see if he can sort it. If he refuses even to try or to listen to you it means he doesn't find your feeling worthy of consideration. Insecure people are very selfish and proud and that is why nothing you ever do will be enough for them. People need to see and enjoy the little things, the little signs of love and affection. Good luck.
His insecurities will drain you.
He sounds like he has a lot of issues.
Move on, dear. Love should not be like this.