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To marry or not to marry

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I have been in a relationship with an American girl since 1 year. I am East Indian. She was very poor but now doing pretty well. She was abused as a child. She does have a little bit of alcohol problem. She is on anti depressant. In the last year, we did have a few low points because of her losing control due to too much alcohol. I love her but I am kind of a person who always strive to improve. This sometime makes me say things that I think is good for her. This results in friction. One night I said we should breakup. It was terrible. I felt terribly guilty thinking that I have hurt her feelings. The very next day we are back together. She wants to move in but I am not into it yet. She wants to get married but against prenup saying its a recipe for divorce. She loves me I know. But are we really compatible? I am not sure what to do? Should I continue by being more communicative or accepting her who she is or again break up? I am completely at loss. I am in 30s and got my shit together. She is in her 30s too. Please advice.

To marry or not to marry

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NO you are not compatible. Do not let her move in with you. She may have an alcohol problem and you should know that this will get worse over time.

To marry or not to marry

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Prince, alcohol abuse only causes problems, hurt, damage, heartbreak, anxiety and the list goes on...but this list is what effects those who are closest to those who abuse alcohol. It has a ripple effect and those in love with an alcohol abuser have a hard road to hoe....I speak from personal experience here. If you argue after she's had too much to drink, then that's her real side coming to the fore because alcohol doesn't lie. You may love her and will try to improve her life etc but she will have to do it herself....you can't. I'm sorry, she might be a good person but if she has an alcohol problem, even 'a little bit' , it will only get worse before it gets better.

To marry or not to marry

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Thanks SUSIEDQ and MANALONE. She always asks me these days if the relationship is going somewhere. Is there a polite way of saying that it is not going to work out? I feel terrible but some amount of pain now is better than getting divorced with kids and lot of pain later, i guess. I think our values and goals are different. I do love to hangout with her and her friends or my friends but I don't drink much. 2 at most to be social. But if you drink so much that I have to take you to the ER, then we got a problem. Moreover, sending raunchy texts to a guy friend or ex when drunk, is not acceptable to me at least. What should i say when she asks me next time, if I see myself with her in future or not?

To marry or not to marry

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well Prince, her actions are speaking while she's drunk. Ask yourself if that's what you need in a relationship. Frankly, Prince, I won't wait until she asks you next time, I'd be upfront with her now about it all.

To marry or not to marry

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I don't think you are going to be able to break this off gently. You must know by now that her behavior is often not rational and she is demanding of attention and drama. She also exhibits alcoholic behavior. Break it off quickly. You are going to have to find NEW friends and a whole new schedule. Do this now, for your own sake. And be more wise in future choices of a partner.

To marry or not to marry

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Thanks again. I feel bad for breaking her heart. But I want her to be happy. Unless she change herself, I don't know how she will be happy in future though. I am sure universe has a plan for her just like everybody. She will be fine. As I am ready to leave her, does that mean my love for her is not unconditional? What is unconditional love then?

To marry or not to marry

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Prince, If you've made a decision to leave her, then you've done this for both of you. You haven't necessarily made a decision for her but you've acted with the best interests of your relationship in mind. You've realized that there was no future while she has a drinking problem, among other things, which affects her behavior at times. You've realized that's her issue to overcome. Unconditional love is usually between those in highly committed relationships such as families. Prince, if in your heart you know you've done the right thing and you've "got my shit together" as you state then all you need to do now is to continue to be true to yourself and get on with your life without her.

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