Wife wants space
I have been married for 5 years. My wife and I had our ups and downs. Before thanksgiving she starts to act different. She tells me she wants space and that she wants to be independent and build her life up. A couple days later she admits she has been talking to another guy and she says she's sorry and that what we have is real and that she'll make things right. Well a couple days go by everything was good till one night around 2:30am she says she's going to step outside for a cigarette and to make a phone call. We then started arguing over it and it got worse. We are now separated and have been since the beginning of December. At one point we didn't talk through Christmas or New Years and she has been talking to the guy through all of it. Until recently we started to talk again and I told her I wanted to make things work but she said she needs time to build her life up before getting back together. And then she said she doesn't know if she'll be able to fulfill my needs. Just sending mixed messages. After that I suggested divorce and it bothered her. I don't know if I should try and save the marriage or it's over and she wants to move on but is afraid to be the one to say it's over. Any advice is appreciated.
Wayne, you should only mention divorce if you're serious about it and by doing so, you're admitting the marriage is over in your eyes. In your mind, you've moved on.
She's sending you mixed messages but you need to send her clear and concise ones.
She can't remain married to you if she wants/needs space and independence. It's that simple.
You make your own mind up if you want to stay separated but if you mention divorce then should follow that through.
It is unfair for her to give these mixed messages. She either makes up her mind to come back or she truly makes it on her own.
But we are hearing one side of this.
What kind of "needs" do you have that she says she can't fulfill?
Marriage counseling is in order.