Long distance husband
we have had alot of prbs. He once helped me out and i felt very obliged to do everythign he said because i felt i owed him. Bt today i feel like i felt right after he helped me that he used my situation back then and even till today. I think whilst i was in bad condition and he took pics of me he took them because h wanted to show his other woman ( whom he married to get benefits from her and her family) to show her that he "had to" be the nice person help a "poor" woman, in trouble. I told him i loved him, i did everything i could in my hand to make this relationship work. We had good sexual relationship and we went on and off to see eachother different countries. he asked me to meet his family eventhough they hate me ( because of me his wife got upset, and she pays for everything). I spoke about moving in, having a family. he said yes then no. then that he will divorce her etc. which he never did. then he told me that he was very troubled that he had to be with her or somethign bad would have happened to him and his family.... I said okay then leave me. which he first cried and said no. then he got angry n said okay after he made me addicted to him emotionally dependant on him. Then I couldnt go from him. I paid for th most of the things in this relationship. When we broke up I always some how made contact eighter directly or via his family. he only searched for me once in life when i was forcefully held in another country he didnt kwn where i was and why and i didnt knw what to do and how. We still managed to be in touch. we found a way to love eachother, he made me change for his sake like dress the way he wanted, eat the way he wanted. he didnt want me to even talk or look at another male no matter who he was ( i hv been wid someone befre and he had accpted because it wasnt out of my free will, but i soon ddi evrythign that was in my hand to get rid off that unwanted relatiosnhip, which actually happned because this man thati really love left me indirectly, no contact, or i couldnt talk to him abt my situation and he was with his wife)he said he doesnt sleep with her he said that millions of times. i asked for babies, and he aid first no, then yes. then that well my parents say i should get married now and hv kids. n he said if i say no, he would marry someone else frm back home. I said you already have your wife and he said well i knew he didnt love her and that she wasnot from his "culture". so i married him thiking he would marry someone else and have his kids with another woman... he went back home. I spent times crying, missing him, fighting my emotions. being afraid. he started being nice to me, like tryign and call, text, ask to talk etc write to me. I kept havign these feelings that he is sleepping with this woman. at his home i found out she as logged in into his pc. and i found a womans hair clip. he denied everthing. recently i asked him why he didnt ask me to join viber, because he was not happy that i had stopped calling him because my phone company had changed prices) he said he didnt think my phone was compatible, and he had sent alot of invitiations... he didnt ask me t try and install it. well we started talking. n then he said that unless he was online himself i shouldnot send hi pics bcause his younger brother also uses his pc ( his youngr brother just started livin wd him) when i said well i can stop sendign u pics fully if u want then he went no no he dint mean that. after i while he asked me or i asked him to tell me romantic things when i am free we decided we will talk. ( w r in diffr countries) i left messgs everywhere ont he net and phn that i was sleepy and that i may nt reply becase i m sleeping. he CALLED N LEFT MESSGS knowin i ws alseep things like hey why r u sleeping hey wakeup ...when i wokeup after few hrs i mesgg him that i am awake. he didnt reply. then....few hrs went by i downloaed an app, whcih allowed me to use a local number to tex him.......i texted like a randome girl. like hi cutie, what r u doing. and he replied things like first he used his wifes nick name ( he nevr calld us by our names becase he maybe didnt wanted to mix up , and if he did he could cover his ass) then he said hey.xxx. you dissappeared what i was in school etc) HE HAD TOLD ME that he was not going to school/ college. after i text him again guess again iam not ur XXX he said yeah i said you MINE XXX..!!! then i couldnot take it anymre and i said its very interesting to know that ....n then he realised n he started calling my pet names.. he called me and i tried to ask him n he got defensive that he was at work n he didnt wana talk nonsense so i texted him nt to contct me ever. he tried to call me alot after wards that night and text me like i alwys do that to him, ( nt contct) n tht i shud read the messgs again ( which i did still seems like he was talkin to her) n when we shortly spoke he old me well i didnt ssy i started school i may hv been at the school for liek five minuts,.. ) n that he used other nicks aswell...(where i told him that he was just shooting in the dark). i didnt pickup hes calls or texted him bk. usually i alwys do that i cry, i fight i end up beign sorry for his faults. next day he took me off FCBUK! n since then there is no contact. I hv ups n down i am green with worry, iam upset angry sad and dead inside. all my dreams my life is over. so he nevr loved me? he used me? why did he talk abt kids when he neever wntd them ? or nt with me. why did he create this relationship which obviosuly made me emotionally dpendnt on him. why did he nt leave me when i asked him to befre. why do i alwys hv to call, n him be in control over how he treats me and how iam suppose to act to make his life easy n mine miserable. I still love him alot all i want is for him to realise he is wrong. he is cheatin us both and he is a bad person. is he expdcting me to call him as suual and then he can threat me to leave me and demand more from me? or has he forgotten me and livign his life ? doesnt he miss my calls? my talks? my pictures? ( w r muslims he can marry 4 times! but in islam the 4 marriags r allowed ONLY if the women are in trouble like no place to go to help in those time men oculd give women a status of a wife to help with their lives, not to use them financially or emotionally or sexualy!, it was to have kids, to respect and bew tih each wife equally and most of all never ever a 2.d or 3.rd or 4th marriage will be acpd in islam if the first wife hasnt agreed on it so the prb is nt islam its this man and men like him) i spent my life my money my heart my soul on this man how can eh forget all that. and what am i suppose to do? eventhu he was unfriend me on FCBUK he has all my passwrds bt he hasnt logged in yet as far as i knw. i really want him to appreciate me to fullfill his promse of kids of lettin her go to be with me and just love me back like i love him unconditionally. he is the onyl man i allowed into my life like this and ruin my heart and soul
I don't know what to tell you. I can't understand a culture/religion that allows marriages and relationships that are of benefit to the male only.
So, you are stuck with the terms of that marriage. That's the way he is living his life - with relationships outside any marriages he has. He has all the benefits and you must accept this outdated model for a marriage. You will never have him all to yourself.
Perhaps you need to find a more modern man who understands exclusive commitment to one person.