Newest problem with separation
So ive posted a few times on here about how my wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 3 yrs and have a beautiful daughter together...we lived with our parents because money got tight and I was finishing school...she became extremely depressed about the situation over time because we had to stay longer than expected and I also became depressed because all I wanted was to be on our own again. We were just about a month away from being able to move out on our own again, we were looking at houses together and everything then all of a sudden I see a guy one day in her car at her work and I immediately got jealous and confronted her about it. She says it was innocent and they were only talking about work and that she swears nothing is going on between them. Well I guess that was the final straw and she moved out to her brothers house the next day. She said she doesn't feel the same about me right now and she doesn't know what she wants and she just needed time and space. I was so confused because we were just looking at houses together, and then this happened because of one little situation with that guy in her car but I feel I had every right to confront them on that situation any guy would. Well anyways she been gone just over two weeks, and just the other day I asked her to go on a date with me not to talk about anything just to have a good time together. She told me she would let me know....3 days later she still couldn't give me a yes or no on the date, but we were still talking everyday and we were getting along. Well the day came that I was suppose to take her out and i still didn't know for sure if she was going so i got all ready to go out anyways...she was at the gym she just joined so i was waiting for her call...she calls me as soon as she gets out of the gym and i asked her if she is going and she told me no she doesn't think she is ready for a date yet and that she had a headache from the gym and just wasn't up for anything tonight. I got a little upset didn't yell at her or anything was very calm but i was mad that she waited that long to tell me. She said she was just going home and watching a movie with her brothers kids and then going to bed. Well i was hanging out with friends pretty upset and i just had a gut feeling that something was up, my friends place i was at was very close to where her brothers house is where she lives. So i decided to drive by just to see if she was there i know sounds crazy but i had a horrible feeling inside of me so i had to see. Well i pull up to the house i see her car there then right behind it is the guys car that she works with who was in her car that one day...he was actually at my wifes brothers house with her when we were suppose to be on a date!! I called and called her and got no answer. I decided to go knock on the door and just talk i was very calm at this point and didn't plan on yelling or fighting that guy i just wanted to talk. After i knocked that guy came to door and noticed it was me and he ran up the stairs so i went in the house to talk and she locked her bed room door with him in there..she came out eventually and said were not doing anything wrong but u need to leave so i left the house but was outside still...she called he brother and he came home. She got all mad at me and her brother had words with me and almost wanted to fight me i think it is extremely cruel that she has another guy over and her family knows about it and i have been part of the family for 9 yrs and we are still married!!! Well the next day she texts me early in the morning and wants to talk so i met her we talked for an hour she was crying i was crying she tells me that she has been 100% faithful to me and that her and this guy have not done anything sexual together not even a kiss. She says that since shes been unhappy they became friends at work and started talking and he understood. Her exact words are hes been there for me and comforting me through our separation. She says he talks to me makes her laugh but nothing is going on between them and hes just a friend. I know this guys intentions and i know this is worng but i want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is not doing anything wrong except hanging out with him. What does everyone else think?
What she SAYS does not match what she DID. So you are going to have to figure out if you still trust her.
Her actions with this other fellow are inappropriate for a married woman. Then when she gets caught with him, everyone gets mad at you. I don't get it, unless there is something else going on that you are not sharing.
Can you two go to marriage counseling? There seems to be a lot going on here that needs sorting out.
I have asked her to go to counseling...my wife is a complete mess and she is not being herself at all...ever since she started suffering from depression she has been different and that's understandable. She says right now she is not in love with me like she use to be but she is confused, she said she is thinking about divorce but isn't 100% sure yet..she says what would a counselor do for us if she feels this way..i still think it would be a good idea because i honestly think everything that is going on with us is making her a different person and not thinking straight and a counselor would be nice to talk too...as far as them getting mad at me that night i got upset i talked to her brother he says he didn't know about the guy in the house but he really did and then started saying ignorant stuff why his sister left me, and he was drunk just so u know and we had some words and got into it on the phone that's why they were mad and that i came down to the house...the way she said it to me that her and bill are not doing anything sounded very honest but i don't know..i want to believe her but it is a very hard situation..i mean he could just be a friend and helping he through this but it could also be a start of a new relationship too and she just doesn't know yet..she says as of now its not like that between them..i just don't know what to think i am am emotional wreck..parts of me want to just get over her and move on but a bigger part of me wants to be with her so bad i would do anything to get her back..i love her so much she has been a big part of my life for 9 yrs.
JM, there's nothing you can do to make your wife come back to you.
She has to have the need to come back, the need to talk to you, the need go to counseling etc. Once she gets that need you won't have to go to her, she'll come to you. Instead of trying to push the issue, sit back and wait.
You asked her for a date and it took her awhile to answer but just because she said no doesn't mean that's final.
Your actions on the night should tell you about irrational behavior. You certainly don't need a confrontation with her drunken brother and you most certainly don't need to put yourself in the position where you've finally come face to face with your wife but which sees you arguing over the 'other' guy AGAIN.
You were outraged because this guy was with your wife when you pair were supposed to be on a date...understandable..but that's her decision.
Jm, after a 9 year relationship, there's always a chance of reconciliation but you're not doing yourself any favours by letting anger and confrontation blur your mindset.
Your face to face needs to be about working out your future together and most importantly, the well being of your daughter. But you both need to be in right mind frame to do this and both of you have to have the NEED to do this.
JM, it's obvious you have the need but your wife doesn't at this point.