PeoplesProblems Logo

I need a good, long hug, but I can't get one?

Default profile image
Emotional advice So here's the situation: I'm in college in PA, near Philly, but I'm from central CT, which is 6 hours away. Lately, I've been having trouble, and have been feeling down. For a while, one of my best and closest friends at college was acting really distant, and annoyed with everything I felt. My best and closest friend got a girlfriend, and now divides his time between her and the a group from our hall, which largely excludes girls (except his girlfriend). I want to tell him everything, but this is his first girlfriend, and I know she was already uneasy about the relationship I had with him beforehand (she liked him, and he and I were insanely close), and I don't want to cause any trouble, or make him worry, which I know he would. And then I was rushing a sorority with above said friend, that had been growing distant, and we were getting really close during the entire process, rushing basically the same one. We both knew and were good friends with a lot of the girls in the sorority from rugby, and things were really looking up for both of us. But bid day was today, and I guess my last conversations didn't go well (we both got invited back every night, so we both got far), and I didn't get in, but she did. All my friends did, except me. I got into one that I really didn't like, but had been pressured to put down by one of the women putting in our rankings. Basically, I'm dropping the bid from that sorority, because I was really miserable, and I've been crying/wanting to cry all day. All my best girl friends/all the girls on my floor are in the sorority I was going for, and I feel alone. I have a friend that lives above me, but he just made an a Capella group and is soon rushing a frat, and I would feel bad crying around him, because he doesn't do so well with open emotions.
Long story short, I really, really need a long hug. And my best friend that got into the sorority I want has been hugging me and telling me she loves me, as have all the girls in the sorority I wanted that I know. And I love the hugs, but they always make me cry, and then I feel stupid crying over not getting into a specific sorority. My mom is 6 hours away, and when I called her, I couldn't stop crying, which just made her cry because she couldn't be here. So I'm just a huge mess, and I don't have anyone to hug for a LOOOONG time like I could my mom. I can't get a dog or cat, since I live in the freshman dorms, and I feel stupid being 18 years old but crying over something as petty as this, and looking for hugs.
I was just wondering if anyone had any tips?? Like ways that I could get over this feeling of wanting hugs? It started before the recruitment (it started when my girl best friend was acting weird, and my guy one was never around), and now has only intensified, and I absolutely hate the feeling. I came to college in a different state to become more independent, but now I just feel lost and alone. I've been writing more lately, to help, but it can only go so far. I'm not continuing with the sorority I got into, as I really don't fit in at all (they were trying to get as many members as possible, regardless of whether or not they were a good fit) and everything feels off when I'm there. I have to wait a year if I want to rush again, which I don't know if I will, since they obviously didn't want me the first time around. I guess another issue of it is that it just feels horrible to not get into a sorority that all of your friends did, and just basically everyone.

I need a good, long hug, but I can't get one?

Default profile image
You are going to have to hug yourself, dear. You sound level headed and capable and in touch with your feelings. It's OK to be disappointed - but don't make this a tragedy. .

Know that you will take the next year to become more wiser and be more ready to choose a sorority that fits you best. You may even change your mind by then on which one you will rush.

Good luck and find new friends, too.



I need a good, long hug, but I can't get one?

Default profile image
Dear CFESTA,

It is the problem of growing up and leaving home, that one cannot enjoy the comforts of Mom and Dad anymore and must make it alone.

Sometimes growing up is painful and there is nothing much to do but to endure it. And eventually, you will find that you can live without hugs for the moment (until you make it back home again). But you will make it. Learn to be tough one day at a time.

Try to find something to focus on rather than just stay home and be sad and lonely. Instead, dress up and find something interesting to do: read lighthearted books, watch funny or encouraging shows or movies, get a part time job or volunteer work.

Find strength in yourself.

Dr Shamp

I need a good, long hug, but I can't get one?

Default profile image
I hope my response is not too late, I completely understand your feelings as I'm starting at university this year where I won't know anyone. I can tell you that the disappointment is going to pass, and just because you aren't in the same sorority doesn't mean that your friends aren't your friends anymore. It's obvious that your best friend still loves you and cares about you, and that's really a good thing to build on. If you weren't happy with where you were accepted, it's honestly ok to decide to wait for the next year to find a sorority or to just do your own thing! Although you are feeling lonely and disappointed, try to see this as an opportunity. Now you are free to experiment with things like living off-campus and finding a nice roommate as well as making some new friends as well as keeping touch with your old ones. Wanting a bit of physical reassurance is a completely normal thing, and it's ok to want to reach out to someone. If you get the urge but don't have anyone around, remind yourself how strong and independent you are being, and how much you will achieve. Love yourself. Everything happens with a reason, and this is something that you could accept and understand when you see the bigger picture. Best of luck!

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0