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I can't stand my boyfriend's friends!

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we do everything together including hanging out with his friends. Lately however I have been staying home while he went out to meet with them. The reason being I cannot stand them. I feel awful because just recently I told him why I didn't want to go with him to the bar to meet them. You see, his ex-girlfriend is one of those friends and though I've accepted it in the beginning, things have drastically changed over the years. She tends to have a little too much to drink and begins reminiscing about the old days when she and my boyfriend were together. There are certain things she felt the need to share with me that I never would have wanted to know such as how intimate they were and how sad they both were when they "mutually" broke up. I understand that my boyfriend has a past but I do not want all the details. The other friend is his childhood buddy he grew up with who is now MARRIED TO HER! The reason he doesn't speak up when she goes on and on about all the good times she had with my boyfriend is because (you guessed it) he and her were sleeping together while she was still with my boyfriend, plus she talks down to him and kind of belittles him, I think he's afraid of her. I know what you're thinking, 'Why the heck is he still friends with them?' I asked myself that question countless times and I believe it was because he had no one else to turn to. My Boyfriend was born and raised in a small town and when he and his buddy moved to the big city his buddy was all he had from home. So even though the two most important people in his life betrayed him, he didn't know where to turn, he didn't want to be alone. I've accepted that it was my choice getting into a relationship that involved an ex because I felt that since she is married and they haven't dated in years it wouldn't bother me and it didn't until it became routine that EVERYTIME we would get together she would go on a rant. She's made comments about his package and she even went as far as saying that if she and her husband ever split she would try to get back with him. I have spoken with her a few times about how inappropriate she is but it doesn't seem to get through. When I finally told my boyfriend about it he said he understood and was genuinely upset that she could be so disrespectful. The problem is that he has started to distance himself from them because he doesn't want to go do things with them without me. Though it is a grand gesture I can't help but feel awful at the fact that he is literally choosing me over his friends especially since I've seen how much fun he has with them. They've been through a lot together and I just don't want him to resent me in the future. What should I do?

I can't stand my boyfriend's friends!

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Mady, you have genuine reasons as to why YOU don't want to associate with your BF's friends. His ex drinks and then she says just what her thoughts and plans really are..alcohol doesn't lie...and she's bald faced enough to tell YOU! This is a threat gesture. She isn't and never has been a genuine friend to him and his childhood buddy has never been either. You're correct when you say they betrayed him. He needs to realize just what sort of people they are. But that will be his decision to make on those 'merits' and depending on his maturity and ability to really 'see' his friends while 'standing on the outside looking in' will decide if he blames you in any way in the future for their actions and what/who they are. If you have reciprocated love, trust and respect in your relationship with him then there shouldn't be a problem because he's not alone now. You have your own reasons for not wanting to associate with them and this tells us what your standards and values are but are your BF's the same?..or is he being loyal to you just because he's with you?

I can't stand my boyfriend's friends!

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Thank you so much for your feedback Manalone. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I wasn't being unfair in the situation. All the facts you pointed out make me feel better about my decision. I know deep down he's probably wanted to distance himself from them because he truly knew that these people only look out for themselves. Since we've been together his confidence has been building back up ever since they knocked it down. I believe we will be completely fine once all this fades into the past. And in a way its probably best for their marriage if he removes himself from the picture. Thanks again.

I can't stand my boyfriend's friends!

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I completely understand your situation. I was in a similar situation and the female in question sounds just like one of my fiancee's exes. You shouldn't feel bad about not liking his friends. You have a reason not to. Yes, those individuals may be the only friends he has but in my opinion he shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway. I think it's time he gets new friends. I do agree that if she can sit there and tell you that if she split with her husband she'd try to get back with YOUR boyfriend as a threat. She has no business being in his life.

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