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I need some advice on my controlling boyfriend

Posted by
LUNANOVA
on Feb 7 2014 at 23:36
Member since: 07 February 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I have been with my boyfriend for well over a year and we both love each other very much. Recently, he had a quarrel with one of my closest friends and he has forbid me from seeing her anymore. He told me it is either her or him. There is nothing I can do without losing someone I really care about. I feel so confused and trapped because whatever decision I make will likely be a difficult one. When I told him he could either have the pair of us or neither of us, he said he would rather have neither. He has done his best to convince me that she depresses me and stresses me, but I know that it is him who bothers me and brings me to tears so often. But the reason I would have a hard time leaving him even though I am so unhappy is because he was suicidal before we started dating and last night he told me he felt it again after a fight with his family. I fear that if I leave him he will either start smoking again and die that way (he has awful lungs) or kill himself some other way.
Reply from
DRSHAMP
on Feb 8 2014 at 02:04
Member since: 03 February 2014
Dear Lunanova,

If your boyfriend bothers you and brings you to tears often, if he tries to alienate you from your closest friend, if he makes you unhappy, and if he's suicidal, it is time for you to leave him.

The fact that he is suicidal means you must leave him immediately. Your staying with him will not stop him from being suicidal. Imagine, for example, you and him having a disagreement and then you find out later that he killed himself. Would you not feel terrible then? In fact, some people kill themselves in such a way to make it look like somebody else killed them, to get that somebody else in trouble.

The best way to handle suicidal people is to stay far, far away. That way, if he does kill himself, you will not know the cause. It could be somebody else or something else that upset him. You are not there, how can you be blamed? And even if you do blame yourself, your blame will be less than if you were right there, possibly directly causing the death.

Some people pretends to be suicidal in order to control others: "Do what I say or I'll kill myself!" Others are truly suicidal. No matter which kind your boyfriend is, you must preserve yourself and stay away from him. I am not saying this for his benefit, but for yours. Stay away from suicidal people; they are like black holes. They will suck you in if you are not careful.

The best thing for your boyfriend to do is to seek professional help. That professional is not you.

Hang on to your close friend.

Best of luck,

Dr Shamp

Reply from
KAGO
on Feb 11 2014 at 21:22
Member since: 05 March 2013
Your bf has no right to make that demand of u and if he does then I think u should dump him not ur friend. You asked him to pick either both of u or none and seems he easily picked none so if he is so easy to choose the dump u option then does he really care or have respect for u? sounds like he is throwing a tantrum because he aint getting his own way.. Also sounds like he is totally using the suicidal thing to try and control u but really its not ur problem dont let him blackmail u over it. It's your life dont let him make all the decisions for u no matter what pressure he puts on u if he truely loves u then he would put u first not control u.

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