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Saving a dying marriage

Posted by
on Feb 8 2014 at 03:15
Member since: 08 February 2014
Relationship advice Okay. I stay with my parents-in-law, husband and 3-yr-old son and we have been married for 5 years. It was a love marriage after many years of relationship. It was going all okay until sometime ago. I had quit my job to raise our son and I started working again 4 month ago. Obviously part of the household chores get neglected in my trying to manage my time between office, child and home. Lots of things in our house need fixing in which my husband is of no help. Even leaving our son with him alone for a few hours to go somewhere requires prior requests and exact time commitment. I am trying to juggle too many balls, and it is painful to see that while anything that is not attended to becomes such a big concern, all that I do is never even acknowledged. So we have started having too many fights, everyday, all the time. In fact, in the last 4 months, the only time we have spent together is time spent fighting. There is nothing else in our relationship right now - physical intimacy, sharing, talking, love - nothing. There is just a blame-game all the time. And somehow, I am the one to be blamed for everything - Food presentation is not good, child is creating a mess around the house, household chores, not waking up my husband early enough, creating a distance between husband and his parents, making my husband late to work everyday, my husband not having a social life, not hosting enough people at home.... everything. I try to solve for things. Ours has become a completely loveless, carefree, strenuous marriage. It's clearly dead or dying. I wonder if there is a way to revive it. I would give anything to have the life we had before we were married back. We had another fight last night where I shouted back in front of my husband's parents, and then they came up to me and told me how it was all my fault yet again.And then I told my mother-in-law that I am nothing and nobody to them and so they will only see their son's perspective. So it's no point talking to them. And right now, no one at home is talking to me. I don't know what I can do. I have proposed to my husband that I should move to another place for sometime and we should take a break from each other just to understand where we stand and what we want from each other. But he is totally opposed to that idea. And even I think moving away is not a solution because I don't earn enough to be able to afford a good and fancy day-care for my son together with renting out a new place and running all the household expenses, and I can't go back to my own parents either. I understand not being impulsive and reacting instantaneously is a good place to start right now. But really, what have I messed that all the happiness has left our marriage? Is this how all marriages become after 5-6 years? And what can I do right now - apologize to everyone, especially my husband, just for the heck of it? I don't know if anyone will read such a long post, but if someone does, please also advise.
Saving a dying marriage
Reply from
on Feb 8 2014 at 11:34
Member since: 07 February 2014
You and your husband are in desperate need of couples therapy. Try researching free therapy services or clinics in your area and start attending, as you need a third party that will remain objective. Your husband needs to realise that he should be supporting you as you have returned to your job, as well as helping out with your son. It's also not your in-laws place to attack or critisize you because your relationship with your husband should be a private matter. Try to communicate your desire for therapy or help in a calm matter, explaining why you have found it so hard to cope. I hope you find the help you need

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