Needing advice... feeling lost
This will be a long post, so sorry in advance for that. I feel I need to share my story to get someone's advice as I'm not comfortable telling any of my friends. I married at a young age, 18. Of course at the time, I thought I was in love. We were happy, have two beautiful children but after 12 years of marriage I met the man of my dreams. I fell in love with him and ended up having an affair which I know, wasn't the thing to do. I always said I wouldn't be one of those people. When my husband found out, it killed him. We decided to stay together and led miserable lives together for two years before we decided to divorce. In the meantime, the guy I cheated with moved on and I was very happy for him and still thought of him everyday. My ex husband and I started talking again after almost a year apart and he moved back in although we are not remarried. At first it was good, but I never went a day without thinking of this other man. Thinking of him daily drives me crazy and also he came back into my life and I talk with him. We haven't had a sexual relationship this time but he is my dear friend. I have no feelings but friendship for my ex but don't know how to express that. We really never talk beyond daily questions about the kids and the thought of being intimate with him does not appeal to me. My question is, should I get counseling to try to get the feeling back with my ex or should I just move on from both men and try to figure out my life for myself. I hate breaking up my family twice, all I can think of is my kids. Help!!
Rosebud, you're no use to your children the way you are.
You need space to sort your head and your life. Having both men around is doing you no favours because both just muddy the issue for you.
You need to step back and take control of your life and heal yourself so your children benefit from a renewed you.
I'm sorry, but no amount of counseling will give you your feelings back for your ex. That has to occur naturally.
If you state, you are just going through the motions with him, dealing with everyday issues concerning kids etc, then he is basically just there as a father and not so much as a loving 'husband' for you. In this sense, you will eventually move on from him again.
So rather than wait around, move on now from both men to be fair to yourself and most importantly, to your children.