Broken trust and moving on
My wife and I have been married for 8 years and got married right out of high school. We had our son shortly after who is now 7. We had some issues and were separated for a short time a few years into our marriage. A couple of years ago I found out she slept around with a few people during our separation which I accepted and we moved on. About a year and a half ago we nearly divorced as my wife had "fallen" for someone else. From the emails and texts I had seen they had been intimate and she wouldn't confess to it and to this day says that nothing happened. After some counseling with our pastor I decided to put faith in her and quit looking into her emails and texts. She recently deployed again and has been gone a few weeks. She asked me to login to her email to get some info for our taxes and when I was on there, there was a partial conversation from a name I didn't recognize. Within the messages (which were quite flirtatious) there were messages stating "thank you for the good night kiss", "want to be my desert after dinner? with the answer of course you know I do", and a long bit about how the guy felt he was pressuring her and she said "I am a grown woman, I wouldn't be doing anything I didn't want to do." I confronted her about the messages and she says that she was drinking, but nothing happened. As much as I would like to believe that and as much as I can be a forgiving person, I don't see how I can move past this betrayal again. I know the simple solution here is to cut ties, but I don't want lose my marriage. I am not sure though as to if at this point I can believe anything she says and if there is anyway to move past this again. Any recommendations, ideas, or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Oh Broken....sorry you are hurting. I myself am ending a 5-year relationship due to losing trust. It is hard when we are the ones hurting and feeling betrayed, but it is us who will move beyond this and experience better in our future, because we will have healed and worked through our emotions. I know that you stated you did not want to lose your marriage, but will you truly ever be able to trust her again? I know for myself, I can say I do, but question EVERYTHING and that is NOT healthy for me or him. We cannot make them want to be with us, and we need not put our energy into someone that is not accepting of it, or mistreats us. We must take our power back and let them move on, if that is what they chose. I hope it all works out for you....even though I am female, we are still kind of in the same boat. Be strong and know that when one door closes, another opens.
Brokentrust, your wife moved on from your relationship when you first separated those "few years into our relationship".
When we are with someone, we should be there 100% in mind, body and soul for the duration of the relationship. When we look to other people and other things for what we should be getting from our relationship, then our relationship is basically over.
It's obvious that you can't trust your wife and if you don't have trust then your marriage has no foundation to rest on.
You will continue to be hurt by your wife while you allow it to happen by staying with her. It's no use putting faith in her if she doesn't return it back to you.
You need stability and predictability in your life. You have a 7 year old son who needs these two things first and foremost as well.
There's only so much you can forgive, then it slowly but surely grinds you down until you're no good for anyone, let alone yourself or your son.
Be true to yourself and ask yourself where you are now, then ask yourself where you could be with someone who respects you for who you are...someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Unless you make positive changes with your life, you will continually find yourself back where you are now.
Your wife is a low down liar and a cheat, sorry man, the truth hurts and you sometimes have to be cruel 2 be kind. Forget what she got upto when you guys were seperated, that don't mean a thing. The fact she's doing these things whilst together indicates extremely low morals, no respect 4 u and very little respect for her own sons happiness! You can't make her happy but more importantly from what you say, it seems she'll never make you happy. Ditch the bitch! Kick her outta the family home, she don't deserve to be there anyhow. You know what needs to happen cos u put it In your headline "moving on" it's gonna be painful, it's gonna be tough, but know that your certainly not unique, this stuff happens all the time. Don't have any contact with her once you split, go through parents and in-laws with regards your son. A year on from now, I promise you will be fine.
I'm sorry, good luck