So I've been in the states for about 7 years and have been moving around alot causing me to want to keep only a certain level of closeness to people and never get too attached as I will just leave them. I don't want to feel the pain of losing friends and people i love to go and start over where you don't know anyone or anything.
Now it's time to go back to my home country and I will have to say goodbyes. I tried not to get attached but I failed at it finding that I like the company of the people around me now. It's a must for me to leave even if i want to or not. I only have a few months left before I leave and as the day I leave comes closer the more I'm wracking my brain.
Recently I've been around close friends of mine trying to spend as much time together before I leave and recently one of my friends in the group, a girl would get really sad when we talk about me leaving soon. Sometimes she would cry and I or herself would lightly pull each other to hug. I assure her that I'm still here that I won't be gone until a few months and that I told them sooner so we can have fun in our last months together as friends and maybe make accepting that I will leave a little bit easier.
Now she tries to spend a lot of time being with me alone. And being as I also want to spend some time with her I invite her out. Technically going on dates together. We are just close friends. But I've heard some of my and her best friends say that she has feelings for me and by how she's been acting around me lately I also am convinced that she does.
A few days ago we got into an argument. I caught her kissing with her ex-boyfriend who was pretty much a female hygene product to her when they dated. They broke up because I saw her ex on a date with some other girl. I later confronted her about what she was doing and she was shocked seeing me.
She then accused me of stalking her and saying it's her own life that I should just leave her alone. That I lied about him cheating that the other girl was just his sister. By then she was crying and yelling at me. I've known her for a longer time than her ex and I got mad that she trusted him over me. I yelled back saying how could you trust him over me I know what his sister looks like and I'm positive he doesn't make out with his sister in the car. We both kept silent after that I was about to apologize I stepped out of line. Before I could she told me I was the worst friend ever and she will be glad once I leave and then walked away.
Yesterday I went to the store to get some shipping boxes and bumped into her. She seemed like she wanted to say something but I hurriedly picked up the boxes from the ground and made my way home to pack. I attended school this morning and asked for my transcripts. I was at the parking lot when I ran into her again she asked how my packing was going I thought she was still mad and just wanted to know when I would leave her life so I responded with a simple fine. She asked me to stay for a bit i really just wanted to leave then she begged for me to stay so i did. She then confessed she found out I was telling the truth all along and apologized for the things she said. Inside I couldn't accept her apology and still felt hurt. I didn't want her near me anymore but I gave her a quick hug saying it's all fine I forgive you.
When I let go of her she kept hugging me and I felt her crying. She gave me the ' I Love You Please don't Leave' speech. Honestly I think I feel the same way towards her but I know I'll have to leave soon and the feeling of having her let go of our childhood friendship just for some other guy it still pains me. I'm deciding to let her go but I don't know how to put it and I'm contemplating on doing long distance but it's a new relationship and it doesn't seem like it would work.
Please give a descriptive advice on what I should do. Not anything on follow my heart because seriously neither of my brain or heart can decide. Thanks for reading please reply asap
I understand you also have feelings for her but the confusion of how to handle it on your leaving is whats confusing you?
If you are contemplating on Long Distance relationship, its not very easy to manage. It requires a high amount of commitment on each side to make it a success. Even in LDR you will need to meet occasionally to keep the relation going.
I suggest why don't you just keep in touch over email for a while after you leave and then decide as time goes on? After all its not compulsory to take a decision of a relationship immediately, is it? Right now just continue the friendship as is?
She also seems to be in a confusing stage as of now. For any relationship to end and another to start requires a healing period in between. From what you have written I don't think she has healed from the old relation and I don't feel she should start any new relation as of now. The fact that she was kissing her ex indicates she still has a soft corner for him which he managed to use and manipulate her. This is what indicates that she hasn't healed enough for a new relation as yet.
As far as your anger is concerned, please understand we often say things in anger which we even don't mean it. He manipulated her and she fell for that which led her to speak that way. Your anger should actually be on the manipulator and not on the words she spoke.
Just my view on it.