Long distance marriage
I've been married for 3 years, but my spouse and I have only been together for 2 years. We were separated for a year due to infidelity. I decided to try and forgive and salvage our marriage. We've been back together now for a year and it has not been easy. I don't know if I'm still in love or not. Our marriage is not what I expected out of a marriage. There's no communication all we do is argue. It got so bad, 4 months ago, I accepted a new traveling job. For my first assignment I'm 5k miles away for home and will be here for 8 months. I thought the distance would bring us closer together, but it's not. We still argue constantly.. I really don't know what to do.
Wondering, LDMs do work, but usually only with a solid foundation of being happily for years. Even then, some flounder.
Basically, your marriage was over when your spouse decided to go elsewhere and while you've TRIED to forgive and give it another go, it really takes a big effort from both partners to make it work.
Constant arguing is conflict....it's that simple.
Ask yourself if you have trust, honesty, communication and respect in your marriage...all flowing both ways. That will give you your answer where your marriage is at regardless if you're 5k miles away.
And the distance from home and the duration will determine if you're still in love.
I agree with you when you said my marriage was over when my spouse cheated. Our marriage lack everything you mentioned, TRUST< HONESTY< COMMUNICATION AND RESPECT.... It's been hell...I tried to express my unhappiness, but the response I get is "Why did you take me back"? After hearing that I get a feeling of guilt because I didn't have to let my spouse back in. In the state I live in you have to be separated for 1 year before you can file for divorce. 2 weeks before that year was over I let my spouse back in. I could have let it go but I didn't, now I can't handle it. When I tell my spouse "I want a divorce", my spouse states " Well I'm not going anywhere" I don't know if my spouse thinks I'm being irrational at the moment, but I mean it... I feel stuck... Would it be wrong for me to tell my spouse that I'm not in love anymore?
If you're not in love anymore, and you're 100% sure, then tell your wife it's over. It's no good being in the relationship with constant conflict as well as not being in love.
Your spouse has no comeback whatsoever, she was unfaithful in the first place. You made the effort to try and salvage...tells us what sort of a guy you are...most guys would have kept on walking after a year apart in a new marriage.
Keep your chin up regardless if you could have ended it sooner and make sure you completely get rid of that guilt. Now is the time to do the right thing for you and you alone.
All the best..