Need help to convince my parents to marry my rakhi brother
I love a boy very much and he loves me too but the problem is that when i was in 11th and 12th (i.e.past 4 years) i tied him rakhi in front of my whole family. But when we realized that we are in love we stopped celebrating rakhi with each other but his elder sister ties rakhi to my elder brother every year. Now the problem is my boyfriend's elder brother(he has 2 elder brothers and one elder sister and i have one elder brother) got to know about our relationship and he is forcing my boyfriend to leave me because of society fear as he thinks that both of our family will lost our esteem in society, and for this esteem we must break our relationship. His elder brother thinks that since i have tied rakhi to him , our marriage is impossible. Please advice me how can we convince our parents for our marriage. also he is my neighbour, 6 year older than me and i am manglik.
Dear, I think you are still too young and in a stage where it gets difficult to differentiate love from a crush. Please give yourself both time before you decide on anything.
Convincing parents might not be so difficult on the Rakhi front unlike the elder brother. He is more young and is more fixed on his concepts. Parents might be more flexible there. As regards to being a manglik...I do not know how far both families take horoscope seriously.
What would be your age? College going? Thats not the time for serious decisions. Its the age to concentrate on making your careers.
Thanks for the reply Shivangi. I am not too young Shivangi i will finish my college this june and then my parents will start finding boy for me to get married. And Shivangi its definitely love and not a crush and i am sure of it. And if i did not took up a decision how to convince my parents, they will make me marry to someone else. I just need to make my parents feel that what i have done is not wrong and since we both are serious in our relationship , we must get married.
Ok...if thats the case then you will have to first explain to your parents why you feel he is the perfect choice for you. There will be opposition and you need to be strong. Give your family time off to come to terms with it. Make it amply clear that you will not marry anyone else.
Any shock settles after sometime. Repeatedly saying the same thing gets our minds to accept whats told. So if you stand by your decision, they will ultimately give you consent.
Best of luck to you.
First thanks a lot to understand my problem. Actually Shivangi problem is that our society is a very conservative one and so our parents. You understand the reputation problem!! My boyfriend's elder brother know about our relationship and his main concern is that we cant marry once we have tied rakhi, doing this will destroy our reputation in society. So this is the main issue and i really have no idea how to make them feel that this marraige is possible
Coming from a conservative background myself I completely understand your problem. But Love marriages are seldom easy in our setups. You cannot undo the Rakhi tied, nor erase memories of it from peoples mind. Elder brother's concepts are fixed and due to the young age will not change too. The only chance is changing parents minds. They being older might accept it better. If you have a grandparent whom you can confide in...rope them in.
See @NGIE you have only 3 ways in front of you:-
1. Get married to the person of your parents choice (which is not an acceptable option here for you).
2. Get married against family wishes. Here you will face lots of hostility, bad words, ill feelings etc. But time is a healer for everything and years later when they see you leading a happy life things do settle. My cousin married a divorcee against parents wish. His mother stopped speaking to him and even sold off her house saying she never wants her daughter in law to step into that house. But years later when the grandchild came the same lady accepted them with an open heart and today relations are normal between them.
3. Convince family and get married - This is the most difficult path. It will take a lot of time (even years in some cases) to convince them that you will not marry anyone else. Requires a lot of strong commitment and understanding between you and your boyfriend.
Convincing will not be easy but unless you start the process how will you know how to go about it?
You both have to sit and decide on the path to be taken.
Shivangi thats the problem. Shivangi will you do me a favour? Actually i need to prove this (marraige with rakhi brother) happens and i am not only the one to do this. Can you post some clippings or anything that i can use as a proof to show my parents that this can be done or this may had been done in the past. Or do you know any anyone who can help me out with this??
I do not know anyone who has gone through similar situation. May be you can try asking in FB or yahoo?
actually i don't know anyone who would be right to talk about all this and will understand my situation. Can you ask or discuss about this with your contacts whom you can for me please.
I will be thankful to you.
I found these on net....might help you.
The tying of a Rakhi is not confined to a brother and sister. It could also be tied by a wife to her husband, or by a disciple to the Guru. (from http://www.amritapuri.org/3539/rakshabandan.aum)
Indra and Sachi: Indra, the king of devtas, had lost his kingdom to the asura Vritra. Indra's wife Sachi than tied a thread around her husband's wrist to ensure his victory in the upcoming war between him and Vrita. This was done at the behest of guru Brihaspati.
Legend of Yudhishtir
According to another legend of ‘Mahabharat’, Lord Krishna suggested Yudhishtir to organize a Rakhi ceremony to escape negative influence during the battle.
Legend of Kunti
Pandavas’ mother Kunti tied a Rakhi to her grandson Abhimanyu to protect him from negative aspects of life.
Poet Rabindranath Tagore’s Association with Rakhi Festival
Nobel Laureate poet Tagore organized Rakhi ceremony to empower the bond between the Hindus and the Muslims during the year of 1905 when the British Empire was planning for a Bengal partition. This initiative of Tagore became successful and Rakhi ceremony helped a lot at that time to spread the spirit of fraternity across India.
thankyou so much. Can you refer me some books from where i can get some help about anything like...thinking of people or anything that can help.
No idea @NGIE. Anyways if you go for public opinion it will always be mixed coz the general perception of Rakhi is Brother-Sister, so won't help you. Very few people even know of Lord Indra and his wife Sachi. May be you can take print outs from net and show.
thank you shivangi. Can you please suggest me what should be my approach?
His elder brother b'day is coming this month , should i give him a gift to impress him (with my first earning)?
Should i go for professional counselling? Can they help?
You don't mention much about this boy's feelings for you. Are his feelings just as strong for you?
If you are a college graduate and he is too, then you two are capable of moving to another country or area where over-emphasis on family esteem is not so much of a concern.
Yes his feelings for me are as strong as mine. But the thing is he is also not able to understand how to convince his parents.
Yes we are somewhat graduate but want to convince our parents and then only marry with their consent. and the problem is they think that marrying boy whom i have tied rakhi is not possible and will destroy their reputation. I just want to change their mind .
Yes you can do it by convincing your parents to think about marriage. 6 year ago a girl ties Rakhi on my wrist , i also try to solve this problem by the solution given by Shubangi
Im sort of in the same situation. Although she has not tied me rakhi, our friends, her family and my parents know us 'muh bola bhai behen'. But now we realized that we're in love with each other. I seriously don't know what to do because next year she's getting married to another dude as her parents are forcing her to. I can't even walk in and ask her hand because of the caste difference. Her family is way to old fashioned and are like 'tumhe maar kar jail jayenge, magar humarey pasand ke against jane nahi denge'.
Can you explained what Rakhi means, I'm a little confused.
Rakhi is supposed to be the thread tied around your wrist as a charm to protect you from evil deities, bad eyes, etc. But nowadays what people view it as is a sacred thread that ties or creates a relationship of brotherhood between a girl and guy. Basically when you tie a rakhi on a dude's wrist, from that day onwards that dude is going to be your brother and would swear to be there for you whenever you need him, this is what we're taught. But when you look upon history, you'll find wives tying rakhis on their husbands wrists, rishis tying rakhis on the devotees hands, even gods tying rakhis as a sheild kinda thing when on war with demons.
Dear @NGIE @SHIVANGI and
Please try to help me. I am also in same kind of situation. I have been loving this girl from the time I first saw her but on Rakhi day 6 years back I had went to her home to get tied from her younger sister but out of her family force the girl I loved also tied me rakhi. Now after so many years we both shared our feelings for each other and they are equally strong.
But the problem is not unlike yours where I have to convince others but I have to convince myself. I am having this false belief that it is wrong but I know consiously that it is not wrong. Ek galti 6 saal pehle ho gayi thi bas aur kya. I know what the problem is(my false belief) but I am not able to fix it.
Your response would be extremely helpful
I am going from the same situation..I called him as brother,he is 7 years elder than me and also my neighbor,our caste is same and we are from the same village....we love each other so much..I don't know how to convince my parents and society...I want to marry only him.
Hey friends have anybody solution this problem then help out.i also same situation and i try to solve this but i don't know how to solve it.please help all.please.
hey ANDROMOB20 how to you solve it and who is subhangi.plz dear you may help us.plz reply and help me.