Continuation of http://tinyurl.com/ne8ha22
This is a continuation of this problem https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/4125/Cheating-open-relationship-help-with-my-emotions
Firstly thanks for all your advice it was helpful and helped me to confront Sarah with my feelings
Taking your advice: I told Sarah that I didn’t think she loved me or cared abit for my feelings, she said that she was sorry, and that she did love me and that she would be totally honest with me from then on. I believed and forgave her.
Further Lies: I then found out on Friday 21st that she had slept with James on the night of the first “cheating” (on the 8th) and was still continuing to lie to me. The next day I asked her to choose between James and Me, she went quiet and didn’t want to say anything. I should have realised then that the silence was a decision. She then said “of course I chose you, but with all that’s been happening I think we should take a break and afterwards I’ll be totally monogamous.” I agreed as I thought it might be good to take some time and process all my emotions. I told her that after the break I wouldn’t be the one to come running back to her and if she wants me she’ll have to fight for me, she agreed and said that she wanted me to get angry at her for cheating on me, I said I could never stay angry at her. However the day she went and slept with James again, I know that technically we are on a break but she said she had chosen me. It just seems she doesn’t even care for my feelings, she was dressed unusually slutty and before she went paraded herself through the kitchen in front of me. She doesn’t want us to talk or see each other while on this break. What should I do? Does she have any feelings for me? Am I just being a little unreasonable since we are on a break? Will she even come back to me after this break? Part of me thinks that she is purposely trying to hurt my feelings and make me angry and hate her so I break up with her and she doesn’t have to do the dumping, I’m not going to lie it did make me angry that she went straight out and slept with James again after she said she’d chosen me but then we are on a break she can do whatever she wants. Should I just wait and see if she comes back to me at the end of the break (2 weeks)? I’m just so confused, hurt, angry, sad, worried and exhausted, I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in the last 2 weeks and I don’t think I can continue that way for another 2 weeks.
ok first things first I have a lot of common sense except to my own problem lol but anyway back on topic. She lied to you from the start. There's a saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. She's stringing you along. The open relationship thing can work but there has to be absolute trust period for it to even be a possibility of working. She's already lied to you several times breaking that trust and obviously has no concerns with trying to rebuild that trust. If you wait for her stay with her or give her the option of coming back to you then your setting yourself up for more. What you need to do is sit her down flat out tell her I know about all the times you've been with james you know it hurt me and continues to hurt me. I will not let this continue to hurt me anymore. You choose me now and prove what you say or say goodbye because I'm better then this I don't deserve this and by god I'm not going to stand for this. You are by far a dang good man. Specially to even consider her after the stuff she's pulled with you but this is the big thing to remember you can only be hurt by those you allow to hurt you. if you do nothing your letting her know she can keep hurting you and keep getting away with it. If she is serious about you then she needs to knock it off step up to the plate and prove it because from what I've seen in the postings she knows she can get away with it. Stop letting her hurt you and then if she's serious she'll step up.
Try going on a date with a mutual friend or her friend if possible. Don't need to do anything...just talk or pretend flirt. If Sarah reacts with jealousy she still loves you. If she doesn't seem to mind, she is getting detached from you and you should be doing the same. Put her off your mind and concentrate on other things you like to do in Life. Take a holiday if possible to a new place and get the required amount of sleep. If you need to think straight you will have to give your body proper rest. 2 weeks try pushing Sarah off your mind each time she enters it. Keep yourself distracted from her thoughts. If you are heading for a breakup that will only help you. I must say She is acting pretty stupid if she is losing a person like you. May be she is a bit of the kinky type and wants you to control her. Have an open talk with her on that if you wish.