My wife and I have been married for 2 years and together for 4 all together. We were both single parents when we met each having one child. Things seemed great in the beginning and we had talked a few times about having a baby after we got married and settled down. I remember right before the wedding she told me she wanted one right away and that made me feel good. Problems began after we were married as she was then saying she wasn't sure about having a baby then about a year ago she had mentioned she didn't want any more kids because she doesn't have the mother instinct in her, loves her personal time and doesn't want to gain weight. I understand where she's coming from but not sure why she would say that after having a child of her own and it seems she loves kids. She treats my child well and it just bothered me that she would say that after I made it clear to her I wanted just one more child. Overtime communication has gone downhill and it seems we don't do much together as she gets home late with her son most of the day of the week due to sports practice and spending time at her sister or mother's house or running errands. I just feel like I'm losing my connection with her as not sure what to do. I've supported her on various things like when she went back to school and others. I'm not sure if I'm being selfish and should just stick with the marriage even though I will never really be fully happy for the sake of the kids because my child has gotten attached to her. I've been through a divorce in the past and was awarded custody so my child didn't really have a mother figure before. I've tried to let time go by to see if it change my mind but it hasn't. We have lived together almost the entire time we've known each other so I feel as I'm too far to turn back now as I don't want to hurt the kids and we have a house as well. Any serious advice would help.
Lessonslearned, it seems your wife has distanced herself from having anymore children. She's put the shutters down with the subject because the communication has stopped.
In her mind, she's made a decision. You want to put the children first and rightly so, but if you feel that you're losing the connection with her because of her lifestyle, then you really need to sit her down and get the communication flowing again and find out just what's on in her mind. If you've lived together nearly the entire time you've been together, then this shouldn't be a problem.
You're not being selfish when you're being concerned about your relationship because while you have put in and have been supportive, it's needs to flow back to you.
And you need to be completely 100% happy and content, because if you are, your child will be as well.
Ok...I have 2 kids as well and though my husband talked of a third one, I didn't want one too. Its not an easy path being pregnant and then the delivery, post pregnancy issues and managing a demanding baby. I too love kids....but I feel 2 is sufficient as I can support them better in Life both emotionally as well as monetarily. Your wife may be having similar thoughts.
Now as far as your relationship taking the beating, its not solely coz of lack of a baby but lack of quality time management. You both need to sit together and find sometime to bond on a daily basis (may be in the early morns? or put kids to sleep early and spend time together). When interaction increases feelings will return back. Its not easy to manage time together with 2 kids on hand but you need to plan it out properly regularly.
Dear Lesson - why do YOU want another child? All her reasons for NOT wanting another child are reasonable.
It seems you and your wife have lost that loving feeling and you really need to get away for a weekend - WITHOUT the kids and see if you can re-light the fire in your marriage.
I just love kids and unfortunately missed over half of the pregnancy and new born time of my child due to being in the military and want to have that experience with someone I love. My child has made my life better and changed my outlook in life. I come from a child loving family too so those are some of the reasons why i want another baby. I just feel hurt how she can totally change her mind after agreeing to and actually being happy about it at first.
If you love kids then volunteer to coach or mentor some groups of young boys who would love to have a good male figure in their life.
Don't make this a deal breaker for your marriage. You can be a great father to the 2 that you have and volunteer to fill that other need.
You really do need to re-connect with your wife and take this baby thing off the table.
(PS Those kids will be gone some day and it will just be you and her. Make that a good connection with her NOW so you will get through all those days to come)
Tell me something if you want a child is it in your power to force her? No. So if you really want it and you need to change her mind for it then the first step is to rekindle the fire in your marriage. Once you have reached back to the loving caring mode then sit together and discuss this once again with an open mind. Hear her out and try to understand her side as well as present your side.
You also need to understand you can't run after the experiences that you craved for and in the process lose out what you already have! Your kid has got attached to her which means she is taking good care of the family. You both had shared a good connection earlier on which means you both are compatible. She runs errands for her family members which means she has a very caring nature and would surely be reflecting at home in yours and your kid's needs too. Why do you want to lose her? Only coz you want to have one more experience of a baby? You have put that too much inside you which is not healthy. Unlike what is commonly portrayed pregnancy and post delivery is not totally fun time for parents (more tension filled). Do go through posts about pregnancy and post delivery issues. Understand the situation well before deciding whether insisting on an experience is worth losing what you already have. I don't feel you are selfish but I do feel its being silly to get that as a marriage breaker.
Try to bond more with her without getting the baby in between. Then decide whats best for you and your kid.