I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. 1st 18 months he had a married girlfriend. I caught him, and continued to lie, so there was trust broken from day one in our relationship, and that stunk. Then he decided it fun to go to bars on a consistent basis. we never really lived together but stayed at my house at will never paying rent (and I never asked). Last March I had enough, and told him it was the bars or me. He proceeded with the bars and this friend of his who hates me (and I hate him). He then had pictures of numerous women as well as ended up sleeping with one of the girls that his friend knows. Continued that for 4 months while lying to me about it, telling me he loved me and wanted me back and couldn't touch another woman. Now, I know during these 3 years I became impossible, I had had enough! I surely tried to catch him in things and became a woman I wasn't proud of so maybe he just didn't want to be around me. I get that. Now here we are, he stopped with this girl, and wants to make it right. YET he still goes to the bar every night with the same guy that hates me. I'm at the same exact point I was last March, it's him and the bars or me. PERIOD. I feel unfair but can't give him another ounce of myself until it stops. Same bar he was taking pictures at meeting this girl. Same guy that set him up. He says he will only stop if I let him stay with me and that I am being unfair. Am I really? It makes me sick when he is there and he knows it. When I do let him stay and then take my son to a game (for example) I get a text that hes going to meet his buddy (AT THAT SAME BAR) just for a bit. So, I have no reason to believe that it will EVER stop. He says he refused to sit at home alone. Ive never asked that of him. He golfs, plays gin, and has SEVERAL respectable friends in his life other than this one. Am I being unfair to ask him to be gone before I have him back?? He says I'm an idiot and unable to grasp such a simple concept and that it is called compromise??? I tell him I begged for compromise for years. He says, sorry, we don't talk about the past.
All and all, my gut says this guy just isn't worth any more effort. Ugh, but he really is starting to convince me that I'm absolutely off my rocker!!!! Help
Wow - there are SO many signs that this fella is NOT a good partner. What prevents you from seeing them?
He sounds like a philanderer, an alcoholic, liar, moocher, user, thinks women are stupid, unable to commit, manipulator, and puts his bar buddies ahead of his woman and child.
Steph, it's amazing how someone can have a hold over someone else to manipulate and control to their whim.
You haven't been in a relationship at all, you've been on a merry go round of deceit.
You need someone who respects you as a person first and foremost. Then, you need to be with someone who mirrors your standards and values....someone who treats you the way you deserve.
This guy never was worth the effort of 4 years. He's one of these people who wants their cake and wants to eat it as well.
Steph, be true to yourself and forget about being fair to him, instead, be fair to yourself and your son and walk away from this miserable and poisonous environment.
Listen to your gut, because it's usually right.