Lost the 3 most important people in my life
Before I left for Uni in another town, I had some friends back here who were alright. When I was at Uni however, I had a group of friends there who I really connected to and liked a lot more. My friends back home kinda treat me like I'm 'dumb' so I don't speak as much around them or tell them my opinions on music/films etc because they normally insult me. I have became very quiet and withdrawn around them, but with my Uni friends I was always outgoing and relaxed. However, I had one friend back home who is my oldest and best, and she likes me for who I am, so I really love her.
When I came back from Uni at Christmas and summer, I tried to get in touch with my old friends but they didn't want to know. They completely ignored me but kept going out every few days together. My one true friend was always there though, we even stayed in touch while I was at Uni (the rest of them ignored my texts/emails) so I didn't even mind that the others weren't my friends any more.
I finished Uni and moved back to my home town, and it was the same deal; the others didn't want to know me. My best friend did though, we went out every week at least once, and she made me really happy. Another person who made me happy is my brother, he's younger than me by a couple years, but he's so chilled out always encouraging me, he's so funny and he made me appreciate my life. Soon I got a bar job, and there was this guy working there who was lovely to me. He always made the effort to talk to me even though I was so shy, eventually I could speak to him and have real conversations, he helped me out with everything and seemed to really like me. I didn't care if he would ever be my boyfriend or whatever, I was just happy he was in my life.
In less than a couple of weeks, I've lost all 3 of them. My best friend has moved up north, really far away, to be with her boyfriend. My brother has moved to Wales with his girlfriend (also really far away) I won't see him for a long time. And I went to work yesterday to find out the guy I liked has quit and found a new job elsewhere.
I am so wounded, I have nobody now, and it's so upsetting. I've been trying to get a new job so I can meet people, had about 100 interviews this past year literally, but I just get nervous and there's always about 700 people applying to the same job. I have no where to make friends as I live in a rough town and can't go out by myself, and now i have nobody to go with.
It's like my world has fallen apart, I literally have no one and my heart is hurting like crazy. I don't know how I can work at the bar knowing he isn't there any more. I feel so alone. I was so happy and everything has suddenly gone grey and meaningless. I used to draw every day, but I can't draw now I'm sad. I know that's weird but, it's something I enjoyed and I can't even do that any more.
Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't go home again." That means that once you have gone away and expereinced life, the "old hometown and the people there" just aren't the same. It was wrong for you to assume that everyone would be/feel the same about you.
You are different now, more mature.
How old are you, Uni?
I envy your opportunities - college grad, free, able to travel, etc.
I hope you see the bring side of all this - God is telling you to move on - don't look back - for your happiness.
I totally understand THAT feeling. Same thing happened with me.....whenever i became comfortable and close with someone, they moved somewhere far away. Best thing is to find your passion....do what you love the most.....pursue ur dreamz.....travel a lot....u will meet many new people and learn many new things abt life.....especially if u r an introvert like me, this is what i did..
A lot of people have had the same or very similar experiences as sad a thing as it is. The same sort of experience has happened to me in the past and i feel empathy for you, people that havent been in this situation just wouldnt understand. so what about your uni friends now? could you maybe speak to them? are they still close to you? I understand that your brother and close friend no longer live close to you but that doesnt mean that they cant be there for you. Have you tried opening up to them about how you feel? im sure they would be happy to talk to you. Im sorry that you have been having a hard time trying to find work, what did you graduate in? sometimes if you know where to look there can be some very good graduate opportunities out there and getting a new job can really help you make new friends and meet new people. I know that you're probably in a rough place right now but i dont think you should give up on your passions like your drawing, keep expressing youself, dont lose your identity because theres only one you and only you can express yourself. Im sure that if you really look and call out there will be someone that can be there for you, maybe even a chat with your parents will help brighten your day. If you feel like you just want to let out what else is on your mind then post back here, id be glad to message you back and im sure others can offer some more advice as well.