on Mar 2 2014 at 12:30
I have had a crush on an older work colleague for over a year now. However I am in a long term relationship as is he (he also has a family) so nothing can come of these feelings. Recently we went on a works trip together and I told him how I felt. He admitted to also having feelings for me and having been tempted but that he can't act on these because of his responsibilities. We agreed we would try to distance ourselves from each other. Anyway, a few days later one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together as a no strings kind of thing. Since then everything has been completely normal between us like nothing happened. Apart from the fact I now don't know how to play it. Do I continue as before, avoid him or try and discuss what we've done with him?! Advice needed as I know what I've done is wrong and I'm in the process of ending things with my partner but can't stop mulling over the work guy.
on Mar 2 2014 at 18:01
Well first of all, you need to think about how you are going to tell your partner you cheated on him. Which yes, you MUST do, because you have been unfaithful. Are you going to say you have feelings for someone else, so you cannot continue your relationship? Or are you going to beg forgiveness and swear never to talk to your 'crush' again? Your crush cannot be with you, and is a despicable human being for cheating on his partner and his family. You will be equally as despicable if you try to make things work with him, and a home wrecker, if you had a decent bone in your body then the guilt would destroy you. You will not be able to have a relationship with this person, you need to understand that, and get another job if need be. First of all though you must tell your partner what you have done.
on Mar 2 2014 at 18:11
Thank you for the reply. I will be speaking to my partner, but don't think I will tell him exactly what happened. He will be crushed and there's no need for that to happen. I'm just going to tell him I have feelings for someone else and that I don't think I can get the feelings back for him. The 'spark' has just gone.
I can't change jobs yet, I am relatively new and have some excellent promotion opportunities so not willing to jeopardise this.
I understand your thoughts about what I did and I know there is no future for me and the colleague, but I do need to know how to get over him and go on from here.
I don't think he's a terrible person, he caved in to temptation. That's all.
on Mar 2 2014 at 19:49
Lucy - there are two issue here: one is your feelings toward your BF. It sounds like you want to break up with him. Just be sure that it is NOT because you think you are going to become involved with a married man.
Issue number 2: Your involvement with a married man with a family is a losing battle. He got what he wanted and now can act like nothing even happened between you two. Can you see that you were used (and probably are not the first one at the office to have an affair with him).
You have some deep thinking to do and need some time to grow as a woman. Get another job if this relationship affects your work and your emotions.
on Mar 2 2014 at 21:25
To SUSIEDQ thanks for the contribution. I agree wholeheartedly that there are 2 separate issues. My relationship problems and again I am a bit worried issues there are being amplified by the thoughts of another. And then issues I have getting over the work colleague.
I know you think he used me but trust me it was very mutual. I went into it with my eyes open and knew it was a no strings attached fling. He was also in thr wrong as he has a family but I can't say he used me.
Only thing now is how I get over him and move on. Does anyone believe I should have a serious conversation with him about this? After the sex we have only chatted casually about entirely unrelated topics. Not actually spoken of what we did.
Again thank you to those reading and responding.
on Mar 3 2014 at 01:05
Of course you should have a conversation with you. But don't bet on it. He would have said something to you about it, yet he stays silent, almost as if it didn't even happen.
I wish you closure on this. But I doubt you will get it.
on Mar 3 2014 at 18:30
I too have said nothing though so he may be worried about bringing it up as to him I seem as though I'm not bothered.
Should I approach him or wait to see if he wishes to discuss it?