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I'm Desperate

Posted by
on Mar 3 2014 at 21:05
Member since: 03 March 2014
Other advice I have a few issues that I need help with. First of all my financial problems. I am currently insolvent and have a trust deed that I am on a six month break from but that ends soon and I am lost. I have no employment, I am trapped in a country I don't want to be in but cannot return home because I have no where to go to any more. It is an impossible situation. I can't get a rental property because my credit rating is now ruined, I don't have work in my country of birth and I won't be able to get employment without a place to live. I get very little from the country I am in and don't know what to do. There is no work here at all. I have tried and done temporary jobs in the hope they will keep me on but it's not happening for me and it has now been a year. It wasn't always like this. 18 months ago I was in a well paid job, my fiancee was pregnant with our first child and we had plans for our future together. She wanted to return to her country to have the baby and I agreed so quit my job because I stupidly believed I'd find work within a 3 month period which I had saved for. My second problem is to do with our relationship, since my fiancee found out she was pregnant she hasn't had sex with me. During the pregnancy she would say it was to do with being afraid of hurting the baby. Which I could deal with but since the birth her new excuse is that she is afraid she will fall pregnant again [I have condoms], that she is afraid it might hurt, that she just doesn't want to. I don't know what to do. Our baby is now 10 months old and I haven't had sex in over a year and a half. I can't masturbate any more, it makes me feel sick and I don't want to cheat on her. The biggest problem is that when I try to talk about it, she is not interested and doesn't see a problem but I am going crazy. I know that if I pressure her into it then it'll just be awful. It won't feel good knowing that I've pushed her into doing it but I cannot hold it in any more. I want to explode and physically hurt people and I don't mean my fiancee or child, I mean people on the street who have nothing to do with me. Finally, this is all making me feel hopeless. I have never felt like this before but I want to just close my eyes and never wake up. Everything has fallen apart and I don't know how to fix any of it. Help.
I'm desperate
Reply from
on Mar 3 2014 at 23:21
Member since: 27 December 2013
Oh dear, you are in a rough place. Do you have any elder you could talk to about your financial problems? You may have to move to find work.

re: your wife and her lack of sexual acivity with you. This is not normal for a young couple, and needs to be addressed asap. Insist that she go to a doctor to discuss this. If it is something physical, then medical attention is needed.

If she is avoiding you psychiologically, then that is a different issue. She may have post-partum condition. The medical Dr. can help with that.

I hope that you can relax more and see the opportunities that are in the world for you. There is no reason to get angry at innocent people who also have worries. You must find someone to talk to about all these issues.

peace be with you.


I'm desperate
Reply from
on Mar 4 2014 at 06:22
Member since: 24 April 2014
How about some relative some friend in your country who can help you stay till you try for a job?

As for your fiancee issue, it is normal for women to feel that way during pregnancy and post pregnancy. Give her a few months more and she should be back to herself. You see a baby is very demanding in the first year and takes up most of your energy. As for addressing her fear, may be see a doc and a reassuarance from a doc might help her?

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?