Its been 2 months since no contact
So i believe there is some hope between my ex girlfriend who broke up with me because she was unhappy. Reason why she broke up with me was because she felt like things got repetitive and she did not like the fact that she would always chose the places to eat. Also, the breakup took place during finals week and her grandfather unfortunately was ill at the time. We both go to school, she goes to a UC and myself a community college getting ready to transfer next semester to a State school which is pretty close to her school. I met her at work and we made good friends for about two months. Our relationship lasted a year and two months
I believe there is still hope because she still has pictures of us on a social media. Overall i think we were both happy but myself i noticed that i started to become maybe to clingy and maybe a little boring and some jealously in between, and i could see why maybe she got bored of things.
When she broke up with me it was over the phone, and she explained why. It was by far the worse feeling of my life. I called her 3 days later to meet up which was pretty much a closure on christmas. We were in her car, I gave her a necklace for christmas but i didn't receive anything in return. It didn't matter at the time because all i wanted was her back. Things were going good, and she even let me put the necklace on her. There was a lot of awkward silence and she looked aggravated. The closure escalated because she had told me she had felt unhappy and that she "tried". She had told her best friend but not me. I wish she would had told me so that it would've given me the chance to change something. i got mad because i felt like she lied to me, but she apologized. Towards the end she had to go but i told her to wait a little bit but she began screaming to get out of her car.
That night i sent her a message of thanking her for taking her time for apologizing and sorry myself for making her feel that way and that i loved her and that i wanted her to be happy, and that i wished the best for her and her family. The next day she replied very short in response with sorry and its alright and to have fun on my trip since i was leaving the country for a vacation.
Before i took off for vacation the next night, i was surprised by her because she called me saying to have a safe flight and i offered to bring her favorite candy. I was so confused after the call. My mind was and is still unsettled about this.
Anyways, once i got back in January for school, i text her saying that i missed her and i tried calling her once that month but she has ignored it. I noticed she deleted some pictures but there are still some of us which gives me hope and the idea that she needs time. From the time i was on vacation, she had a company party and she updated a picture. It did hurt me because it made me feel like she moved on like nothing happened. As of now she keeps her twitter updated periodically with things like life is too short to be unhappy etc. She seems unhappy but who am i to say.
I haven't initiated contact because i'm afraid she will get annoyed and it will push her away and eventually block my number. The last thing i did for her was in february on valentines day, i bought her a rose and i left it at her door step along with the candy i said i would bring her.. I was expecting a thank you or something but nothing, she seems very cold hearted, but i still care about her. I can understand she's very busy with school and i should be focusing too but its so hard when you have these thoughts in your head.
Anyways, my plan was on writing her a letter about how the no contact has made me realize that in a way i took her for granted and maybe telling her something i miss about here in a humorous way.
I've been trying to look at this NC in a positive way, like a lesson learned. I know i could've done better but its too late now. However its still affecting me mentally and its making me sleep deprived.
What are your guys thoughts? Advice/suggestions? Sorry i tried to keep it to a minimum.
Urgh! I can only imagine how you are feeling. I would message her or call her one last time. Leave a message and ask if there is ever a chance for you guys again. If she says no then that is your final answer. If she says yes then ask when and try for the last time! If she says she doesn't know then you should give her a bit more time.( maybe a month) then move on if you don't get back together. She sounds confused for sure! Good luck!
Can you share with us the "lesson" you learned?
I see you describe yourself as "clingy, boring and jealous" in your post.
Well the fact that she "tried" made me realize as soon as she was gone that i stopped trying and she didn't. I believe she made more effort in the relationship than i did. On our one year anniversary i was going to surprise her at her apartment close to where she goes to school but we decided to just meet the next day and have dinner. Now i have regrets. So thats what i take as a lesson learned.
I become clingy in ways where i would call her everyday but i never saw nothing wrong with that. There were times when we would hang out at home and we would just watch tv and it felt little boring.
Lastly, in terms of the jealously, i became insecure because i was afraid of losing her. I didn't mentioned that i snooped through phone calls and noticed that she had a phone call from some guy but i assumed it was a friend of hers. I should've confronted her about it but i didn't. Also one of her supervisors added her on picture app and i questioned her about it because i remember her telling me that he was trying to add her but i didn't know what to say since it was her business and she should be able to handle that herself.
Also, back to seeing myself as a boring person. I didn't throw a birthday party for my big 21, all i had was a small dinner with my family, cousins, and her. I wish i could go back and throw a party and invite all her friends because she had one for herself and thats one of the things that has made me realize to live up my life and not be boring.
I don't see anything really exaggerated about your actions. You just have a personality that is more low-key than what she wants.
Try to find a lady who appreciates you and how you are.
But first, find out what temperament you are and who would be a good match. (Some girls would enjoy picking out the restaurant all the time)
(Suggest you read "Personality Plus")
From what she indicates, my guess is, sadly its over. Move on, keep yourself busy with any hobby you like...just try to stop yourself from thinking and brooding over her.
(If she is meant to be with you, she will come to you herself.)
SOCONFUSED902, yes its very difficult for me to cope with. I spend my weekends just daydreaming about her and wondering what she's up to. Its not healthy but luckily i have work on the weekends as a distraction and i try to spend most of my time at school and the library on the weekdays. Should i give her another month and then call her? Would that be better, because the breakup is somewhat fresh and i don't want to sound desperate?
SUSIEDQ, Hi, thanks again and i just picked up the book, thanks for the recommendation. I think i'll try to focus on myself more as of now. Looking for someone else is not helping because i feel like i compare some girls i talk to in school to my ex girlfriend. Its no bueno.
SHIVANGI, thanks for your reply, i'm trying to stay positive. Really gave me some confidence so time will tell because i don't want to force her.
Anyone have any thought or suggestions? I would like her back of course? Will time only tell?
See if you want her you'll have to change yourself. There is nothing wrong with you but if you have to suit her you will require to change a bit. You will have to do a lot of background work like if you are planning to meet think of a surprise for her occasionally (could be a gift, could be in actions). Do your homework before choosing a place to eat (like asking friends for new fun places to hang around, check on net etc.). Be more confident and outgoing (girls are instantly attracted to confident guys).
Meet her, don't put the relationship dagger on her right now....tell her just would like to catch up with you. Keep it fun, surprising and light. Then after a while plan another one...etc. and see how it all goes!