I recently found out that my wife is cheating on me. But it's not as straight forward as confronting her and ending it. We have a young child 18 months old who has just been diagnosed with leukaemia. My wife and I also work together and the guy she's cheating with also works there. I am stuck on what to do. For the sake of my child and to be strong for her at this time and not cause any friction that might harm her recovery do I say anything and end it or carry on for the sake of my child
I am probably not the best person to be giving advice right now but I could kind of relate to your post. My fiancé and I have a 6 year old who was dx with Crohn's disease at 3. The weight of her health and our relationship issues played a huge toll on me and I went outside our relationship. He decided he wanted to continue our relationship and now the tables have turned. He decided a few weeks ago that he wasn't sure if he wanted this. Then I just found out that he has been texting some woman from work till all hours of the night. I felt like he was emotionally cheating and it turned out I was right. I even found naked pics in his phone. Still he decided he wanted to work on things. Supposedly ended his "friendship" and we have picked up where we left off. I am so damaged from this situation though and all I want to do is try to work on things and try to be the perfect woman he would want. I truly believe that it is our responsibility as parents to show our children what relationships should be and not giving up is one of those things. Unfortunately it hasn't gotten me very far... So I guess this isn't really advice, just could relate a little. I feel like I need him to be my back bone when I have to be strong for our daughter. I don't think I could do it w out him.
It's hurting me to know she has cheated but if i bring it up and end it. It will turn our lives upside down and that will not help our daughter in her recovery. She only been diagnosed 2 weeks ago with leukaemia we got at least 2 years of recovery a head of us. If we spilt it's gonna be even harder for her. But I also think am not the guy here my wife is so it's down to her. But can I do this to my little girl
My sister had a child who was diagnosed with cancer as a baby when her partner left, and it was a huge toll on everyone, especially my sister and her child. I dont think you should let that same thing happen to your child, but I also think a loveless marriage is alot worse for the child. You should confront your wife and if she decides to seperate with you, just make sure to be there for your child. Good luck and I hope your child gets well soon
Wolfy, there's heaps of married couples out there who stay together in a loveless environment, sometimes for years, for the sake of their healthy kids.
Children are a powerful motivator and in this case, your child needs all the more support she can get from both you and your wife.
By all means confront your wife, but you also need to understand that there are things which happen in life which either draws couples together closer or completely breaks them apart.
I know of a couple whose marriage was in trouble when their 3 year old daughter had leukemia and also had 2 years recovery. They split after her recovery. They stated they would be there for her although they had both fallen out of love with each other prior without realizing it at the time. Their daughters emergency bought them closer together than they had been for years past, but afterwards, it separated them for good.
Your wife's infidelity has already broken the marriage you knew but your daughter's diagnosis and consequent recovery period should keep you 'together', regardless if your marriage has ended because your post is basically about your daughter. Your daughter will be your priority regardless of what your wife has done.
Even after/if you confront your wife, she will be there for her child just as you will be. Whether you both do it as 'unit' or as a individuals is entirely up to you.
By all means do speak to her! You can't stay in the marriage without sorting out such an issue. It will keep affecting you day in and day out!
If your wife has cheated, she must have felt the lack of something in your marriage together. If you both intend to stay together you both as a team will have to work on those issues.
If however you guys chose to separate, you both can still be there for your child. Moreover your child is too young to understand the actual reality of separation. So as far as the child gets time from both parents she should be ok.
You can be "there" for your child without being a husband to a cheating wife.
But try to work this out. Your wife is under stress and sought comfort outside the marriage. That should tell you something.
Just be sure to arrange being physically close to the child and spend quality time with her.
So what's the best of way of bringing it up?
I hate cheaters. I have no tolerance for a cheater. However, I do feel as if you are in a situation that the best thing you can do is to work it out for your precious child. Your little girl needs you. Look beyond what your wife has done and try to stay for your child's sake. Like you said, your daughter needs you both and the two of you staying together will help. HOWEVER, if you two started arguing a lot, it may be best to part ways. But if the two of you can get along, by any means at all, I would stay. Once your little girl is better, you can decide how to handle what your wife has done. I think it will hurt to stay with her, but in the long run, I think you'll look back and be glad you did. Well wishes and prayers for your little girl...hope things work out with you and your wife.
I know your baby is the most important person in all this and what your doing is so right she has to come first . You need to sit and think do you still love your wife and can you forgive her if you do ... Some people don't believe in staying with some one for children but no one is leading your life only you ... If you want to stay with her for your little girl then you are a very good man. But you need to tell your wife you know she's cheating give her the chance to explain :/ but tell her that the balls in your court and u can put it aside until ur child is better and you both focus on ur daughter... And bring it back up if needed when the times right.. Hope your little girl is ok having a sick daughter is life changing and very hard on a relationship
There is no best way to go about it. Confront her with some proof in your hand. Tell her I wish to talk to you something serious. Show her the proof and ask her to explain herself. Listen to her and both of you talk yourselves out. Then decide how to go about it. The process will take some days to talk out. There will be surge of emotions but will settle on the outside after few days. Inside turbulences will be there...meaning some days ok....some days angry, sad etc. If you both decide to be together, things will ultimately settle but will take lots of time. Talk and decide how to go about it.