Whom to choose, parents or love
I was in a relationship with a guy for around 3 years. We loved each other. We decided to get married. My parents refused. We didn’t lose our heart and started convincing our parents. His parents got ready and accepted me but not mine. My parents started searching alliances for me. They show me couple of guys whom I refused.
Other side, the behaviour of my boyfriend got bad to worse for me. He started abusing me on silly matters like not picking phn, talking to somebody, comments on my dresses and posting any stuff on fb. He became so possessive and dangerous. He used to slap me and tortured me physically as well as mentally. I was bearing as I was in love with him madly and thought that my parents are not ready for him that’s why he is behaving like this.
One day, it was out of control. We had a huge fight on an issue that I joined gym. It was now enough for me and decided to leave him. MY parents fixed my marriage and I accepted the guy.
My boyfriend came to know about this. He didn’t say me anything and tell if things go wrong with this guy I can come with him. His behaviour got changed. His possession, anger, misbehaves got vanished. He started caring and loving me. On the other hand the guy to which I will be getting married also started loving me. He is so genuine guy. But, I still love my boyfriend.
One day my parents and the parents of new guy had an argument. I thought that things will go wrong and marriage will be broken. I turned toward my boyfriend. He supported me and cared me. I started loving him more. After that the arguments of my parents and the parents of the new guy got settled and then my parents started forcing me to get married to the new guy.
Please help me what to do?
I don't want to go against to my parents. I don't want to leave my boy friend. I also don't want to hurt my would be in laws.
I am feared that what would happen if my in laws become rude, what will happen if the guy would not love me as my boy friend do. Will I be happy with the new guy or Miss my boy friend.
I am in great confusion. Please help me immediately. I couldn't bear this mess.
This is a no-win situation.
You are confined by cultural traditions and it seems it does not matter how YOU feel at all.
You can refuse to marry this guy, I suppose. It's really unfair to be forced into a loveless marriage.
But I am not sure your first BF is worthy of your love. He seems to have another personality and it WILL come back. That seems to be in his character.
thanks for posting my friend.
If there is a no win situation then what to do? I want to get married as soon as possible as I am 28 years of age. I want to have family of my own now.
Please tell where should I go? Whom to choose, I person who love me but have different personality of possessive lover or should i marry the new person. Another guy also started loving me but the intensity was not as same as my boy friend do. sometimes i miss my boy friend so badly. I know that the new guy is genuine. His parents also love me. they are open minded peoples. But the thing is, I am madly in love with my boy friend.
You said you wanted to start a family soon. Who would be the most capable father to your children? If you are going to be a mother soon, you'll often be putting your children's needs before your own desires.
What type of life do you want your children to lead and with what values. Throw caution to the wind and follow your heart no matter what, don't give up - or patient stability and longevity. Personally, the physical aspect of the former seems like a red flag.
Just keep in mind that what you want may change with time, who do you see yourself growing old with on the porch holding hands when the passion and energy wanes?
By all means do not marry your boyfriend. He is an abuser. People who have abusive tendencies have it embedded inside them and will not go off. They can act for a while but it always comes out.
When your parents weren't agreeing to your marriage what should your boyfriend have done? Supported you, done things for you such that you get your parents approval? Instead what did he do? Show possesiveness? Slap you? Restrict you in everything you do? Will you be happy in such a marriage? Tomorrow after marriage he will restrict the dresses you can wear, you won't be allowed to go to functions coz guys might look you up, you won't be allowed to interact on net as other guys might show you attention, he might get physical when you both argue. You will slowly find you are confined to the 4 walls of your home. No social contacts, no friends you are allowed to keep in touch with etc. Is that your dream marriage? And what about when you have kids? Do you want them to grow in such an environment? (I have such a friend who is suffering in such a marriage).
Not saying you marry this other guy, thats your call to take. Love doesn't develop overnight....it takes time to get to know and develop. May be you could ask your parents a bit more time to know this new guy.
I am going blind for the sake of love and I am not considering rest of the things.
I hope I would come out from this situation soon.
I am full of love and respect. So, I should give it to the right person.