Help quick please

Posted by
NIKKI91
on Mar 11 2014 at 17:44
Member since: 10 March 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Someone please give me some advice. This is my second post in the last couple of days... The past few days my boyfriend has been saying he loves me more than ever but I swear he just tries to start arguments with me? I don't know what to do. It is emotionally and mentally draining arguing so much. I fear that if I break up I will miss him later, but I cant take it anymore. Will be seeing him later...what advice can you give me?
Reply from
ARROW123
on Mar 11 2014 at 18:12
Member since: 18 September 2013
The better question is: what advice do you want?

Maybe he has his reasons for arguing. Sometimes if you are too busy, and start to drift from your partner, the love you felt from the start will feel like it was not reciprocated and it will turn into bitterness and anger.

Think about that for a second.

Instead of blaming, ask yourself, "why"?

Dominos keep falling because of an unresolved reason.

Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Mar 11 2014 at 19:04
Member since: 24 February 2014
Your relationship is under strain and I am sensing fear from you, this guy does he have some kind of power over you?

The options I would give you for later are:

1. Stop fighting!!!!! things will cool off when you stop escalating it.

2. When you see him later you could just spend sometime doing something fun. (sometimes we need to break the tension).

3.Or a better idea would be to take some time apart from each other.

Nothing can be sorted when you are drained mentally feelings can be emotionally charged and it can lead to more exhaustion.

Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Mar 11 2014 at 19:10
Member since: 24 February 2014
In other words you are in a state right now so I would cancel the date. You need to let go and stop allowing this to get you down.

You are better than that ...

Reply from
LISALUV
on Mar 12 2014 at 03:22
Member since: 12 March 2014
Hey, great question that you are seeking advice for. I guess I am like your partner. I tend to be the one that "starts the argument". Now to help clear the air, your partner is possibly going through some emotional issues and need you to be more understanding to what he is saying. Does it always start off as an argument? How do you feel when he comes off that way? And when he approaches you, do you actually try to understand where he is coming from or do you just think of the quickest come back without out acknowledging what he was trying to explain in the first place? Other questions to consider, DO you have a somewhat snobby attitude when he tries to talk to you or perhaps even the cold shoulder? I can understand how all these arguments can eventually become mentally and physically draining... but are you truly trying to understand rather than just "prove a pointless point"? Next time it comes up, listen more, try to understand more and you just might see a complete difference in the outcome of your conversation/argument.
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Mar 12 2014 at 04:11
Member since: 27 December 2013
OMG - WHY would anyone stay in a relationship that takes so much energy?
Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Mar 12 2014 at 11:11
Member since: 24 February 2014
Relationships can be so so hard. It does not matter what age you are they can be hard going.

That is why he is starting arguments. That is a sign to the world that he is stressed.

You writing a post on here is showing the world that you are stressed.

I am going to give you the best advice, and this is it, focus on you. Focus on getting yourself to a happier place on your own.

Maybe that is what he needs also.

All I know is that when you are dealing with conflict , you have got to be a strong pillar, for you, and let all the negative energy coming at you bounce right back to its owner.

Right how do you do that?

Let it all go, see deeper into your fella, instead of preparing for battle. Be compassionate to yourself because what I am sensing (correct me if I am wrong) from you is that you are not feeling loved right now, and that he is not seeing you and your pain and hurt. ?

Part of being in a relationship is learning how to trust , him and most importantly trust in you.

I am not hearing trust from you. I am hearing fear!!!

You described what is feels like in this relationship currently as 'drained,mentally and emotionally' . Now that tells me it is time to stop!!!!!!!! What ever you are doing now is not working for you.

Sometimes in a relationship that is intense sometimes, it can be quiet common to loose oneself and ones identity , while in it. When that happens it can be unhealthy indeed.

Sure at the beginning the 'oneness' wholeness we feel is present and it is the bonding and early stages of love. It it cannot stay there forever. (I know bummer right !!!).

We loose it, and that can be sad, both of you change and both have to move with it. If one is pulling against the other we have conflict.

That is that part of relationships where you really get to grow, as a person and as a couple. If you are not growing got to step back in order to see clearly.

That is where trust, and love, are in those spaces , where you let go, and allow them and yourself some space to love and trust YOU, that you can handle this hurdle , this rock in the road.

Walk away from the storm...... find something you enjoy and let go of all that pain , and make room for laughter, love and trust.

It sometimes is the toughest thing in the world to put yourself first, I promise you if you give positive out you get it back, as sure as if you give negative out you get negative back.

You seem uncertain and that is not a nice place, there is one thing in life that is certain ... and that is how you CHOOSE to think and respond to events and people in your life.

You control you .... never depend entirely on someone else to make you happy , or to take pain away, they will carry you so far, but you have got to be there for you too, they will need a rest..... and you got to be strong when they need you to carry them.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?