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This really bothers me.. but should it?

Posted by
DONTKNOWHATTODO
on Mar 15 2014 at 12:23
Member since: 15 March 2014
S-e-x advice I just started dating a girl 2 months ago who is 5 years older than me. I have this unnerving, uncontrollable feeling that she used to sleep around a lot more than she's letting on. I haven't slept with very many girls and I can't stop thinking about how many guys she could've been with before me. I don't think she would cheat but should this even bother me??

This really bothers me.. but should it?

Reply from
CJLOPEZ
on Mar 15 2014 at 12:39
Member since: 07 March 2014
I don't think you should let that bother you. Its in the past and it was before she met you.

This really bothers me.. but should it?

Reply from
SHIVANGI
on Mar 15 2014 at 12:39
Member since: 24 April 2014
I think you are getting possessive about her. If you like her and want to be with her, I don't think her past should bother you. What matters is the present and the future. Stop thinking of her past and focus on your present together. If you don't, this itself will come between you both.

This really bothers me.. but should it?

Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Mar 15 2014 at 14:10
Member since: 24 February 2014
Hey stop thinking like that, just be yourself and take it easy.

That is the past, you cannot change it right?

You are creating these thoughts in your head and they are not accurate, couldn't possibly be.

I think you should buried it . It is not going to help to continue thinking like this , or asking her about it either.

You are insecure about something, that you have not admitted yet, and you are projecting it onto her past. What is it in you that is struggling to get past this?

You need to be comfortable in this relationship and be able to enjoy it, in the moment . Focus on you and what do you need to find that place?

I think you are comparing yourself to guys that she was intimate with before. it is common to do that but it is not helpful, it is preventing you being happy.

Now these men are in the past for a reason , you are the one with her now. It is not a competition.

I would take thing slow with this lady .

This really bothers me.. but should it?

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Mar 15 2014 at 16:32
Member since: 27 December 2013
This is not an uncommon feeling. You just have let it grow into something that could ruin the relationship.

You need to ask yourself if this kind of thinking makes it better for you two, or worse.

Replace that negative, self pity thinking with a count of your blessings.

This really bothers me.. but should it?

Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Mar 15 2014 at 17:27
Member since: 24 February 2014
The one thing that nothing and nobody can take away from you is your attitude.

Basic logic: following from the past posts and building upon....

Negative thinking (like the voice in you that says.... i am inadequate) . I do not measure up....that is what I am hearing , you sound overwhelmed, I do think it is the age difference ?? I am not sure but I am guessing you are quiet young, at my age 5 years is nothing between two people.

Is this relationship moving too fast?

Is it moving to a place you are not ready for?

What is/was the trigger that made you feel this uncertainty?

Now this is hard : but.....

I think you need to look within yourself, ask yourself what if it was her writing , her words in black and white about you.... and her judgement of your past encounters?

I am afraid to tell you that feelings, good bad, they will arise that whole way through life, and will be heightened in relationship with people, especially the intimate.

Accept yourself and please accept her, you took a positive step writing it here I think you are on some level protecting your relationship from this part of you.

Leave it behind, it is a negative..... Wipe off the shoulders, it is a mental obstacle, take a deep breath and enjoy getting to know this girl.

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