Is he or isn't he?
I've met a guy via an online dating portal (we are both in our 40's). I am totally smitten and dare I say it, in love with this guy. I believe he too likes me a lot - but therein lies the problem. He never actually tells me his feelings for me. He has always said that he wants to take things slowly as he has come out of a 3 year relationship and this is the first time he's been "single" in years after having been married before this latest relationship. Anyway, when I mentioned about coming off of the dating site, he said it was still early days for us, he's happy with what we have and just wants to see where it goes. This is destroying me. I also feel that I'm doing all the running - i.e. texting him to ask how his day is going, to say goodnight, etc. etc. He said he's not into texting and I totally respect that, but it doesn't take a second to respond to something I have sent, which would really make my day. I am typing this at 12:30 lunchtime - I saw him yesterday (albeit with loads of other people, which I wasn't expecting) for a few hours and text him at about 5pm yesterday to thank him for the lovely afternoon - and I still haven't heard from him. Am I being too clingy? Can anyone give me some advise because it's really upsetting me and I just want to text/call him to ask why he hasn't bothered to contact me today to even ask if I got home OK yesterday! Am I expecting too much? Help!
I can understand how you are feeling.
However he is has been upfront with you, regarding his situation , he does not want anything heavy.... not ready wants to enjoy his single life. Now he is entitled to how he lives his life and how he wants to proceed in doing that.
It is too fast for him. Yes you are expecting too much..... (from him specifically).
Now anyone will tell you that you want or need to have someone more attentive.
There are many reasons why he is not conforming.
1. He is newly single..... the last thing he wants is something serious and demands made on him.....
2. This is a new and exciting time for him, and everything is new, he will be finding his feet and seems to be figuring things out for himself, because he is adjusting to single life.
3. He is not taking his profile down, for many reasons he does not want to make a commitment to anybody. It also means that he is leaving himself open to meeting new people , he could be serial dating.
You are simply in different places ..... and you are going to get hurt if you do not change your thinking around this.
He is not ready to commit to anybody right now . Can you just relax and enjoy getting to know him at a slow pace? Possible date others too , and not put all your eggs in the one basket with him .... all the while knowing he is not ready for anything serious.
By you doing this you may build your own confidence and enjoy meeting new people. If it is a serious relationship you want you have to look further a field.
Also you may make a new friend in him....
Thanks for that Mountain. Your words make total sense - but I'm finding it hard to deal with it all. He has even introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends/some of his family so, in a way if he's really not ready for all of this, he is kind of leading me a little astray with his actions. He has also said that he's not into serial dating and doesn't wish to date anyone else - just me. It's all very confusing - I'm beginning to think that its easier for me to end it because it's just upsetting me and yes, it will be me who gets hurt in the end.
Are there children from this past relationship?
Guys are NOT into texting as much as gals. Step back and let him call/text you.
Make yourself a little of a mystery. You are being too smothering, IMHO.
Thank you Susiedq! He has two children from his marriage, but none with the recent relationship. I too, have two young children so understand the pressures of having them and trying to date, and the restrictions it brings with it - albeit, more so for a woman than a man. I haven't text him today, though I have been tempted, and will see how the day pans out. Guess I'll let him do some of the chasing as such. It really is hard though, when you like someone so much!