Confused, please respond
I am a 21 year old girl. I have had a boyfriend for 2.5 years who adores me and I unfortunately sometimes take it for granted. Of course he is not the perfect guy but our personalities blend well. Things are now boring/predictable. I have been wanting to move on and become single but it is easier said than done because he is overly attached and we are comfortable. About a year ago, we decided to take a break (my choice) which did not go over well with him. He become sick and obsessive (I harbor a lot of guilt from this still), while I felt free and a little out of control but still happy. I met a guy who I instantly connected with (and what I was hoping was just lust) who is totally opposite of my boyfriend. He is outgoing and loud and very handsome. I would say that I am more attractive than my boyfriend but equally as attractive as the new guy. Well, the new guy for money reasons had to move back to his hometown which is 4 hours away from where I live. Although we both knew it would be hard, we decided to say goodbye because we did not want to endure a long-term relationship. Now a year later, this guy still continues to contact me about how much he misses me and wants to see me. I feel guilty that I want to see him too but I know he is just going to break my heart because I can not see us being together anytime in the next few years. I need to know how to learn to better appreciate my boyfriend and how I can stop missing the other guy. I truly do want things to work out with my boyfriend but it is hard for me to forget 'the guy who got away'. Any advice would be great. My friends are all bias and I don't want to push my problems on people who aren't ready for them (hence why I'm on this website).
If you are just 21 and have been with one guy for the last 2.5 years, you have missed out on a lot of living!
I suggest that you try to live alone, travel, go to school, and get more experience.
You have settled for something you seem to want to let go and now are stuck with an overly attached guy.
Marie, your guilt prevents you from moving on from your BF. Your conscience is ruling your head. Your heart is telling you that you want to work it out with your BF (although you don't mention your love for him here) but your actions tell you it's over.
If you broke up 12 months ago then it's telling you where you want to be. It should have been a wake up call for your BF, despite his obsessiveness and sickness, and for you as well.
The longer you stay with him, the more guilt you will have when you eventually walk away from him completely. If you stay, you will eventually have no alternative but to walk. You will hurt your BF, but you need to realize, you'll be hurting yourself more if you stay in an unhappy relationship.
If you have been wanting to move on from him then do so...and don't look back this time. You were happy and free 12 months ago, but your misconstrued guilt bought you back to a boring and predictable relationship.
If you haven't learned how to appreciate your BF after 2.5 years and after having endured one previous breakup, then you never will....because, regardless of how your personalities blend, he's not the man for you...it's that simple.
And if you're only 21, there's a lot of life to live yet.....
Completely agree, you both deserve to be free, if you are not happy then , what is the point.
You are mentally not ready for long term relationship and your boyfriend is just pushing you into it. Be firmer, stronger and get away. When you are not happy how will you both be happy together ?
If you are worried about the break up affecting him badly, prepare him mentally slowly for it before you fully break up and move on. The focus here should be on yourself and your happiness before his.