His love is stronger than mine, should I break up with him?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 8 months now and he's very much in love with me. I love him too and care for him but not as strongly as he does for me.
He's always bringing up marriage and kids and wants to move in with me within the year. I feel its much too soon to be talking and thinking of moving in or marriage for our relationship. I'm only 21 and still in school. He just always seems to be pages ahead of me. Other than him moving at a fast pace, having a short fuse and being somewhat negative are the only things that bother me about my relationship with him.
I like being with him and how we are together but I don't think he's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Is it wrong to stay with him knowing he wants a life long relationship with me and I may not? Should I break up with him? I don't want to lose him, he's my best friend, and I don't want to hurt him either.
As background information:
We were best friends before we started dating. He told me he had feelings for me and asked me to be his girlfriend, I agreed a month later.
If you feel he is not the right partner for you, no point in sticking on. You do not want to hurt him after 8 months, think how much you will hurt him in one more year when the marriage issue comes up strongly? Better to open out your mind now than later. May be you also need to analyse what else about him is bothering you.
First of all, I'm telling you in advance that my opinion might be a little biased in his favor. The reason for that is I believe a relationship is meant to be lifelong unless there's a good reason for ending it .
Now, what you need to do if you really want to figure this out is to try and put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you weren't so preoccupied with school; that your #1 priority was to settle down and start a family. Now imagine finding someone you love, telling them how you feel, being reassured by them that those feelings are mutual, and then, 8 months down the road, they suddenly start avoiding the big question. You would most likely be a bit "negative and short-fused."
All of that is assuming he has noticed that you aren't so fond of his plans. He is probably negative because he doubts himself, and short -fused because he's upset that things aren't going according to plan.
All of that being said, it's not your fault he's unhappy. He chose to build all of that hope up w/out at least
running it by you first. However, you need to seriously consider your future thoroughly and determine whether or not you really want him to be part of it. If so: let him know that you love him with all of your heart, but you aren't quite ready to make such a huge commitment. I bet he'd understand if you explained it to him, but it makes things worse if you ignore the problem(s). If not: You don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to. Regardless of that, you DO have to let him go as soon as possible and as gently as possible. Or else you're wasting both of you guys' time and love.
I don't mean to sound so critical, so I'm sorry for that, but that title got me. Lol
Eight months is NOT criteria for this kind of talk (marriage, children) Yes, he's moving too fast.
Ask him to step back and let the relationship grow - or not. In the meantime, he is suffocating you and makes you want to bolt.
You are right to not want to settle in at 21. Nowadays, women are exploring the world before settling down.
Is he in school? He sounds like he has lots of time on his hands and looks for things to do to fill the time.
I think you should move on. I\'m 22 and I married the going way too fast in a few months guy. We literally know each other for 1 year and 8 months and we\'ve been married for 6 of those, I\'m not pregers so it wasn\'t forced. Don\'t get me wrong I love my hubby and we are just something else but at times I do wonder what else I would have done who I would have met. Your life becomes completely different. I get you guys were friends but if from the get go you know he isn\'t the one for you let him go it will only end up hurting him. Yeah your going to feel like crap because my husband wasn\'t the first to try and marry me but TRUST me you can\'t feel bad for them You have the RIGHT to be picky. So date be free enjoy life experience things because once you get married yeah you get to have fun do cool things with your hubby but it\'s different then when your single. And absolutely don\'t move in together it will just make it harder for both. Just tell him you want to live your life more and your not ready for any type of commitment
I've had a similar problem before. I dated my first boyfriend for two and a half years from ages 16-18 (on and off). He was interested in a long term commitment and I was not. It scared me and made me want to run away when there really was nothing wrong with the relationship which was why I kept coming back. I ended up breaking up with him three or four times, before I finally stuck to it. And it's because of exactly what you are talking about. The first time I broke up with him we had been dating for eight months. After two months I came back to him and we dated for a year before a broke up with him again. Then I came back to him again. I remember him telling me that he didn't care if I came and left because he loved any time he could have with me. Eventually I felt so horrible that I finally left for good. It's been two years since we've dated, and I still think about him but I do feel that I made the right decision in finally leaving him.