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I have been married to my husband for 2 years we have 1 child together. He spends all his time working he spends hardly any time with me and our baby. If he does spend time with us we go out for a couple of hours on the weekend. But if we are home he will work in the office all day and night I'm really starting to doubt if he is working all that time. He doesn't help with our baby or cooking, cleaning, washing ect. If I do say something about it he will say he is busy working all the time and I should help him. If we get invited to do anything with friends or family he is very reluctant to go. He is 40 and I am 30 I didn't think our age gap mattered now I am doubting myself. I just want to have fun with my husband and instead I'm lonely looking after a baby on my own.

No time

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I am sorry it sounds like you not supported by your husband. IT could be stress on his part as he is a first time dad starting out late he is probably overwhelmed by it all as are you by the sounds of it.

Is there any friends and family that can take the baby for you for a few nights? I think you and husband need to have alone time, he could miss you...... you won't know until you have some time alone with him to figure things out.

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I have my Mum who could look after bub she would love a sleep over, I will try this.

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Men in their 40s are consumed with building their career - getting ready for the future and then retirement.

If you witness this work, then you must respect his desire to build up his business. So you have to be more understanding and build up your own interests. Perhaps you could go back to school, start art lessons, join a young mother's group.

HE needs to find a balance between work and home life. He needs to remember that work is NOT equal to what happens in the home and he needs to step up with helping you in the home.

Yours is a common problem. It can make a wedge between the two partners. Try to get away for a weekend to fire up those old feelings.

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Let look at this from his angle. When you became a mother, your priority was the baby. Feeding the baby, cleaning the baby, putting the baby to sleep etc. Now what does a newly become father think? Oh my God...I am a father now! How do I manage a baby? I have never learnt of paid attention to this angle of Life. Then he thinks...no problem I am sure my wife is doing a good job and I should let her do it coz she can do it best. Now he starts missing his wife's presence in his like but also understands the Baby is taking up her time and is not right on his part to complain much (Though he feels left out). Then he thinks...whats my role...what am I supposed to do now? So whats the natural tendency of a father...to provide for his family. So he may think...ok let me focus there on settling my family. Soon without him realising he gets so engrossed that he forgets he is not giving time to his wife.

Now what can you do? Talk it out with him. You will not be able to make him see sense in the first few talks...but you need to keep trying. Keep telling him to keep cut off time for work and spend the rest of the time with the family. Tell him these years of your baby will not come again in Life....you can keep working even later.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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