This website has been so much help to me the past couple of weeks! Everyone is so helpful. I have a problem and was wondering if you all could give me some input. I have been dating a guy for four months. We really love each other, although we are pretty different. I care more about him than any guy I've dated. In the beginning, he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world..literally. He would always tell me how beautiful I am and he would love to just sit and stare at me. This really creeped me out (I just don't like guys to sit and stare at me) so I would just laugh and say "stop it." He said he loved to look at me because I'm so pretty. I have a lot of self esteem issues which is another main reason I don't want him to stare. He knows this and has picked up on it. He says he doesn't understand why someone as pretty as me could have self esteem issues (I always have had them..not sure why). As time went on, I would notice every now and again he would point out how hot an actress in a movie was. He wouldn't be nasty or drag it out, he would just say things like "she is pretty hot" and "I've always thought she was really hot." These things really hurt me. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive? I will just give him a sad look when he says those things and he'll smile and say "I'm just picking, babe." It still hurts me though. I'm not dumb enough to think he won't see attractive women. I just think he should keep it to himself. Luckily, he's not the type that will stare at or point out REAL women, like when we go out. That would really hurt if he did that. He just points out celebrities. He acts like it tickles him when I respond by a sad face or sad remark. I read somewhere that guys will do that sometimes just to see if their partner cares? I can tell he doesn't mean anything by it, but it just really hurts me. Ive said things about male celebrities before and he gets all tore up and jealous so I don't know why he'd do the same to me? I just don't understand why this recently started? I feel like he shows his love for me as much or more than ever so I don't think his feelings have changed. I can tell he doesn't mean any harm by the comments but it cuts me pretty deep. I wish it didn't. Also he knows I have self esteem issues already so I don't know why he does it?? ANother thing I thought of is he hates me wearing makeup. He says I don't need it and I'm beautiful without it. The celebrites he say are hot always have very little makeup on so I'm wondering if this is his way of telling me he wishes I'd do the same as them and not wear much? Basically I wish I knew a way that this wouldn't bother me when he said it. It just makes no sense while he used to never say things like that and now he does....quite a bit. In a way I blame myself because used to, he always wanted to stare at me (he still does sometimes) and I didn't like it, so now I feel like he is just directing his attention to other things. Guys, girls...anyone....help?
I have self esteem issues as well so I understand where you are coming from. This has nothing to do with the fact that you didn't like him staring at you of to point out actresses that have no make-up. While it is possible that he is saying to to get a reaction out of you - as if jealousy was an indicator of love - maybe he is also just getting more comfortable with you about saying things. If it really bothers you, you could have a direct conversation with him about the act that it makes you uncomfortable and that you would prefere for him to stop making those comments. It isn't a big request.
SAD79 - Thank you for your advice. I'm glad you can relate to me on the self esteem issues. I hate them
Also, I have told him it bothers me and he told me I need to have more confidence in myself that he really loves me and doesn't mean anything by it. He has cut back but he still does it some. I just wish it didn't phase me. I think if I acted like it didn't bother me, he would eventually stop altogether.
You have told him that you don't like being compared to celebrities. So why does he continue to do it?
Either laugh this off (knowing that he's drooling over an unavailable actress) or confront him about why he keeps doin something that bothers you so much.
He is being immature if he keeps this up knowing that it bothers you so much.
Four months is REALLY young in a relationship and already he is irritating you. Watch out for other behaviors.
In the meantime, hang around people who don't care how you look. You seem to get your self esteem from your looks. How you feel depends on how you look. Pretty dangerous thing to do.
Hey have to agree on the last point this is immature and very insensitive. You have told him it bothers you. So he knows and is telling you you should have more confidence...... WELL tell him he should have more RESPECT. It is this simple if he told something hurt him that you said or did and you would stop right.... It is making inappropriate comments at other women..... focusing on the physical. He likes winding you up. I would ignore him if you can simply because you are better than that. If you cannot then you do the same at some random time and keep doing it in a sneering way show him how ridiculous his behavior really is. I understand we now live in a time where too much importance is put on the physical appearance. If this relationship keeps eating at your self esteem.... you are going to have to leave. I do suggest that if you are having problems so early in this relationship is not good. It is this simple what he is doing is kind of a guy thing when they are together, you are his girl he should be focusing on your attractiveness.
Anyways take it easy... and hang with some girlfriends spend some time doing things outside this relationship, so that it does not become the center of it .... especially if you are not feeling heard...... that's the issue here. regardless of what it is , making comments like that is not a big thing for him to stop doing. sometimes comments like that should be kept to oneself...
Nikki, you are right. If you ignore it he'll stop it. He just wants to irritate you. Some guys love to see that look on their partner's faces.
Tell you what to do next time it happens. When he makes that comment you also just join in and say "I completely agree, she is so ravishing hot!" And then look at him and say with a wink and a smile "I know you have an eye for knowing hot girls which is why you are with me in the first place". Just watch him ...he will be totally shocked with disbelief. And will not repeat it. If he does....just do the same thing.
And dear, why do you have self esteem issues? If he is staring at you, it means you are very attractive! Keep telling yourself that and confidence will come in automatically. Listen to your boyfriend and try lesser make up for a change sometimes. Women are generally born beautiful....make up is only an add on. Appreciate the inner beauty inside you.
Nikki, I get you 100% every girl has self esteem issues at one point or another and part of the reason we have them is because of perfect celebrities! So when your boyfriend says their hot it kills us since they are a big part of why were insecure. However, the fact that he doesn't tell you other women around you are hot is a great thing. Next time you see a hot celebrity you should tell him, then tell him that it doesn't feel so good does it? Hopefully you guys can talk about it and make him stop. You could even allow each other 3 celebrities you both are allowed to have a crush on, because its only human to have a platonic love, just remember it doesn't mean anything more than that. It sounds like he truly cares for you, I'm sure you will figure it out. Best of luck girl!