Get him out o my head
Ive been married for 10 y and have a child. I've started having an affair in january 2013 out of boredom. It was suppose to only sexual but I started having feeling which he didnt return. It was an on and off type of thing, and he was kinda cold and closed up. In january, he told me he wanted to be with me. I've struggled a lot thinking about that option. I even moved out of the house for a bit to think about things. I've decided that I want to keep my marriage and stable environment for me kid (we are now in therapy). And told him more that a week ago. He didnt seem to upset and we decided to stop talking for a while at least. 3 days ago, I got weak and texted him that I love him, which I regretted the next day. Yesterday he wrote to me saying that now he was thinking of me again and to stop waisting his time and that he didnt want me in his life even later on cause it hurts. I do understand my mistakes and I want to stop. He's in my head ALL the time and I can't stand the fact that he seems to hate me now and never wants to speak to me again.
Been there - done that.
He was stuck in my head because things did not end the way I wanted them to. So I always felt that I needed the last word.
Even that didn't help. Time will be the great healer.
In the meantime, make new memories with your husband and put a rubber band on your wrist. SNAP it every time you think of him.
HE apparently filled a need for you. See if you can discover what it was that he fulfilled for you and see if you can capture that with your husband.
@I can't stand the fact that he seems to hate me now and never wants to speak to me again.
You are going after the wrong person. He was never in love with you. Only sexual interest. He has started thinking about you again (after the text) means getting together sexually which is he knows is not possible and hence he gets hurt. There is no love here!
He doesn't care about how you feel either. He is selfish. Only feels he shouldn't get hurt even if you are 100 times more hurt.
Why are you in love with such a person? There is no life with him. Even if you had decided for him, you would have been left alone to fight your own emotional battles in the future. I would say he is a bad partner for you.
Understand the reality and try to put your 100% in your marriage.