Second place. Can anyone help me?
I have been dating a guy for almost five months. In those 5 months, I’ve became so close to him. There are so many things I love about him. One being he acts like he genuinely cares about me (this is a biggie for me because I’ve dated some real douche bags). Another being he respects my wish to wait until our relationship has grown stronger to have sex. Anyway, in the beginning, he was so wrapped up in our relationship. I had him wrapped around my finger. All everyone talked about was how much he loved me, how you could tell he was crazy about me just from being around us five minutes. And me? I’d finally found the one I’d been hoping for. We didn’t always get along (who does?) and we had a lot of differences, but despite all, we were crazy about each other. We always made time for one another. He told me that ANYTIME he had plans, and I had time to see him, WE would see each other, because he’d rather see me than do anything else in the world. A couple weeks ago he wanted me and him and a few of his friends and their girlfriends to all hang out. I said sure, why not (although I’m not crazy about his friends). Well, as the day was approaching he kept talking about him and his friends and the “game night” they were planning that night. It was like I was no longer included in his plans. When I questioned him, he said that the guys were just going to have a game night (the other girls couldn’t go that night because of work so me being there with him and his friends…may be awkward). It kind of made me mad that he was going to miss out on seeing me for a stupid game night. He said he was sorry but he hated to tell them no because they’d already had to reschedule the game night several times. I said whatever and let it be, but you sure didn’t have trouble telling me no!? Well, when the night finally came, the guys actually cancelled on him. Once he seen he couldn’t see them, he wanted us to hang out again. I told him no that I’d made plans. This really pissed me off because he was pretty much saying, “I would rather see friends tonight, but if they cancel, I could see you…you’re my second choice.” Sorry, but that won’t roll with me. He rarely sees his friends so I let it slide. Weeks went by and we grew even closer. Due to both of our very busy schedules, we recently (like a week ago) decided on the specific days of the week we would see each other. Last night was supposed to be one of them. However, one of his friends had a painting show and had asked him to attend (I seen on facebook like a month ago that he’d put he would attend). However, since, he hasn’t mentioned it so I figured we’d still see each other. Long story short, he went to the show. He didn’t ask me (later told me he “didn’t think I’d be ready in time…It does take me a while to get ready, sorry, I’m a girl. Forgive me). He still could’ve invited me. He went with his sibiling and a male friend. Later his friend tweeted something about the painting show and tagged him and a few others in it. There were a few females tagged in it as well but they have boyfriends and I know they are all in the same circle of friends. This just really hurt me. I feel like he could’ve invited me. If he hadve, I wouldn’t have thought twice about the whole situation. But he cancelled our plans and didn’t even invite me to what he was doing. Am I over exaggerating? I don’t think I am. We talk or text pretty much all hours of the day and he’s messaged me a bunch of “I miss you “ BS all morning. You don’t miss someone if you pass up an opportunity to see them. But you know what? I can play that game too. My parents told me to “have plans”next time we are scheduled to see each other. And don’t worry, I will. Maybe it is childish of me but I am so hurt and frustrated. I was raised to believe if someone wants to see you, they will. It doesn’t matter if they are busy, it doesn’t matter if their guy friends want to hang, it doesn’t matter if there is a freaking zombie apocalypse, if someone wants to see you, they’re going to be there with bells and whistles on. I am so hurt. I cried all afternoon. I can’t act mad because I don’t want him to tell people “shes pissed because I went to a close friends show that I’d promised I’d go to a month ago.” I don’t think I’m ready to move on just yet. I still love him. I don’t like being second to him though…ever. Can someone help me? Am I being irrational? I know he needs time with friends but dang. Guys, if you want to see your girl, you do, right? NO matter what? Girls, what would you do if your boyfriend did this? I care about him but I will not be second. I was second in my last relationship and that’s why it ended. If I enjoyed being second, I would’ve stayed. I am here for advice because my parents are biased. They take my side no matter what, and I need to find out if these are legitimate reasons to be mad or if I am over exaggerating ( I have been known to do that once or twice). I have friends to ask but I never get reliable advice from them. For instance, I told them about the situation with the game night, and they said, “Oh wow I couldn’t deal with that! No way I’d put up with it!!!.” Then went on to tell how they’d caught their guys chatting on facebook with their exes..but they just love them so much and couldn’t imagine life without them.” SERIOUSLY?! So, I need help from those of you on here. Can someone help me? Is this a reason to end things? I love him but I don’t love the way he does these things. Also, one thing to remember is that I don’t think he has ever or would cheat on me. That’s not an issue here. When he is out with friends or wherever, I trust him. He always been honest and straightforward with me. I just wish I could be his #1 =(
I understand ur point of view. if someone really wants to see u they will make the effort I definitely think he could of seen u before or after the show or rearranged another time to see u. From his point of view he had planned to go the show a while ago. I think u guys made just need a break from each other for a few days or week and then once you reunite your spark will be better than ever and the time apart would of made you appreciate one another more. hope this helps
So . . . you want your BF to be on your beck and call - never mind his plans.
That is an immature and needy way to have a relationship. It makes men have to spend too much energy to be with you.
Look - guys need time for their "boys night" - stay away from their bonding time.
So his plans got broken - it was nice of him to call you then. You were the FIRST thing he went to after his plans got broken. What more do you want?
Re: the art show. Can't this guy have a life without you? He went with a sibling. Are you that threatened about him spending time with his sibling?
You need to spend time developing yourself into a mature woman and stop planning your BF's life. You are suffociating him!!
I think you should stop the tit for tat behavior between each other..... do not be the stereotypical girlfriend that controls her boyfriends whereabouts.
Relationships are about compromise, when infatuation period ends I am afraid that when things get real..... it takes work...... Welcome to LIFE ......
Okay so this might sound mean but guys are dumb! The first situation with game night guys do need there guy time just like we need girl time. I know it sucks and you feel upset and start to wonder about things when he's out without you but try not to especially don't bring it up you don't want to look crazy. Now the art show I really do believe he didn't think you'd want to go guys are dumb like that they don't put in much thought to it I know because my bf now hubby did the same thing. And trust me you don't want his friends thinking your the bad one or saying he's on a short leash. And he went with his siblings so the situation was different. But I get it it would have been nice to be asked. From what you have said about him and your relationship it sounds pretty good just remember the three O's, over thinking over analyzing and over reacting are NO BUENO! They can really effect your relationship. I know you want to be his #1 but try to remember your not his wife... Yet
( I don't know how old you are but I can tell you I was in your shoes and now I'm his #1 forever wahaha! Okay sorry creepy but just relax don't force him into anything don't make him choose between you or his friends that comes later. Don't make him your priority either let him know your strong and independent
Your problem is pretty common Juno. Some men don't get their priorities right for a long time into the relationship. It does turn around though but takes time. I had a friend whose husband was so much into his friends and dramatics activity that she considered even divorce. But today they have completed 6 years into marriage and she is happy.
You can also get him to inform you when he makes plans that affect your plans together but all that to fall in place will take time. You cannot expect what he told you in the beginning of the relationship to last for ever, it will not. Thats how life is. Has your Dad never cancelled plans with your Mom for something that came up suddenly? Speak to her and find out. Usually happens in all relationships.