Did I make a mistake moving in with fiancé?
Hi, hoping I can get some much needed advice. I'm 30 years old and have just bought a house with my fiancé (we've been together 6 years and engaged 2). Before then I lived with my mum, we're very close and enjoy each other's company. I have only moved a street away, we've been in the house about a week and the feeling of homesickness I have is breaking my heart! I've been crying every day, and I'm now wondering if it was all a big mistake?! I feel I just want to pack up,and go back home. It's not that I don't want to be with my fiancé, I love him very much, I just don't know if I can be away from my mum and the house I've lived in for 20 years. Also, my mum is now on her own and i hate the thought of not being there with her. (She's 64). I feel very unsettled and overwhelmed and all the spare time I have, I'm up in my mums house. I haven't even finished unpacking, and my days off work I feel I should be, but I just don't want to. My fiancé knows I've been upset and is very supportive, but I think he's feeling like I'm going to call it quits and leave. And right now, I'm not 100% sure. I just wish we could go back to how it was before we moved in. My fiancé says that if we can't make it work in a house together, then it probably won't work at all. I didn't think I would feel so low, I thought I was supposed to be a happy and exciting time. How long will it take for these feelings go away? What happens if they don't?
It is a massive change for you, and this is common to feel some separation anxiety. It is the end of one way of living to a being on your own.
What would be a mistake is going home.... you may never leave then!!!
This must be hard on your fiance too, this should be a happy time, you are an adult.... this is a milestone like a kid on their first day of school again.... Especially after living there for so long.
The suitcases will have to be emptied and you will eventually settle in your own time....
I think you may realize that this is a commitment a big one..... you are scared.
theses felling will go away as soon as you stop holding on to them.
Take little steps, unpack one suitcase today....
then another one in a week.
Arrange a time to visit your mum and try and stick to that. Also plan some nice time in your new home with your fiance, make it cosy and warm.
New houses can feel empty and not like a home .... Many things you can do, talk to your mum,,,, I am sure she wants you to be happy . and you never know it is her life too. Maybe she wants to create a life for herself, as a woman not as a mum....
This is a new chapter..... you can do this.... all you have to do is take a deep breath, and step forward.
Enjoy you time with your fiance he sounds great!!!
Your mother is only 64 and can start another chapter in her life. She is probably enjoying this new freedom.
You, too, shouild rejoice in this new freedom you have and the opportunity to show that you are an independent woman, not a little girl anymore.
Put your attention to your fiance and start making a life with him now.
Ask mom to visit YOU.
Rusty, you're fiance is right, if you can't live with him now, then you may never will.
Yes, you should have that feeling of excitement about buying a house together with your fiance and yes, it should a first step of looking forward to a life together with him....a commitment.
You should be handling your move with ease and comfortably. If you're not, then your attempts to move forward with your fiance is not to be at the moment, and after 6 years there should be a security and a stability in your relationship with him. You should instinctively need to make this house your home together.
Moving in with him and actually buying that residence with him is an act of unity which plans for your future together. If you aren't experiencing a feeling of security, then you're not ready to live with your fiance.
Your actions of leaving unpacked suitcases and visiting your Mum in your spare time tells you where your home is.
Frankly, and as harsh as it sounds, you wouldn't look over your shoulder if were truly happy and content with your fiance and you were absolutely certain that he was the man for you to share your future with.
Shes says she loves him. They have been together for 6 years! She says it's not him.
This gal has a momma's problem.