Problems in bed damaged our relationship and communication
Me(35 and my g/f 28 ) split up just over two months ago after being together over 2yrs. It was on the whole a lovely happy relationship, we have so many great memories, however a while back for some reason i was unable to perform in bed , at the time didnt think much of it, but then it happend again and again, a day became a week and so forth. I became more scared/insecure in myself and over time this started to effect other areas of our relationship, such as closeness, effection, i bottled things up and stopped talking to her about how i was feeling etc, which pushed her away further. Why i didnt step back and realise the seriousness of what was happening at the time i will never know, more importantly fix it, ie go to doctors etc
She did try to talk to me about things, i know that, but i buried my head in the sand, rather then dealing with the issue. In the end, her love for me was not enough to stay together, she no longer felt wanted, special, close to me and this was the main cause of us spliting.
Time has gone on and allowed me to reflect , why i didnt deal with it at the time i will never understand as my heart wanted to get closer to her, but i pushed her away.
Now i dont know what to do. Of course , i would love to give it a second, fresh start, i believe the problems can be fixed, i would face up to them, just want that chance to show her. we did leave on good terms, she is still in contact with me from time to time, But i also know its only her that can decide if she wants to give it a second chance, its not for me to decide
I have accepted that it is all over and looking back yes something had to give, but because when we were together we didnt have a big heart to heart before it was too late and at the time of spliting up i/we were all emotional i feel that there are loose ends, wel for me anyway.
I was thinking would it be adviseble to write to her just saying i accept our break up, let her know that i acknowledge the problems we had and that that i played a part in our relationship going wrong and that i take responsibility for my part and maybe explain why i didnt deal with it at the time (i was scared and vulnurable) etc, thats my regret not opening up to her and talking to her, so important.
Is it too late for this letter? how would you feel receiving this from an ex accepting some of the responsibility?
I don't think it is too late at all. If you regret not opening up previously and now feel you are able to do it then go for it or you may regret not doing it again!
I think it can be hard to take a step back and deal with problems when you're in the moment and you feel so insecure about something personal. That also makes it hard to empathise and realise the effect it has on
your g/friend and deal with that. Now your no longer in that situation and you can use that fabulous thing called hindsight to see where you went wrong I really think now is a great time to let your ex know.
Having had a good relationship and being on good terms means she may have the same regrets as you and how much of a shame would it be if you both felt the same but didn't open up and discuss it?
You don't get if you don't ask and now that your ready to do that a letter would be a great way of opening up and letting your ex know that your prepared to make the changes needed.
Take the plunge that you wish you'd made a few months ago - it might not be easy but anything worth having is worth working at!
Good luck x
Thanks for your imput. Me may not get back together, only she can decide that, this letter is more of an acknowledgement and taking responsibility of my actions that pushed her away, then when its out there she may think about it and who knows. Also one thing she said was "i want to let you know why it stopped working, but i cant as i dont understand myself", hopefully my letter will help. As i know the core reason which effect other areas, i feel a letter explaining how i felt etc is right, even though she dumped me. I had thought what if she is with someone else, would a letter be good, but thats not my concern and as i wont be asking her back, just accepting and taking responsibility, this should do no harm and as she has a sensitive heart i am sure she would appreciate this.