How do I move out or should i?
My boyfriend and I are college students have been dating for almost two years. He has a three-year old who I absolutely adore. Currently he is financially secure and even willing to help me out since my savings are dropping fast. But here’s comes my problem. He gets drunk about once a month and I hate him for it but then get over it. It’s not that he’s mean or physical-> he’s just obnoxious and gets in my space. Then just a month ago he went over the top- I was so upset I found a room for rent and took it. I’m now responsible for paying an additional fee each month when my finances are already dropping. Since a month ago – he’s been sober and great! But I don’t know how long that will last. I made it clear to him I hate it when he drinks but I’ve said that plenty of times before. But then there’s also this other problem. I hate commitment and I have this attraction towards the idea of being independent and having my own space again. I love his son but I know that’s not a reason to stay with my boyfriend. He can be very funny, and he's also very smart. But I just don’t feel that he is the one for me. I don’t know how to tell him I’m moving out and I’m also not sure I’m making the right decision… I don’t know when, where, or how to do anything. Any advice?
First of all, you need to ask yourself whether or not you really love him: are you prepared to sacrifice your time and freedom to commit in this relationship?
Staying together gives both of you a chance to understand each other better, as well as tolerating and accepting each others' living habits and expectations. There are also bound to be "invisible expectations" from each other, which can result in a lot of unhappiness, proper communication and openness is important to sustain a relationship, especially living together.
There may be reasons why he gets drunk once in awhile (stress?), but I feel that as long he is not violent, it is not something to worry too much, unless it is getting often. If the feeling is strong between the both of you, then it will be better for you to consider before making the decision to move out, this kind of feelings can get very complicated, especially since you have both lived together for awhile.
No one can tell you what to do, as the choice is yours to make, I would say follow your heart.
Cuphea, you need to understand that if your BF drinks and becomes obnoxious, then that's the real person speaking.
Alcohol doesn't lie and we when we drink to excess, we become the real person we are, rather than the person we want others to see.
Ask him why he needs to drink to drunkenness and also ask him if he has any respect for you because you've told him how it affects you and he still insists on doing it.
Maintain your independence from him, because you'll find you don't have to accept or settle for anything less than you deserve when it comes to your personal happiness and security.
Aside from his disrespect to you, if your BF was mature enough to realize it, he would be looking at his drinking problem and looking at becoming a more responsible person for his son's sake.
You have a choice whether to remain with him or move on, but don't let his funny, smart side or his money influence you to do the opposite of what you instinctively know you have to do.
Thank you all for your responses. It is nice to see three completely different sides to this problem. I've been with my boyfriend for a long time and have become attached to his son. For the past month things have been going well but it's too late. I already have a room available for me to move in. I'm not committed in the relationship; he's not a strong father to his son, our communication is horrible, and I'm not ready for a long-term relationship. So I'm sticking to my initial plan - I'm moving out.
So how to I move out? I already have a room available to me so I can move out at any time. Should I talk to him? I'm afraid that might cause trouble that I do not want (especially while in school). Should I just move all of my stuff out without him knowing it and then tell him it's time for us to go our own paths? That just sounds like a b* move especially since he has been nice lately. How should I do this?
Yes, time to move on. Prepare for him to put on his "good boy" face and promise all kinds of things, but you have seen that he is a binge drinker, not a committed father and generally immature.
You tell him that you are moving out and need to have private time to do that. Ask him to stay away for a needed time slot (8 hours?) so you can properly move out.
You must be very strong here. I know how it is with a binge drinker. I was married to one for 13 years. It took its toll on me, physically and emotionally. Get out now!! All the signs are there that he has problems.
Be sure that you don't jump into another relationship with another drinker. They tend to be charming and manipulative.