Hi, my name's Bianca. i'm 16 going on 17 & i need advice on a boy.
In September, 2012 i met up with this boy, Ben that i hadn't seen since we were kids. We spent the night together with a coupe mates drinking, having fun. & as you can imagine, spent the night together (if you know what i mean). It was so nice, he was an amazing kisser & we spent the whole night under the stars.
Me & Ben had a bit in common & some history as kids. We are both into motorbikes, and outback & we'reboth pretty steady going.
Anyway, as time went by we were still talking. but he was always a bit of a sleeze. like, he wasn't very nice to me (only when he wanted to be) & seemed like he was only interested in another one night stand/ nude txt images etc. we would go weeks upon weeks without talking.. despite his attitude towards me, i still talked to him. something in me just loved his attention. whenever i recieved a text from him i would be happy.
Then one day he called my phone & asked me how i was etc then asked for nudes again. i said 'no, sorry' & he said 'it's not like i haven't seen it' then i said 'no' & he just said 'ok, bye' & hung up on me. at this point i felt a strange rush all through my body & my chest started to hurt. then i started to cry. i didn't know why i felt this way. i thought it might have been the few alcohol drinks i had but i wasn't drunk at all. i didn't say anything to him about it, i just let it go. now i had established that i indeed had genuie feelings for this boy..
when we went weeks upon weeks without talking, my feelings would weaken. after months & months of talking over text every so often; he began to get nicer & nicer to me. which made me so happy! he even started asking me if i would ever date him. which in my mind was thinking ''yes, ask me out!" i always held myself back & said stuff like ''i dont know, ill have to get to know you better'' . (which i regret deeply). we would talk at least a few times a month.. strangley one night i had a dream about a very big heart break & he was the boy in my dream. i even woke up crying.
Then this year, around Febuary he got a girlfriend.. when i found this out, i felt empty, i felt sad, i felt regret, anger, but not towards him. just about the whole situation because i knew i liked him. I still acted like everything was fine & talked to him on facebook; which was when he started to ignore my texts, calls, inboxes etc. i felt so stupid
i was talking to a friend about how he's an asshole for ignoring me & he found out what i said., he called me & asked me what i was talking about. then he explained to me that it was infact his girlfriend who wouldn't let him talk to me. he told me that he had feelings for me before he got together with his girlfriend but he didnt want to tell me. so i finally had the guts to tell him that i had feelings for him as well. he said he would have chose me if he knew & that he really cared about me & still wanted to be friends & that he didn't mean to hurt me. this is when regret started to kick in. i could've had the boy of my dreams (literally) if i wasn't so idiotic!
That was out first break up/make up^. we still talk. but i always let him be the starter of the conversations. because then i know for sure he wants to talk to me
although i cant help but wonder if we are better off as friends. because now we talk about actual things happening in our lives & topics n stuff other than just us.
i still to this day, have feelings for him. but i'm beginning to feel like i'm getting over him again. but the worst part about it is i don't want to be over him already. i dont know. im not looking for answers, just some advice or some re assurance, opinions anything pleasee xxx
To answer you headline question : you are neither !!!!
The feeling you got to the phone call in your chest was hurt, from abuse.
You said it yourself he is a sleeze...... which I think is bang on..... what sort of man asked a girl to send pics like that?
He is not respecting you.... and he has damaged your self esteem..... this is what they do they treat you like a puppet and fill you up just to through you down .....
He is not a good person and you have got to delete his number, and block this facebook .... end all contact......
This is not your fault none of it....he is treating you this way because he is a dickhead not because you were not sure of a relationship....
Please say goodbye to this guy..... he does not have the right to even speak your name...
yes, i was hurt.
i know, he was like that for a while, but that was back i 2012-mid 2013. the last 12 months he's been nothing but nice to me.. which is why i'm so confused :L
this was deffinately not the response i was hoping for but i appreciate the honesty & i needed to hear it from another's perspective. thank you for your time
Wow. Well I think you were right to refuse his dating request the first time he asked, because it sounded like lust... Not love. And when that's the case, relationships usually don't last long. So it's good that you waiting. And to be honest, I think when he told you he liked you over the phone he was being sincere. In other words, he liked you for you. So I'd give it time, high school relationships usually don't last long especially if the guy is falling for another girl!
good luck princess.